It’s been an eye opening week or so, mentally. I feel like I am entering a new phase of “the situation” where I need to come to terms with the fact that we are both moving on (some faster than others…), that I need to truly be “okay” with being alone, and branching out, and that whatever life throws at me, I need to internalize, accept, and grow from.

I had another mini-funk yesterday where I just got unbelievably down, and was feeling alone, so I went for a bit of a drive (in my snazzy new car). I turned my iPod on and just drove and listened, and one of my all-time favorite Boyz II Men (don’t tease, they are a great group!) songs “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” came on and I almost changed the song, because I was trying to stay towards upbeat songs, but the words captivated me:

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought we’d get to see forever
But forever’s gone away
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don’t know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we’ve been
And what we’ve been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it’s worth all the wait
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

What more can I say to those words? They capture exactly what I am feeling. I’m in this limbo of friendship and moving on with Pete, and while I do want to retain some kind of friendship with him, I need to let go of the past friendship/relationship we had and realize it’s going to keep changing and I need to find a happy medium – a friendship that I am comfortable with, when I am ready. So, I’ve given it some space and haven’t really talked much to him the past few days. I think I need that space to regroup in my mind, say goodbye to “yesterday” and say hello to the future.

Me. Single. Happy. An Individual.

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