March 2009

Had dinner last night with Pete…he used to make this MEAN meatloaf (I’d playfully call it PETEloaf) and as we usually watch 24 together on Monday nights, I asked if he’d make it if I supplied the ingredients. So, we had dinner last night, and it was very refreshing, in a way, to be back at more of a normal stage, and not awkward. Not to say it has been completely awkward when we’ve gotten together in the past, but on occasion, it’s been a bit awkward at a times. But not last night. Last night was normal, we joked, ate a yummy dinner and watched 24. As FRIENDS.

And it worked. Gives me hope that maybe we can sustain a friendship after all is said and done. Time will continue to tell, though, and the wild card for me still is, when one (or both) of us starts dating, will it still be normal? Or will it get weird? Hoping it stays normal, but we’ll see how that goes, when the time comes.

It’s funny because many people would think trying to sustain an ongoing friendship with a soon-to-be-ex spouse is more complicated and harder than it’s worth, but for me, the opposite is true. And, it has nothing to do with trying to hold on to the past or what we had, because it IS the past and I can’t go back, because so much has changed since October and I see him so differently now, and I’m sure, vice versa.

I will admit one thing – I DO miss having dinner with someone other than myself (and my cats!) and having it made FOR me! 😉

Though my post yesterday was a bit down in the dumps, I was able to pull myself out of it later in the day – part of writing the post itself was therapeutic as I got it out of my system and in re-reading my post, realized that it’s true, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, so I just need to really believe that and understand it, reminding myself daily if I have to.

On another note, I watched a wonderful episode of Joel Osteen’s sermons last night around the idea that we need to truly value our time here, day by day, and use our energy for the positive, and not dwell on the negative. This is one of the many reasons I like Joel’s sermons so much – they really speak to me and put things in a completely different perspective. Here is a blurb from the sermon:

“Each day we have the same amount of time to use. If we use our emotional energy for the wrong purposes, focused on the negative, dwelling on who hurt us, we’re not going to have the energy we need for the right purposes. We’re not going to make the best decisions. We’re not going to be as creative with our gifts, and our talents won’t come out to the full. Part of living purposeful is to keep offenses, bitterness and grudges from robbing our energy. Like the sun shines brightly each day, that is how we ought to be; we shouldn’t let anything block our light. With this gift of life comes a responsibility to develop our talents, to pursue our God-given goals, to become everything that He has created us to be. On a regular basis, reevaluate what you’re doing and how you’re spending your time. Refocus your life. Let go of any distractions. Shake off any self-pity, any discouragement, any disappointments and run your race with purpose. If you’ll run with purpose in every step, accepting and appreciating the gift today, then you are redeeming your time, and when you come to the end of your days, you’ll be able to say, “I have no regrets. I have spent my life well.”

So, as I sit here at work, feeling a massive case of the grumpies, I’m really trying to “let go of distractions,” and “shake off self-pity and discouragement,” I am trying to embrace each day so I don’t have any regrets. To anyone reading – take these words to heart and do the same – I see all too often how easy it is for me to fall into this trap and the more I remind myself of the good, the bad seems so much less important.

Off my soapbox for today 🙂

So, this afternoon, I am feeling in a funk…trying not to stress out about my financial situation as it’s only going to get harder, but sometimes it’s hard NOT to get into a funk. Thinking about my mortgage and all of my bills and it just feels overwhelming and as though there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel, but I have to remind myself that it will get better and take it day by day, one bite at a time.

I’m also trying to remember all I have read or listened to from some of my favorites lately (Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen) and know that God will only give you as much as you can handle, and maybe this is part of my test of my faith…to see how strong I am and how much I truly believe. I’m sure I am not the only one who has “those” days and hoping this afternoon, I’ll snap out of it and get back to being a little more positive, because in all honesty, it could be a lot worse, too, right?

Deep breaths…

One thing that I guess I haven’t really been “ready” for is going out again and “mingling” and all that jazz…maybe part of me feels intimidated by it since I haven’t “gone out” as a single chica for oh, almost ten years!I think part of it is still that feeling of the elephant in the room (even though really, I’m the only one in a crowded room who would know I am going through a divorce, such a mental thing!) and feeling odd about it and I know I am clearly overthinking it, but that’s why I’ve been sort of hesitant to go out (beyond girls nights, dinner/drinks with friends etc).

However, I think I am starting to get to the point to want to go out and see what’s out there – not so much to necessarily find someone, but just to literally, get out there again, dip my toe in – and I know I have several volunteers to be my wingwomen, which is awesome (you know who you are!!).

…and how else am I going to figure out where cute spin boy hangs out so I can bump into him not all nasty, sweaty, and out of breath from spinning?! 😉

It’s quote Friday and today’s quote:

“It’s never too late to become the person you might have been”

is something I came across this week and ties into my earlier blog post today around divorce myths and coming through this – as a woman – much stronger than I know Pete will come out at the other end.

I don’t think my marriage stifled me at all, but I think the pending divorce and all I’ve experienced during this-almost five months of redefinition (redefition sounds much better than divorce, doesn’t it?!) has made me realize that I have so much more life to live, and so many more things to see and learn about myself, my strengths, and my potential. I’m ready to stare the future straight in the face and say “bring it on” – I’m starting to get more excited at what each day brings and what else I’ll learn about myself and the world around me.

…oh…and short-term, I’m looking forward to seeing cute spin boy at my spin class tomorrow morning (lovin a little cute man crush!!) 😉

Just came across a really interesting post on divorce myths from the Debating Divorce blog. Some of these myths don’t pertain to my particular situation (no kids etc), but one really stuck out to me:

Myth 3- “Women bitterly regret divorce”, not true. Most divorced women do not regret divorcing. Moreover, divorced women are generally happier than divorced men. And one large study suggests that many middle-aged women become happier after their divorce. These women showed an increase in positive self-image and self-esteem and were inspired by their divorce to gain more control of their lives. Myth 4 was a myth I have often wondered about “Women emerge from divorce more emotionally scarred and psychologically damaged than do men”, according to divorce source, not only are divorced women happier than divorced men, but they are better off emotionally too. This myth was so interesting to me that I will dedicate a post to life after divorce looking at both men and women.

I couldn’t agree more – I actually think I am coming out of this much stronger than Pete is, and have came away from this learning a lot about myself, when I don’t think he really has. In a way, that’s pretty sad, because he’s the one who made the decision to divorce, not me, yet I am the one learning the most. (Note: here is the follow-on blog entry on divorce – men vs. women, if you are interested!)

Stay tuned for my quote Friday quote, just had to post this quickie blog post while still fresh in my mind. Happy Friday!

I’m living alone. Okay, no duh, of course I am…but tonight as I was making dinner and feeding my kitties, it just sort of hit me…I’m living alone and I have been living alone since sometime on November, and I’m doing it. Seems so simplistic, but for those of you that don’t know me, living alone and me do NOT mix. I’ve never lived alone. Ever. And I’ve never wanted to. So when this happened, and I was forced to live alone, it just felt so daunting. And I know I have mentioned how I’m adjusting to living alone and all that jazz, but I guess I am feeling at a point where I know I can do it. I still don’t love it, but there are more pros than cons to it now and I think that’s all I need right now.

Now back to some peace and quiet and kitties purring 😉

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