April 2009


Today was one of “those” days – where I was my own worst enemy, dragging myself down, whining (or whambulance-ing as I call it) about how frustrating the refinancing process is becoming, how work is just becoming more and more of a pressure-cooker with little hope of much of a recovery in the short term (thanks economy…for the pay cut, pay freeze, etc etc!), when I read my horoscope (which, again, I don’t really put a lot of weight behind, but this one was good!):

“If the big picture is getting you down, narrow your focus a bit and try to enjoy the smaller aspects of life. it’s good to remember what you’re truly thankful for in life and spread the word.”

whambulanceSo, yeah, the big picture was getting me down and I was feeling like a huge weight bearing down on me, so this was a inspirational smack upside the head I needed to refocus my perspective and take it one day at a time. And, big picture-wise, I still do have a lot to be thankful for, despite it all. I’m thankful for the best family I could have ever asked, the most supportive, loving sisters in the world, a tight circle of really special friends that I’d do anything for, a JOB (period! In this economy, that is), a HOME, two loving kitties, and confidence that things will get better. So there’s my pep talk to myself today…and maybe (I hope!) I inspired you to alter your perspective on anything that’s getting you down. Sometimes, it really is the little things that matter most.

meerkat-suricatasuricattaOkay, not really, but it got you to keep reading, right?? Read a great blog today from Snarbutt Divorced about being cautious relationships and the doubts and gut reactions that go along with the first forays into relationships after divorce. An excerpt:

Besides the fact that I love meerkats, this is an easy image to keep in mind: Be a meerkat! Keep your head up and look out for danger…I believe in doubt. Doubt is the opposite of dogma, and it keeps me focused and rational. It’s only when I’m sure and confident about something that I get burned. On the other hand, if I’m worried about something, I take it seriously. I’m sure there needs to be some balance between confidence and worry, but I do see the value of worry– of keeping my head up and my eyes open.

While I haven’t yet made the foray into dating by any stretch, reading about others’ experiences is interesting and helpful and gets me thinking…for one, I don’t even remember what that “new relationship” feeling is like (complete with the second-guessing, doubts, worries, flutters of excitement etc), since it’s been almost a decade (a scarily long time for a 29 year old, if you ask me!), and second, I’m obviously a lot older, (hopefully) wiser, and know myself a heck of a lot better than I did at 19 or 20. So, this shall be a huge experiment in itself when I get to the dating stage (*daydreaming about CSB*) and I couldn’t help but comment on Snark’s post, because the meerkat analogy was too fantastic to pass up, and in many ways, so true!

no_junk_foodJoel Osteen’s message on this weekend’s program was phenomenal – it was focused on detoxing your mind by going on a “junk food” diet. An excerpt:

 We hear a lot about detoxing our physical bodies today. From all the chemicals, bacteria and pesticides in our foods, it does our body good to go through deep cleanses, riding our bodies of toxins. In the same way, there are all kinds of toxins that can build up in our mind. When we go around dwelling on the wrong thoughts, thinking about what we can’t do, and how somebody hurt us, what someone said we couldn’t do and how we’ll never get ahead, those thoughts are toxic thoughts. And toxic thoughts left alone become like toxic waste. It will eventually contaminate our whole life. It affects our self-image. It affects our attitude, our level of confidence. It becomes a part of who we are.

That’s why it says in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else guard your heart for it affects everything you do.” The writer is saying make guarding your mind a priority. Put this at the top of your “To Do” list because if your mind gets polluted, your whole life is going to be polluted. Every morning when we get up, we should go through this cleansing and detoxing. Forgive the people that have hurt us. Let go of every disappointment. Detox the low self-esteem. Detox the negative words. Detox little dreams. If you will guard your mind and not let these toxic thoughts take root, but instead keep it full of faith filled thoughts,  you’re going to rise higher and higher into new levels with God.

What I love about Joel’s message is that they are so simple, yet so profound. They are “no, duh” yet it’s SO EASY to fall into the traps he warns against, like negative thoughts – aka toxins – that have a way of affecting everything we do. Being negative is the easy thing to do and being strong and positive is harder, and not as natural as to just give up. So, listening to that message last night as I was trying to get my mind ready for the work week, it’s yet another reminder to stay positive, stay strong and don’t let the little things bog you down.

As Joel says – don’t be a victIM, be a victOR.

https://i0.wp.com/www.myfreegraphics.com/images/fulls/1libra.0.gifSo, I don’t put a lot of weight behind my horoscope (I’m a Libra), but I do read them on occasion, just out of curiosity. Today’s horoscope struck me as it mentioned that I am “ready to talk about something really big…even if it doesn’t quite seem like it.” VERY interesting to read that as I have been debating and thinking about when I’ll be ready to officially open myself up beyond my circle of family and friends and let “it” be official – the situation – the DIVORCE.

I suppose I am overthinking it, once again, but as it nears the six-month mark (I can’t actually recall the official date we fully decided, but Halloween night is really the date I was told it was over) this coming week, I’m sort of sick of hiding it.

And when I say I am hiding it, I am hiding it from acquaintances and coworkers that I don’t talk to often (I work in PR so my direct client teams know, but not necessarily outside of that circle). I am hiding it on Facebook (sounds silly, but I took my relationship status completely off Facebook so it woudn’t show up single or whatever, to anyone who I am friends with), but now that Pete is officially on Facebook, his status says single (or It’s complicated – sort of ironic…) so it’s really only a matter of time. Rather than being “outed” I think I may just wear it on my proverbial sleeve…drop my married name on Facebook, mention it more freely and feel that unpsoken weight lifted off my shoulders and regain my identity again.

So, my question is…AM I overthinking it? Is it “too soon” to “out” myself, or conversely, have I waited too long?! I obviously won’t officially change my name back to my maiden name until the divorce is official, but on silly things like Facebook, I think it’s about time.

Thoughts??

I know you are all waiting with baited breath on project: cute spin boy (or CSB for short) and I don’t have a huge update, but an update is an update, right? And it’s a beautiful Saturday here in New England so I thought a fun post was in order to round out the week.

spinning_logo_smallThe latest intelligence I’ve gathered:

  • He’s even HOTTER with a tan from his trip to Aruba!
  • He used to live in Medford
  • He now knows my full name, email address and phone number! (no, not what you think, unfortunately. There was a raffle during spin class today and I won something, so hey, at least he has my info, if he were to want to act on it – that’s the question!!)

So, that’s it kids, I wish there were more to share, but I think it’s a bit of a milestone that he knows my name. When I first started class, he introduced himself but I had a feeling he wouldn’t remember it, since there are so many people in class. So, to me, that’s a start! He was super chatty before/after class though, and dare I say *slightly* flirty, so we’ll see what happens.

Looking forward to class tomorrow, that’s for sure! Have a great day outdoors and enjoy this awesome weather!!

For this week’s quote Friday, I’m focusing on strength. As mentioned earlier today, my Nonna is sick and I’m trying to pull all my strength and faith in God that she will pull through. Today’s quote:

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strength. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

Giving up or giving in is not an option – and I am constantly reminded of that on a daily basis. It always frustrates me when I can be so strong one minute, and when something really bad happens – like my Nonna’s situation – or the frustrations with the divorce process really start to get to me – it is SO easy to just fall back into weakness and spiral downward. But, that habit needs to stop, and the more I write about positive influence, like God, and ministers like Joel Osteen, the more I gain strength and inch towards “winning” and conquering the hardships that cause me to falter or be weak. I AM strong, I am proving it, and sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.

No blog post yesterday…I tend to write them at night (and, if I know I won’t have a chance, I write them at some point during the day), but had a somewhat sudden change of plans last night. My grandmother (Nonna as we call her – Italian for grandma) – who has been sick on and off the last few months, with a heart attack and a stroke – took a bit of a turn for the worst yesterday so I went to to the hospital to see her. And it was hard. Very hard to see her all tied up to machines, tubes everywhere. She was sleeping, so my mother and one of my sisters just sat with her and talked to her, and about her.

It’s a reality of life that slapped me straight across the face yesterday and something I don’t want to face. I am extremely fortunate to have all four grandparents alive at this age, especially after I have seen countless friends go through the pain of losing a grandparent in the past couple of years. So, I am praying, and hoping Nonna pulls through. She is a fighter, she is strong, and I love her dearly.

When I talked to her soon after she heard about my divorce, she said some of the sweetest, most loving words that I will never forget. She’s very special and one of the kindest-hearted people I know. Another post tonight…just wanted to get this out while it was fresh.

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