I’m learning a lot from my relationship with Doctor Boy.
Like being honest is key.
Like allowing for a little “room” in my routine.
…but also making sure I don’t get lost in un-routine either.
Yesterday morning, we woke up and I was hell-bent on getting my workout done (and not sleeping in *too* much, as I knew I had a lot to get done at home, like errands, and cleaning and my “usual” Saturday routine that calms me. Yes, cleaning and errands calm me and organize me! It’s part of my type A- nature!) and then going home to get started on said routine.
Doctor Boy asked me to stay for breakfast. And knowing that I had a lot to get done, I thanked him, but opted to go home to get things done.
When I left, I immediately felt a little selfish and too rigid in my “routine” (even though, for the record, I tossed said routine out the window the weekend prior because I had a busy weekend and sometimes it just doesn’t get done, even for me). And I texted him and told him that I felt badly for leaving without breakfast with him first, but that sometimes I just need to get to my routine.
And he said that it’s one thing he’s tried to do…de-routine sometimes.
Which made me feel worse.
But then he proceeded to tell me “not to change a thing” because it’s what makes me “me” and he loves for who I am (even with my sometimes-rigid routine).
So, I’m learning.
To be honest and stick to what I want to do, even if it isn’t always compromise. (because as much as I am all for compromise and meeting in the middle, I also think there is value with sticking to what you want, even if it’s as ‘small’ as simpling going home sans breakfast)
But also that as much as I have my own routine, I also have someone else in my ‘routine’ with me and I need (and want) to allow for that too. I’m still adjusting to maintaining balance and the in-between, and it takes a level of deliberance (is that a word), that I often think about. As natural and as much as I want to spend every waking minute with Doctor Boy, I also still completely enjoy my ‘me’ time (which includes my routine) and I think that’s okay.
I think it’s important to maintain that sense of self and individuality in a relationship. At least it is for me.
And the fact that Doctor Boy loves that about me means a lot. He respects it, and I respect his similar need to spend time with his friends and family too.
It feels as though the making for something special, long term, is really and truly there. I’ve felt it for awhile now, but I’m more sure than ever now. I learn every day, I learn.
December 12, 2010 at 6:22 pm
I love that he was honest with you when you texted him when you realized you felt a little badly for leaving before breakfast. Rather than gloss it over, he at least acknowledged that your guilt was sorta for a good reason (if that makes sense). But he also still “gets” that you’re you and that sometimes you just need to stick to your routine, and other times you’ve learned to let it go which is awesome. Sounded very Scott-like in his response, I must say. NOT that they are the same person, but they have some similarities that I dig. Just sayin’
December 13, 2010 at 10:13 am
thank you sis. I agree with you, he does seem similar to Scott in that way. I notice that too
December 12, 2010 at 6:51 pm
Well I totally understand the whole routine thing. It can be so hard to deviate in the slightest even if it’s only changing your schedule by maybe an hour. I love that he loves you for you though. But it’s also important you learn to give a little (pot/kettle here of course). I can’t imagine how hard it would be to flex when you’ve been on your own doing “your” thing too. I see my sister going through that too.
December 13, 2010 at 10:13 am
it really can derail! Routine is far more ingrained in me than I ever though, so that has probably been my biggest struggle…and if that’s my biggest struggle, I consider myself very lucky
December 12, 2010 at 7:05 pm
You’re a smart girl, you know where the right balance lies. All I can say is that maybe you could make breakfast a part of your routine, they way everyone’s happy, and you’re fed! lol
December 13, 2010 at 10:00 am
Thank you! I am trying to find the right balance and I know we are both almost there, and we’ll get there. I like your suggestion, and being fed is always top of mind for me anyway lol
December 18, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Everyone does need to get fed!
I think that the right balance will be obvious as you continue to blend your worlds together. And, on weekends, there are two mornings, right? You can keep your routine one day and enjoy his another. Plus, couldn’t breakfast be breakfast in bed
?
December 19, 2010 at 5:34 pm
you’re so right, it will. it’s blending more and more already. and I am ALWAYS up for breakfast in bed
December 12, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Sounds like you have a great balance in your relationship and a very supportive boyfriend.
December 13, 2010 at 10:00 am
Thank you! I think I do. It’s taken some adjusting but that’s all part of the fun of it, too, right?
December 13, 2010 at 2:24 am
I think it’s wonderful that you’re given the opportunity to be you in the relationship and Doctor Boy loves you for you and all your ways.
December 13, 2010 at 9:59 am
Thank you! It really is a wonderful feeling.
December 13, 2010 at 7:57 am
When you find someone who loves you unconditionally, hang on with both hands. You’ll figure it out…when to compromise and when to stick to your guns. Seems like you two are on a good path. Love reading you!
Big hugs.
December 13, 2010 at 9:59 am
Thank you, and you are right. We’ll figure out the kinks, but the bottom line is just that – he does love me for me (and me for him) and that is a lot harder to find than someone that perfectly jives with your schedule!
December 13, 2010 at 9:33 am
I am definitely a routine person too, and an early riser at that! Early in our relationship, my husband learned that even if we stayed out late the night before, I’d be up and running (literally) long before he got up. I worked him into my routine by stopping at a bagel shop or bakery at the end of my run and then lounging a bit together before getting on with the rest of the day. I’m sure you two will find a balance that works great for you!
December 13, 2010 at 9:58 am
good point! I too am more of a morning person than he is, but I’m slowly drawing him out of sleeping in tooo much but also allowing myself to sleep in a bit too, sometimes, because hey, it is enjoyable when there’s someone next to you
It’ll take time to truly adjust to each other’s paces, but we’re getting there!
December 13, 2010 at 9:51 am
I struggle with this too. I’ve thrown my routine out the window for the past two weeks as I knew I wouldn’t get to see HS Marine for a while. I’m really glad I did, because I won’t be able to see HS Marine again until Christmas! There are times to give in and times to remain firm. Unfortunately it’s not always easy to tell the difference!
December 13, 2010 at 9:57 am
You’re right, there are times for both and sometimes it’s hard to gauge when is the right time and when isn’t. Sounds like you chose best as well!
December 13, 2010 at 10:45 am
You are doing beautifully. It is there in those little peripheral nuances–you texting him to say you felt badly–where your growing sense of unity is revealed. You know that you want to maintain your self, but you want to do so within a couple-unit. Of course it will take some time to find that right balance. If you were a pro at this, then this wouldn’t be such a special relationship, now would it? Isn’t part of the joy of this experience the learning within that place?
December 13, 2010 at 11:14 am
Aww…so so right! I love your perspective on this. It’s true, there is a lot of joy in learning together as part of this experience. I completely agree.
December 13, 2010 at 11:41 am
I think that’s understandable. And honestly it was probably the hardest adjustment I had to take when becoming a mom because my routine revolved around someone else. Now, M & I have a good routine…which is about to be disrupted again with a new baby. It doesn’t sound too appealing to me at all. I guess certain times make us grow and adjust though, and usually for the better.
December 13, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Oh I can just IMAGINE how hard it is when you have a child, to re-adjust, or er, adjust to a whole new routine. Times like these certainly do make you grow!
December 13, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I have all the confidence in the world that you will figure out exactly what works and doesn’t work for you in this relationship. You both seem very mature and like you know what you want. Communication is key, and you knew that and talked about it. And that is just great Jolene.
December 13, 2010 at 1:20 pm
thank you so much Marisa! As much as I love to communicate (LOL), sometimes I find it difficult to be as open as I want. So that is something I work on every day, but I know I can be honest with him, on the little and the big things all the same. Feels good.
December 13, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Just found your blog, and I love it. I totally relate- my boyfriend has helped me deroutine a bit, but I know routine is what works for me at the same time. We’re learning as we go!
December 13, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Oh thank you! Glad you found it and can relate! It is all about learning as we go.
December 13, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Amen.
I think it is SO important for people to maintain their individuality in relationships. Sadly, I lost a good friend (a LONG time ago) because I was “that girl” who only spent time with her BF. Lesson learned.
And like you said…..this makes you YOU, and Dr. Boy understands it AND I’m sure it makes him love you even more!
December 13, 2010 at 3:47 pm
It’s really important to me too. I never want to be “that girl” either. It’s sad when it becomes you and you don’t realize it till it’s too late. And I am glad he “gets” it too. Means so much!
December 13, 2010 at 4:00 pm
As long as you’re also allowing him to speak honestly about this “routine” and heck, even inviting him along! You have time to build forever with him. Take care of you but listen if he has something to say about it… or if he needs you to stay close in that moment. I love that he’s treating your time with respect. That says volumes.
December 13, 2010 at 4:33 pm
You’re right. And he’s even OFFERED to help me but I feel like I should just do it, even though most of the time, I know he offers because he just wants to spend time together. For some reason, I can’t get used to that, even though I love the more and more we merge our lives together. It’s something I need to blog out more, I think too. But I love that he respects me and my schedule too. Means so much.
December 13, 2010 at 8:30 pm
[...] to love that so much about me. But he does. And that means so much to me. Because he respects my routine (yet nudges me to let go just a little bit), he respects my need for a healthy balance of me time, [...]
December 13, 2010 at 8:35 pm
One of the best things about THIS marriage that I am in now, is he is the first man to ever allow me to be me with no judgment. He also respects my routine and I respect his. We manage to meet in the middle on things that are important. It’s the only way to go!!
December 14, 2010 at 9:13 am
THAT is the best. No judgment, so important. I’m happy for you!
December 13, 2010 at 9:59 pm
As long as you’re open with each other, I think this will last a very long time.
I’m a big believer in routines too! But it’s always the moment when I break out of them that I have the most fun! Of course then I start stressing after awhile that I am leaving things undone. Ah, the vicious cycle.
December 14, 2010 at 9:13 am
Thank you. So right. Need to remain open, not bottle stuff up. I ran into that problem with my ex. Never again.
December 19, 2010 at 5:48 pm
[...] every single day, to be honest, in keeping the balance I want, while also releasing some of that routine that I don’t always need to keep and just enjoying the man – and the life – in [...]