As I write this, I’m thinking about my Nonna, who may not have much longer on this earth, and I am acutely aware at just how short life is, and harboring anger or resentment or hurt against those that have hurt you isn’t worth it. I read a blog earlier this week by Victoria Osteen (Joel Osteen’s wife) that I thought was very fitting – not only because of what my Nonna is going through and how short life is, but also because I think it is time to fully let forgiveness in towards Pete. An excerpt:

So often, people hold on to bitterness or resentment, thinking that they are stockpiling ammunition against the person who hurt or offended them as if one day, they’ll have the chance to get even. However, the truth is, if you don’t choose to forgive, the only person being punished is you.

Unforgiveness is like a barrier that actually blocks the door to your heart. In order to move forward, you must remove the barrier, open the door of your heart, and extend forgiveness to others. When the door of your heart is open, you can then release all the hurt and pain and make room for God’s healing.Why don’t you release your balloons today? Let go of all offenses and give them to God. You can accomplish so much more when you allow forgiveness to fill your heart.

I wasn’t really sure how I felt about Pete, and what he’d done, the way he made his decision to end our marriage, but we were talking the other night, and I asked him the thing that has been the hardest for him through the past six months, and he said, “ruining your life.” And, for me, that blew me away, I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I thought he would have said being lonely, or money, or something “him” focused, not “me” focused. And I realized that he really does care about me as a person and as a companion he has had in me for almost ten years, and I just felt a release. I didn’t think I was harboring anything against him, but at the point, I realized that maybe I was. I’ve let go of the hurt and the anger and the sadness and have embraced what our relationship has morphed into (as I’ve chronicled here on my blog the past six months) but there was clearly a piece that hadn’t fully forgiven him. And I do, I forgive him. And I am thankful we have shifted into this healthy friendship. I am proud of me, of us, and of him as well because he has treated me fairly through all of this (except for um, of course, leaving me hehe). Forgiveness is a powerful thing, it really is.