As I near the seven month mark, I’ve been once again reflecting on this journey so far, and despite life’s ups and downs (particularly in losing my Nonna this week), I am coming into a time where I feel genuinely content. And that says a lot, to be honest, because my life is still in quite a bit of limbo, as we have to sell our house and go our separate ways, life feels up in the air, yet personally and emotionally, I couldn’t feel more grounded and in touch with who I am and what I want out of this next phase of my life.
For example, I went to see some apartments yesterday, to get a feel for what I like and where I want to live once the house sells, and I felt so empowered! It was strange and unexpected, but when I saw the second place, I fell in love with it. It was a really cute townhouse not far from where I live now and I could really see making that into a home. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet, but it felt good, and it felt right.
I also feel like I am much more content doing things on my own. I planted flowers and plants in the garden this weekend alone – usually, I’d just let Pete do it and be content watching from the sidelines. But I really got into it, enjoyed the peacefulness of planting in silence, hearing the birds chirping and seeing the cats watch me from the window. It may sound like little things, but that’s okay, baby steps are still steps and I just feel optimistic about things more than ever, and despite feeling so up in the air on where I’ll be living and how fast (or how slow – let’s hope not) the house sells.
I also look at pictures now vs. the first few months after the situation started and I just look happier and different, more confident, more open. I don’t look scared or sad or alone. I am finding my place in the world, MY place, where I fit, and that couldn’t feel more right.