So, I had another very enlightening conversation with Pete, randomly, last night. I mentioned that I signed the divorce papers on Monday, and he said, yeah, I know, I saw what you wrote on Facebook. I had written “signed, sealed, and delivered” – thinking that was a vague phrase to use that most of the people on my page wouldn’t understand, but for me, it felt like this “situation” is finally coming to a close. He said it hurt his feelings and he was really angry at my yesterday, because it felt like I just wanted to get rid of him and was rubbing it in his face. His perception – but not truly reality.

First of all, there are so many things wrong with that statement, it’s ridiculous – he left me, not vice versa, and just because I am moving on and feeling a sense of closure, doesn’t mean I am trying to get “rid” of him as a friend. As I have mentioned many times before, our relationship has evolved into something of a friendship and I feel peace with it (while many would feel angst, stress, or resentment), so I felt the need to then explain why I wrote what I wrote.

I explained that, last October, his “signed, sealed and delivered” was walking away from the marriage and giving up. For me, I had no closure, and I was forced to find my way and myself and move on. The fact that the divorce is finally moving ahead IS my closure, it is helping me feel grounded and as though I can move on, and look forward to the next phase of my life (that I’ve already started, of course, but the divorce, and selling the house, will cement that further). When I explained that to him, he seemed to “get it” more and realized I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but I think he also understood where I am coming from through all of this.

Then we got into a conversation about how it ended. He remarked that this time last year, he started feeling “f-ed up” and confused and unhappy, and that was the beginning of the end for him – unbenownst to me. I asked him if he regretted anything and he said he regrets giving up and walking out, that he should have tried harder. I asked him if he thought it would have mattered, or if it would have dragged things out, hurting me more. He said he didn’t know, but he was sorry for just running away (that, to me, is a sense of regret, in not so many words). He said we had the perfect relationship but that we were just best friends at the end. And I explained to him that yes, I thought the same, but only after he pointed that out, but that what neither of us did is try to recreate the spark that helped us fall in love in the first place, and that just because we didn’t fight, didn’t mean we were good communicators. He agreed with that, too (but only after I pointed it out…). And I said that I do want to be friends, and I think we can continue that, because that is what our 10 year relationship has always been rooted in.

That was basically our conversation…it was eye-opening, I think, for both of us, because perception never IS reality, and you really need to see what’s under the covers to really know what’s going on. Things are never as they appear on the surface, are they?

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side note – wish me luck on date #1 with match.com boy #2 tonight 🙂 I am starting to feel a little nervous, but not nearly as nervous as the first date I went on, because at least now I know I can do it!!

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