Over the next few weeks, I’m going to have a few “guest” bloggers post some thoughts on divorce, and this experience I have gone through over the last almost-10 months (I thought it would be fitting, considering d-day is coming upon me oh-so-quickly).

Today’s guest post is from one of my amazing, wonderful, supportive friends – I like to call her BDF (best divorced friend). Her name is Amy, and she’s been my lifeline (even though she sadly lives in FL, far, far away from me!). I just remember when I first told her about “the situation.” I was sitting on my living room floor, in November, on a dark and dreary night, and as I began to tell her EVERYTHING, I was a blubbering mess, I was crying, I was whimpering, I could barely get my words out. At some points, we both were crying and neither of us quite talking. From then on, she’s been wonderful, and one of my biggest sounding boards (whether she believes it or not, considering we don’t get to catch  up nearly as often as we like!).

So, here’s her post, and it’s amazing. Enjoy.

One of the most profound things about divorce is that although a couple is terminating their relationship, divorce ultimately unites people.  Though we all experience different divorces, essentially, it’s all the same: someone isn’t happy about the divorce, we cry, we wonder, we hate, we hope and, ultimately, we move on.  When I first heard about “the situation” I wanted to impart all of the information I had uncovered about divorce that I wish someone had told me.  But our “situations” came about for very different reasons.  Of course, we all want the best for our friends and want to tell them all of the “watch out for this” and “you’re going to feel like this”, but part of healing while going through divorce is learning about your new self and figuring out how to pick up the pieces of your former life and assemble them somewhere else.  And, that doesn’t make any sense unless you’ve been there.  Certainly, Jo and I commiserated and got teary-eyed over the phone as we shared the details of our stories but you can only say so much.  I caught myself starting to try and tell Jo how she shouldn’t have an ongoing friendly relationship with Pete as it would make her miserable and only hold her back from moving on.  I give her credit, I couldn’t have maintained a relationship in that situation.  Then, I thought “She thinks it’s ok now, but she will realize that this isn’t healthy” and I am happy to swallow some humble pie because it is healthy, healthy for her.  I am happy that her faith and outlook on life have given her the strength and ability to prove me wrong.  I say this so often now but divorce is literally the best thing that has happened to me.   Divorce has made me stronger, made me realize that fighting every now and then in a relationship is ok and that it is healthy to be part of a “we” and not lose myself.  I know that Jolene has also had this epiphany and is stronger because of the experience.  Though it is embarrassing to admit we have been defeated by divorce, it seems like most of us have only benefited from our “starter marriages” as we can look back and say we are more self-aware, stronger and won’t settle for anything less than what we know we want from a relationship.  We divorce, we grow stronger and then we guest blog about it!…ultimately it unites us.

Just re-reading that now gets me pretty emotional. Heck, she should be writing a blog, too, don’t you think? 😉 (and no humble pie Amy, no need!! 🙂 – like you say, everyone is different!!)

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