As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, Pete and I have dinner once or twice a week together. He came by last night and over dinner, we were talking about our last vacation together – to Aruba, last April, and I asked him if he was feeling any of these “feelings” about ending our marriage that far back. He said no, it was closer to August/September, and not until October that he identified that it was the marriage that was making him unhappy and that he wanted “out.”

I then asked if he’d really identified why he wanted the divorce, and what really promoted it, because, when we (or should I say, HE…) decided to separate and divorce, he couldn’t give me a reason beyond the very cliche-d “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase, which left me with absolutely no closure and about a gazillion questions.

Since then, I have gotten past the “need” for closure in terms of him giving me a reason for why he wanted it, and also, why he just gave up and didn’t want to work on it first. Anyway, his answer to my question? No, he still hasn’t really figured out the “why” behind the divorce, besides not wanting to be married anymore. Still very wishy-washy and many people (some of my family included!) would probably want something a little more clear and definitive, but me? I don’t need a reason for closure anymore because I am realizing that my rediscovery and journey towards who I am becoming is enough closure for me. And that, for me, is a huge step in the right direction.

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