Phew…it’s been one hell of a rollercoaster of emotions weekend. I am just back from the Cape and had an amazing time with good friends and family, and am so thankful this weekend coincided with the divorce.
However, at the same time, my emotions were all over the place. After the divorce proceedings on Friday, I got a call from my real estate agent with some semi-good semi-bad news about the second mortgage holder and their decision regarding the short sale. They agreed (the semi-good news) but on the condition that we pay $12,000 at closing (the semi-bad news), which is the end of this month. Ack. We’re trying to get that number down, but it was sort of the nail in the coffin for how I was feeling after court that morning.
Then, this weekend, I had SO much fun. We drank, we ate, we laughed, we vegged. We talked about marriage and divorce and what I’ve gone through, and it was sort of good to talk about it more, and hear others’ perspectives 1 on 1. But today, I suddenly felt alone. Very alone. I’m not sure why, because I am not lonely, really, but it was the first time I realized that this is just me now, it’s not us, it’s me. I know it’s been just me for almost a year, but now that the divorce is final, I really felt it. And I know I’ll go through that feeling of alone-ness on and off and I just need to let myself feel it…because after I felt it and just thought through it, I felt better and not so alone anymore.
And I know I’ll get through the rest of the house sale and moving into my new place…and I’ll move on from feeling alone, but I just have to remember that this is a process, it’s my life, and I’ve faced a lot, so I can do this. I got this. Just need to remind myself sometimes.