To my loving kitty Nala,
I’ve loved you since I set my eyes on you almost 7 years ago, along with your sister Kayla. You’ve helped me mourn and recover the loss of Shelby, one of the best cats in the world, you’ve been my wanna-be puppy, my fur-soulmate, my rock, support, and love, through divorce, and the light in my life.
Now that you are sick with whatever it is that ails you…I vow this to you:
…to not let you suffer.
…to protect you the best I can.
…to love you as hard as humanly possible for as long as I can.
…to help you recover, if that is a possibility.
…and to watch over your sister, and love her just as much as I love you, as long as I have you both as my “children.”
~~~
This is truly a time where I am digging deep, trusting my faith in God, and hoping my Nala is treatable. I took her to the vet this morning as she had a nosebleed…something I’ve never seen a cat have, and something I never really want to see again. When we arrived, they weighed her, as standard protocol.
…and my heart sank.
She’s only 5.5 lbs…2 lbs less than she was 6 months ago.
…bad, very bad.
Me, worried sick, shaking, scared, a million thoughts running through my brain. She had a mysterious illness two summers ago as she had lost some weight (from around 9 lbs to 7.5 lbs) and after many tests, much bloodwork, and a ton of money, the results were inconclusive, and she seemed to stay steady at her weight.
…and now this.
It’s been a very trying day…and I don’t think I’ve had one full hour where I haven’t cried. I fear deep down that whatever she has is not treatable, and I may need to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I don’t want to, I’m afraid to, I want to hold on tight and never let go…but I will never, ever put either of my cats through pain and suffering for my own selfish desires.
So…I wait, until tomorrow morning, for the blood work to come back. It’s going to be a long evening, but I am trying to stay strong. Some may think a pet is “just”a pet but these are my children and I love them more than anything (almost…), and truly don’t know what I’ll do if I have to make that decision.
….
~~~
June 7, 2010 at 5:50 pm
(((Naaaaalllls)))
Open letter to Nals: Thank you for being my sister’s rock when you’ve needed her most, for cuddling with her when she shed a tear and for making her laugh to distract her when she needed it most.
Open letter to God: I am praying for a miracle. Nals still has such a purpose in this world. It’s too soon.
Hugs Jo. I love you and I am here for you whatever you need. xo
June 7, 2010 at 5:58 pm
thank you…crying more…
June 7, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Nala, you are a special kitty, one who is intuitive and knows just what a person needs from you, and you have been a loving companion to Jolene, especially when she needed her furry Nals close by. Nala, your dog-like playfulness, confident demeanor, inquisitive nature, and warm comfort have been so welcomed for your seven years with our family and Kayla. You will be surrounded by love just as you always have been.
June 7, 2010 at 8:21 pm
thanks mom…for making me cry, but for describing her to a “T” – she’s your honorary kitty as well…and she loves you.
June 7, 2010 at 8:08 pm
I hope she is ok. All you can do is make them comfortable and give them love. And my cat is like family to me. I love him. I completely understand.
June 7, 2010 at 8:22 pm
thanks Ginny…means a lot, especially when someone has gone through it, knows it, and/or loves their pet like family too.
June 7, 2010 at 8:21 pm
I don’t have a cat but do have my own baby – a miniature, long-haired dachshund. As you said, they are not “just” pets – they are our children… companions… confidantes… and partners-in-crime. We’d do anything to make their aches, pains, and/or illnesses all better. I almost lost my Tucker a year ago and know the fear you are experiencing as you await results. My heart goes out to you and Nala… and my prayers that all works out for the best.
June 7, 2010 at 8:22 pm
thank you so much…how you described it is so true…and I am praying hard too, for the best…
June 7, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Damn I was really hoping it was something minor this morning. It very well could be still. The waiting has to be hell. I’m so sorry.
June 8, 2010 at 7:20 am
thanks friend…I was hoping so too, and am sort of bracing for the worst. May not be the best way to go about it, but it’s hard not to. Ya know?
June 8, 2010 at 5:41 am
Thinking of you. Nala is lucky to have such an amazing mom and extended family. It’s not easy being a pet parent sometimes.
Big hugs!
June 8, 2010 at 7:21 am
thanks…you’re right, she does, and it’s not easy being a pet parent, when you love them so much.
June 8, 2010 at 6:50 am
Sorry to hear about your kitty. Pets are totally like kids, and my dog sure did help me get through my divorce. Whatever happens with Nala, I hope you’ll find peace knowing that you’ve been the best cat mama to her.
June 8, 2010 at 7:21 am
thanks Emma…your comment was very sweet (as the tears start welling again), and it’s a special bond when they bring you through something tough like that, for sure.
June 8, 2010 at 7:39 am
Oh my little Nals, how much you are loved! I cried reading your blog today and all the comments. She is so loved and a cherished kitty. She has such a spunky, loving and affectionate personality. I call her the dog-like kitty because she is so playful, expressive and puppy like! She is the best sister to Kayla aND gentle to all people. I wish I could make her all better and I will pray for both of your strength to get through this together. Jen ((hugs))
June 8, 2010 at 7:44 am
thanks sis…don’t make me cry again
she is a puppy cat isn’t she? Love her so much.
June 8, 2010 at 8:20 am
I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking of both you and Nala.
June 8, 2010 at 8:28 am
thank you so much.
June 8, 2010 at 8:34 am
[...] little bit afraid, a little bit scared to trust and trying very hard to have faith. Once again, my sister is being tested and I’m trying my hardest to be strong, to help her through another trying [...]
June 8, 2010 at 8:48 am
I’m really sorry to hear about Nala. I lost the Best Cat Ever, Katya, less than a year after my divorce. She didn’t have a bloody nose, but lost almost half her weight over nine months, and I tried everything to get her to eat. I blogged about my dying cat about a dozen times. I probably waited too long to end it, but I was just too attached to let her go. The day I had to put her down was the worst single day of my life.
I hope everything is okay with Nala, but if you have to make that horrible gut-wrenching decision, know that you have a lot of support and empathy from other cat/dog lovers.
June 8, 2010 at 8:58 am
thank you so much Snark…knew you, of all, could totally, 100% relate. What was wrong with your cat, did you even know? That’s the hardest for me, knowing that what is ailing her may not be found. I just don’t want her to suffer.
June 8, 2010 at 8:57 am
Ohhh, sweetie this made me tear up. I’m so sorry, I’ve gone through this with two kitties and it is so hard. Keeping my fingers crossed and thinking good thoughts for you and little Nala.
June 8, 2010 at 10:24 am
thank you so much…means a lot, especially when you’ve been through it.
June 8, 2010 at 10:37 am
Oh that picture made me frown…
Yes, before I had children, my dog was my child. It’s perfectly natural to adopt our pets as our best friends and children.
I’m sorry to hear about her illness. I’ll send you strength to deal with this, either way.
((hugs))
June 8, 2010 at 10:43 am
Thanks T…it is one of my favorites of Nala, that was taken as she was sleeping on the pillow next to my head. A beautiful way to wake up…and thank you so much for your support and strength, I need it as much as I can.
June 8, 2010 at 10:52 am
Here’s to hoping for the best possible news. I’ve seen other friends and family members go through this process, and I don’t even want to imagine what it must be like.
Hugs to you, friend.
June 8, 2010 at 11:02 am
thank you so much friend.
June 8, 2010 at 7:05 pm
[...] Joel Osteen’s daily word. And I truly need to dig deep and have faith that He has a plan for Nala, and that will give me [...]
June 8, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Oh girl, I am soooo sorry you are having to go through this. I have tears in my eyes. I have had to endure this pain and it’s not anything I’d wish on anyone. Big hugs.
June 8, 2010 at 8:08 pm
aww…don’t cry, you’ll make me cry (again!). thank you so much, very very touching. Hugs.
June 11, 2010 at 9:49 am
[...] been a tough week emotionally for me. I’ve felt so drained since Monday’s incident with Nala, and I’ve been struggling with keeping my faith strong and just hoping for the best possible [...]
September 6, 2010 at 3:04 pm
[...] Nala fell ill, turned a corner, and when she finally was off her medication – she’s now over 8.5 lbs. [...]
November 15, 2010 at 7:22 pm
[...] the kitties’ annual checkup tonight. And while I know Nala has vastly improved since she was near-death a few months ago, a sudden fear crept in me that maybe she wasn’t as heavy as she felt, or as [...]
December 15, 2010 at 5:21 pm
[...] time:” One of several posts on Nala’s illness this year that I cried through writing (this was the other one) and knowing now that she is SO much better, my heart sings. I remember writing [...]