October 2009


Well, it’s a fitting day…one year ago, my life seemingly fell apart in an instant, and I thought I could never be happy again. I thought I needed that someone in my life to be happy, that there was no way I could do it on my own, and be happy for me, and only me.

…well, I was wrong. SO wrong. And now, I think it’s high time I be a little bit selfish and declare this next year of my life as “me” time – I don’t think I should have to choose another path right now BUT to be happy for me, to make decisions that make only ME happy. If not now, when, right? I feel so inspired today…it’s a gorgeous late-fall day (mid-70s – feels like spring! windows open, gentle breeze…), and I heard a song on the radio (borrowing from Song Saturday BSF!) and it literally IS what I am feeling right now. Leona Lewis – Happy – give it a listen, and read the lyrics. Spot on.

…and to top it off, my BDF came up from Florida for an impromptu visit to see her family, and I am SO excited to see her. She’s been amazingly supportive, despite the distance, and I’m so thankful to have her in my life. So, to tonight…bring it, it’s going to be a great night.

So, on the eve where my life took a sudden detour in a direction I never fathomed (it was Halloween that Pete officially decided he was going to move out), I thought the following quote was a good one for today’s quote Friday:

“Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.”

This is a lyric from “Second Chance” by Shinedown. I heard it this week on the radio and that lyric struck me (I think my brain now thinks in terms of my blog, I swear – it just comes to me sometimes, and feels so “right” for my posts). When Pete said goodbye to our marriage – it was a second chance, for him, but also for me. At the time, and really, only until recently (last 4-6 months or so) have I seen it that way, too. This period of my life has been so crucial to shaping who I’m becoming, and it does feel like I have the chance to really make it what I want. I feel that power, I have the support I need, and it’s just a matter of me making it happen – me and only me. It used to feel scary and daunting to think of it that way, but I’m doing it, and I have been doing it all along, whether I realized it or not.

I think this quote is a universal one, too. Anyone going through a transition in their life, whether it be the end of a job, and the beginning of another, to a move, to a new relationship, to ending a relationship – it’s a second chance…while we don’t get too many “second chances” in life, I think the most important thing is in realizing you have a second chance to make it happen – whatever that may be – rather than looking back and regretting not taking that leap of faith for that job/relationship/home etc. Though cliche – everything DOES happen for a reason, and seeing it that way is a driver (at least for me) in making the best/most of it, and finding my path.

Who’s with me?!

So, it’s been a fairly quiet week in the world of online dating – and I’ve actually welcomed it. While I believe there is a date looming with boy #8 (as soon as I kick this cold I’ve been battling), and I’ve dabbled a bit on match.com and OK Cupid, I’ve gone back to being low-key about it, not overly stressing and taking my time….sort of goes back to what Someone Said Goodbye said to me in a recent post – “remember..the destination gets here sooner than you think..Enjoy the journey.”

So, that’s what I’m doing – enjoying the journey, as I set out to do! I get myself so tangled up in the ups and downs, the fits and starts, and the (many!) false starts, that I don’t end up enjoying the experience for what it is – an experience. Not the be all and end all, not (necessarily) the path to the next love of my life, but an experience. It’s stretching me into new boundaries, forcing me out of my comfort zone and helping boost my confidence, so I should embrace it, and that I will. Mark my words – and – PLEASE – if I start overthinking again, someone please “virtually” slap me?! K thanks 😉

On another note…haven’t mentioned CSB much lately, and though I see him twice a week for my spinning classes, I haven’t talked to him much in depth. Well, we chatted (maybe a wee bit of flirting?!) a bit more tonight, and damn, he really is still the holy grail of hotness. Just sayin. 😉

My friend “J” over at Life by the Day “nominated” me for a fun little award called the Kreativ Blogger, so I thought it would be fun to share and circulate this to some of my fave blog picks as well on a dreary, dark, and rainy Wednesday night. Here goes!

Here are the rules for this award:
1.Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2.Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3.Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4.Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5.Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6.Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7.Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

My 7 things:

1. I can’t swim. No seriously, I can’t. And I’ve lived in New England my whole life. Shameful.
2. I don’t sing. Ever. Not even in the shower or in the car. EVER.
3. If I could do one thing for a career, it’d be working out. Or serving coffee. Or pouring wine at wineries.
4. I met George Clooney while a cashier at Shaws in my hometown, while they were filming “The Perfect Storm.” Priceless – would have been nice if I had a cuter outfit on than a polyester uniform, but I digress.
5. I disclocated one of my sister’s elbows over a piece of Bazooka gum as a child. But, in my defense, a couple years later, she chipped a bone in my pinky trying to kick me (what? I was defending myself!)
6. I’ve only had serious relationships with left-handed men (I’m also left-handed), and no, this wasn’t purposeful.
7. I’m a triplet (okay, this one’s not really a secret, but couldn’t think of a 7th

Here are some of the blogs I love, that inspire me, drive me, make me laugh, and focus on things that shape me – friendship, divorce, exercise, and my sisters.

1. Life by the Day – J is an incredibly strong, warm-hearted, giving, loving woman. If anyone deserves a child, it is her. Pray for her journey towards success.

2. Snarkbutt Divorced – Snark, what can I say, we are on the same wave-length much of the time re: divorce, dating, and all things in between. You rock.

3. The Diary of a Divorced Guy – Another divorce blog gem – the male perspective on this, and Snark’s blog are just what I need sometimes, and I’m loving reading about your dating forays as well!

4. The Quest for T – An amazing read – you make me believe that love is possible post-divorce, and overcoming obstacles isn’t as hard as it looks. And, I’m totally envious of your way-cool blog layout. I must learn HTML.

5. Since My Divorce – Mandy, your recaps of divorced women and their journeys/learnings post-divorce is an inspiration to read each day. And, my interview with you was truly memorable, and I loved reading your series on my journey, from your perspective. Awesome.

6. ThisIsWhyIDate – BSF!! Though your blog is relatively new, I am so glad you are doing it, and your perspective on dating is often what I need to get the realist (and okay, sometimes pessimistic, but I love ya!) perspective when I’m down over some stupid boy on match.

7. Leaf Turning Moments – Newly minted blog by one of my dearest divorced friends (we seriously need an acronym name for you! (how about BDFF – best divorced FAB friend…since I already have a BDF?!) – you are amazing, you are brave, and I have no doubt your creative talents will pour right through into your blog. Bring it.

8 (okay, I know there aren’t 8 but I can’t leave these out!!). TIE – My sisters’ blogs…I can’t choose between the two because they ARE my sisters, so they both get props: Growing More than Vegetables and EatDrinkBreatheSweat – Jen and Jess’s blogs – both touch on their personal passions tinged with life’s moments and observations. Love them.

Wow, that sounded more like an Oscar speech or something…but was fun, and hopefully informative for those reading, and for my blogging friends – you’re awesome, you keep me going, and inspire me to keep thinking and keep blogging. Bring it on!!

Isn’t it funny how a certain song evokes a certain memory and suddenly you feel like – bam – you’re right where that initial memory brought you? That happened to me this morning, as I popped in one of my favorite Cathe workouts that I haven’t done in awhile. Suddenly, I was at my house, on a dreary, dark October 2008 morning, trying to focus on my workout and not on my surroundings, feelings or sadness…and at that moment this morning, I don’t think I could have been MORE relieved that life had “fast forwarded” a year and I wasn’t actually “in” that moment a year ago.

This week-ish last year (I say “ish” because “the situation” started brewing just after our wedding anniversary (ironically. 10/21) but didn’t fully culminate until – of all days – Halloween night (stay tuned for more on this on Saturday…) was the beginning of a very low time period for me, and to feel so completely 100% different now than I do then is so amazing to me. I wish I had actually started my blogging then, to truly see those feelings captured like a Polaroid picture, rather than in February when I started blogging (wow, it feels so much longer than February!), so all I can rely on right now is recalling how sad that time was and seeing how much things have changed.

On a similar note, Pete came by for dinner on Sunday (because yes, we are now getting together for dinner on occasion. what can I say, I make a mean crockpot dinner! LOL) and we got to chatting about things – where we are now vs. where we were then. I won’t go into a lot of detail on what we talked about, but I will say, as I have said before, our friendship is healthy and natural now, and a year ago, it was so forced, so sad, so angry, and so hurt. I think if it had continued along that path of strain, of trying to push towards staying together when he didn’t want to stay in the marriage, we’d end up hating each other. So, while we continued on the path to divorce, we came to that decision relatively quickly, which may sound sad and maybe even rushed, but what it did was ultimately “save” our friendship and our warm feelings for each other, not anger and hate. For that, I am grateful.

…and so utterly glad to be here, now, happy, than where I was then. Never again!

~~

And on another victorious note – check out the debut post on Leaf Turning Moments – amazing post – 120 days and staying strong!! You go girl…you are amazing, strong, brave, and victorious!!

Hi, my name is Jolene and I’m an overthinker

I know, I know, you are all *shocked* by that revelation. Utterly floored. In all seriousness, I think I’ve reigned in my overthinking ways to a point, but when it comes to dating, Overthinker Ollie comes out in FULL FORCE! I totally relate to what Snarkbutt Divorced has been going through (and chronicling daily – much to my delight!) – the ups and downs of dating, the fits and starts, the second-guessing, overthinking, self-doubt…the works! And dating is supposed to be fun…it’s hard to feel gung-ho about it when that level of overthinking comes into play, and I KNOW I need to reign it in (And, quite a few of you have observed that – all of your feedback and comments have been duly noted and they’ve sunk in. Really. I am grateful to have such good viewpoints from you all (both on my blog and outside of it)).

I need to capture that perspective I claim to have – and I think I DO have to a point, yet when it comes to dating, I tend to lose that perspective faster than I’d like. Sure, there are duds out there who say “I don’t date divorcees” – well, then, I don’t want to date you if you are that close-minded. Sure, there are guys out there who may misread my intentions for what I want in a relationship (or use that as a way “out”) – and if that’s their opinion, and you want to make a snap judgment after a few measly emails over the course of a day, then I don’t want you! And, if we go out on two dates and you proceed to get weird, stop returning phone calls and then send a strange email about feeling like a “hermit,” then buddy, I think you may have underlying issues that I don’t want to get involved in. <–that’s my pep talk…is it working?!

What I need to focus on instead is this: I DESERVE the best, I DESERVE respect, I DESERVE honesty…and if I don’t get that from dating you, then you don’t deserve ME. So, rather than focusing on all these fits and starts and frustrations over date #1 and date #2 fizzles, I’m going to focus on keeping this light (as I fully intended this to be when I jumped into the dating world), keeping it fun, and seeing where it takes me. Isn’t that what makes dating fun? Not all the other BS in between.

…and hopefully, as the cliche states – I’ll find someone when I least expect it (me: but hurry up and find me already! ;-))

Signed,

Overthinking Ollie. Humbled and Hopeful Harriet.

~~

WOW – literally JUST hit 12,000 hits tonight!!! Awesome. I feel even more humbled.

I have a few blog-related thoughts cookin so I figured I’d combine them all into one Sunday blog post.

A couple more blogs to give shout-outs to…I’m excited to first announce that my sister Jess, has started her own fitness-related blog (she and I are both fitness nuts, and I mean that in the nicest, least crazy way possible) called EatDrinkBreatheSweat. I’m going to do a guest post on her blog here and there, and am really excited about it!! This means that all three of us triplet sisters have our own blogs (Jen’s blog, which I have mentioned before, is called Growing More than Vegetables, and is focused on her research as she finishes her PhD at UNH, and other observations on life. Very inspirational, too!)

Second, my close friend from work that went through divorce at the same time as me (and was also interviewed for SinceMyDivorce, has also started her own blog! It’s still a work in progress, but it is called Leaf Turning Moments, and I have no doubt that it will be excellent – moving, inspirational, and focused on living the dream.

What I love about this – that some of my friends and family are starting their own forays into blogging, is that they’ve been inspired by me to start them…not their ONLY reason of course, to start their blogs, but it gives me a sense of accomplishment from my blog particularly as my readership continues to grow, and I continue to find great people to follow and share experiences with! My friend who’s doing Leaf Turning Moments said that what she loved about my blog was that it chronicles daily observations and learnings, and that’s what her goal is to do as well. It’s funny, because I feel like blogging is so much a part of my day and my mindset that I feel I always have SOMETHING to say. Something always pops into my head that turns into a blog, or an observation on something that may have normally passed me by, will become a learning that I then write about and capture via my blog. It’s amazing and I love every minute of it!

So, enjoy these blogs, if you’re interested. I’m personally very excited to see them progress!

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