This whole CSB/CSBGF thing has gotten me thinking more and more about dating. Dive-in? Tip-toe? Use a life jacket?
Okay, let me back up – that and a couple of blogs and a couple of conversations – have gotten me thinking about dating and readiness and what I want out of the dating experience.
Let me start by reminding you – I haven’t dated in almost 10 years, and even then, I hardly dated, I’ve always been more of a relationship girl than a “dater” (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), so this is an entirely brand spankin new world to me. One of my good friends explained her experience with dating after divorce – she said, “you need to decide what you WANT before you do anything” – so, decide if I okay with a casual relationship, or if I am looking for committment, etc. That seems so simplistic and such a nuance, but it’s so true. One of my things is – do I want to date some random guy on say, Match.com, or do I want to take my time with whomever it is, get to know them, then date? I use that example as CSB – it was really comfortable to me to get to know CSB and his likes/dislikes/background first (of course, now that’s shot to hell – damn CSBGF! LOL). Now that I don’t have that “prospect” in mind, it does feel daunting to date someone without knowing them first – but I know that’s all part of it, in most cases, so it’s something I need to keep in mind and think about.
I’ve been following some recent posts from Snarkbutt Divorced on his post-divorce relationship and going through a breakup. It boggles my mind – he brings up some great points – and his closing is particularly significant (since this is how I felt when Pete told me he wanted a divorce):
I realize the significance of my agony over breaking AG’s heart. This must be, on a smaller scale, what SnarkEx went through when she left me. Except that I never made any commitments to AG, never broke a promise to her, and I hope I didn’t lead her on.
Seems to come full circle sometimes – rejection goes both ways – so being on the other end of a break-up (the doing!) also seems daunting, no matter how well it’s handled (and it appears well-handled here, SnarkEx!) – so it’s just a lot to think about – and yes, I realize I am going 900 miles an hour in my mind when I should be going, oh, 25 miles an hour! I’m not dating anyone yet!! My Wednesday ramblings for ya…take it or leave it 😉