it’s go time. Tomorrow morning…about 12 hours from now I’ll be just about divorced. Past tense. Wow.
I think last night was worse for me than tonight, I felt like I mourned the loss of what we had and let it really sink in, and today, I just have some anxiety and anticipation over the whole thing. I also wrote my letter to Pete last night, and I’ll post an excerpt of it here (I was going to share the whole thing, but feel some things aren’t always meant to be that transparent). Writing it, I feel like I experienced the “death” of what we were, and thought back to day 1 – today of what we’ve become.
So, here’s an excerpt…saying goodbye to yesterday..
I am thinking about the beginning, and realizing right now, writing this, that THIS is how it began. Words…in that Excite chat room almost 10 years ago. Amazing. We were both so young, you 19, me 20, and now, we are almost exactly 10 years later, you, 29, me on the verge of 30, and we are both completely different people than we were then, and even than we were last October, when this all began.
In a way, it feels tragic still, that “we” are ending, but in another way, it feels right, because we have cultivated a very good friendship, spawned out of a strong relationship, and two people that still care about each other. Last October, I was heartbroken. Completely devastated. As though I was empty, lost, scared, and shellshocked. I didn’t think I would recover, and I never, ever thought I’d become who I am today. But after so many months, so many challenges to surpass, I am proud to have made it this far, and almost prouder that we are still side by side, supporting each other as friends, as two people that do genuinely care about each other. And that gives me closure, and I hope it gives you closure too. We’ll never know if we were “meant” to be, if it would have worked, had we had the chance to work on it, but I don’t think I would change a thing. There are no what-if’s, there are no second chances, this is it, and I’m confident this is what was meant to be…
…I want to thank you for sharing the past 10 years with me, as I will never forget this time in my life. I will always have a special place in my heart for you, and I know deep down, I do love you – in a different way now, but it’s there – and I’m glad we made it through this at-times rocky journey with that in-tact. It shows how strong we both really are. Together.
on another side note…I hit 8,000 hits today, which is AMAZING, since I just hit 7,000 on August 27, less than 3 weeks ago…I feel blessed to have so many people reading…hope you are enjoying this journey with me…