With a week of ups and downs, the capper just had to be this – I got my divorce date today and almost laughed then almost cried – it’s on September 11th. That date seems almost “sacred” just because of the 9/11 tragedy, but I almost laughed because it’s sort of ironic that this is the date of my divorce. And wow, it’s really sinking in…in about three weeks, I’ll be divorced. Officially. Over. 10 years of my life, done.
So, as I sit and reflect on that, and really let that sink in, I think about the close-to-a-year’s worth of “the situation” and how different my life feels now and how different I personally feel. So, my quote for today’s quote Friday is one I’ve tucked away for awhile, but it’s so fitting:
“Who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but what we’re capable of when we least expect it”
What I have gone through, and what I’ve shown I’m capable of has downright shocked me. And I think it shocked Pete too. The first few months of this ordeal were heart-wrenching. I’ve never cried so much, so hard, or so deeply in my life. I’ve never felt as though my heart physically ached to the point of my chest feeling as though it would explode. I’ve never felt like running away and hiding more than during those months. And I never wanted to hold on for dear life to the life, the love, and the home I’d built with Pete. I thought I could never, ever capture anything closely resembling it.
…and then, I started to see things more clearly, I didn’t cry as much on a daily basis, I started feeling slowly stronger, the sparkle that had left my eyes (the pictures from the holidays say it all – my eyes look dead, sad, and empty) started to come back, and forgiveness started to creep in. I stumbled up an inspiring statement today, and thought it fit so well with this post, and this quote:
“Whenever the world seems to get the best of me, whenever I feel it closing in on me, I go to a quiet place that lies somewhere in my soul. I do not reason, analyze or think. Those will come later. I simply go. And as a frightened child finds comfort and strength in a loving parent, I find my God and a band of loving Invisibles. From this place of power, I garner strength to stand firm in the face of fire, to be calm in the midst of thunder. When I emerge from this sanctuary, the world has not changed but I have. And in my changing a whole new world is born.”
This is exactly how I am feeling now. Through a combination of soul-searching, massive family and friend support, and a renewed connection with God, I feel I am finally staring confidently at the road ahead, I am born again with new vigor, strength, happiness and an undying level of hope I have never felt before – that no matter what life throws at me, I can take it, I’m capable of taking it, and forging ahead. I feel as though nothing can shake me – certainly not to that level – and I am looking forward to this next phase of my life.