So, yesterday sort of sucked – finding out that CSB has a girlfriend. Beyond that being a huge surprise – my reaction to it surprised me even more. I went through a huge rollercoaster of emotions in the span of an hour – shock, that sickness in the pit of your stomach, fear, sadness, and a sudden unwillingness to want to put myself out there, ever.
I thought – if I have this kind of reaction over a CRUSH, how am I going to feel when I DO start dating and get rejected? Or realize the guy isn’t someone I want to date? How am I going to cope with that when I freak out over a crush…beating myself up over letting myself believe there could be something there, and putting myself out there, flirting, and being mad at myself for even bothering at all. But then I realized – okay, *perhaps* I am overreacting. And I knew I was, but it was just so surprising to me, when I thought there may actually be a connection brewing and to find out he has a girlfriend was just so unexpected. And, after many a pep talk from my sisters, friends and blog “family,” a few things have risen to the top: I can still have a crush on CSB (no harm in that!), the crush proved that I AM over Pete, that I AM ready to date, and who knows…maybe CSB and CSBGF are on the rocks (okay, so maybe that part is just my daydreaming!).
In any event, I learned that I still have a LOT to learn, a lot to experience, and a lot more strength to develop. And I think I’m ready to face it, head on.