That’s all it took for me to realize that OK Cupid boy #2 (and overall, boy #11 or 12, I believe??) was not what I had expected. At all.
He walks in and he didn’t look quite like his picture, and I knew almost instantly that it probably wasn’t going to go beyond this particular date (now I know why sometimes it’s worth suggesting coffee or “a” drink and not dinner for a first date! Live and learn – ha), but, I was obviously going to give it a chance, and see what happened.
Maybe the conversation would flow nicely, and we’d find more in common.
Nope.
Conversation relatively awkward, kept up only by my rambling on about random stories.
Maybe he would be really funny and that would stir up some attraction.
Nope.
But, he did laugh at my jokes…but my jokes are usually lame, so I’m not sure he gains anything there (in fact, maybe he loses points 
).
Maybe over the course of the night, he’ll “grow on me” and a second date might be worthwhile.
Nope.
Just stayed relatively awkward (for me, anyway, not sure for him, he seemed to be enjoying himself!).
So, those were the highlights (lowlights?) of the date – oh, and he even gave me RED ROSES after our date – which was a huge surprise (and made me feel a little bad that I knew it wouldn’t go beyond this date) and personally, I think that was a little over the top, no? Red roses? Those signal love…and this was a first date, let’s be honest (though, to his credit, very sweet, and I was touched by that).
He texted me when I got home – twice – I responded once, and I know I need to just be upfront with him today, because he is truly a nice guy, just isn’t the guy for me.
But, as always, I have learned a few things from this dating experience (which makes these all worthwhile, right?!):
- Just becuase you have things in common doesn’t mean there will be a connection (it felt more like we were in the “Friend Zone” personally)
- If you aren’t sure, don’t go for full-on dinner, just a drink or coffee (but in this case, I thought there was some potential there, so I guess that’s a hindsight thing)
- Maybe dating someone my age – 30 – is still not quite a fit for me maturity-wise. Not that I need to go to the other end of the spectrum – 41 (aka CBE) – but a few years older seems to jive well with my own maturity level, I’m thinking (and, this makes me think of chemistry.com boy #2, who is 38…more on that in a later post!).
So, onward we go, back at it, and as I always tend to say – we’ll see what happens next!
April 27, 2010 at 8:51 am
You can still make new friends if he’s not “dating” material. Bummer it didn’t work out like you anticipated but, if the chemistry isn’t there, it isn’t there. At least he was nice instead of a jerk. LOL
April 27, 2010 at 9:12 am
True, nice instead of a jerk is always good!
April 27, 2010 at 8:58 am
Mmmhmmm, been there, done that too!
And the whole “maybe we could still be friends” thing got really old when all that I was meeting were potential “friends”.
I’ve got plenty of friends, thankyouverymuch.
NEXT!
April 27, 2010 at 9:13 am
Yea, T, I tend to agree…while he was nice, I don’t even think we hit it off enough to be friends, per se. Ah well, win some, lose some!
April 28, 2010 at 2:06 am
T: yes. That is exactly right.
Having been LJBF’ed by my own wife, of all people, I think it’s okay to be looking for something more.
April 27, 2010 at 9:40 am
They say in job interviews people decide in the first 30 seconds if they like you or not. I guess a first date is no different. I’ve been there, on both ends.
One girl told me, after I asked her out again, “While I liked you and think we have a lot in common, I didn’t feel a connection.” I thought that was a nice gentle way to put it, and I appreciated her directness.
Yeah, and the roses thing is way over the top after a first date. Unless you slept with him.
April 27, 2010 at 9:48 am
Oh Snark – you crack me up – well of course I did not sleep with him, but that made me laugh. It is a good way of putting it – the no connection thing, and that’s probably what I am going to have to use, since he did, indeed email me (but he also noted in his email he thought I didn’t have fun and maybe there wasn’t a spark for me, but he liked me…).
April 27, 2010 at 10:00 am
SHUT UP – he texted you twice? When? I was talking with you post-date. That’s kinda funny and I giggled over here. But at least you’re taking it for the experience that it is. What did you do with the roses? Put them in a vase or chuck them?
- Mel Out
April 27, 2010 at 10:16 am
LOL – yes, he did. wanted to make sure I got home safe (nice of him) and to say he had a good time. I kept the roses – c’mon, I am a girl and do love a pretty flower
Why waste them?
April 27, 2010 at 11:08 am
Well at least you have become more keen at sensing whether the date is going to go past the first 10 seconds or not!
April 27, 2010 at 11:16 am
thanks sis – you are the second person who has told me that today – I sense a new post brewing…!
April 27, 2010 at 11:43 am
Eh, it happens. Just be upfront. You may not believe this, but guys generally like the truth served straight up, no ice. If you are honest, he will respect it in the long run.
As far as the age thing, I think age has very little to do with the maturity you are either feeling or not feeling once you hit about 30 or so. Maybe someone right at 30 isn’t what you want, but there is a big difference between 33 and 38.
April 27, 2010 at 11:52 am
I agree – honesty is the way to go and that’s what I would prefer too, so I was honest with him, but nice too, cuz that’s how I roll. Puppies and kittens
As for the age thing, I think there is a difference in 30 and say 33 and 38, sure, I guess my comment on the age thing was just from my own experience so far, not a blanket statement. Keeping age option open though for most part tho!
April 27, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Sorry it didn’t go well. Insert aphorism about kissing a lot of frogs before finding your prince…here.
Well, let’s hope the next one’s better…
Big hugs!
April 27, 2010 at 1:41 pm
thanks Nicki! No frog kiss last night, thankfully – LOL
But yes, I know what you mean!!
April 27, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I’ve had so many of those!!! But the key is for sure to be upfront and honest, and not leave him hanging in the wind. Ugh. Well at least you got out there again.
April 27, 2010 at 3:00 pm
This was the very first time I’d been on a first date where I KNEW it was going nowhere – strikes me as odd since I’ve been on quite a few since I started this whole dating thing last summer, I’m usually the one thinking there’s a second date potential and then there isn’t! Ah well, I tried to let him down easy, but definitely upfront.
April 27, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Oh wow, this even felt ackward for me….coffee, yes.
April 28, 2010 at 9:17 am
Haha! You crack me up – yeah, it was awkward in spots, for sure.
April 28, 2010 at 2:12 am
There was an episode of “Mad About You” (do you remember that show?) where the guy (Paul?) makes that point about dating: you know in the first ten seconds, so the first date should only last ten seconds. If you stay beyond 10 seconds, that would be your second date.
Which I guess is the theory behind this whole speed dating thing. (Which I’ve only seen in movies, and have no idea if people actually do that.)
Reading this over… wow, have I been out of the loop for a long time. Sheesh.
Anyway, good on ya, Jolene, and best of luck as your search continues!
April 28, 2010 at 9:18 am
LOVED that show!! And yes, speed dating exists…why do I know this? Because I may try it “just because” – why not?!
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