I may be officially divorced now, but I still have work to do as my journey continues and sometimes I need to remind myself of that because while I may have regained my confidence, it’s not always rock-solid, I may have gained new insight and strength into who I am, but I still flounder sometimes with what I WANT out of my next relationship, and I truly feel the divorce journey is ever-lasting (not with a negative connotation, but it’s with you forever, and in a way, it partially defines who you are and where you go).
The top 10:
1. Give Yourself Time
Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself to ‘move on’. Give yourself permission to grief and process your feelings.
2. Be Kind To Yourself
Make time for you and treat yourself to that massage, grand final tickets -whatever it is that you have put off doing. Do things that make you feel good, and do them often!
3. Keep Your Support Team Close
Surround yourself with trusted friends and family who help you feel loved and supported. Support is also available from work colleagues, your doctor and community groups.
4. Document All The Good Things In Your Life
Write a list of all the great things you have in your life. Some people find it beneficial to put it somewhere you can see it regularly. You may prefer to put it somewhere safe. Whenever your emotions are playing havoc on your head read them to remind yourself of all the positive things you have in your life.
5. Remember you’re Great! (note: I think this is one of those ongoing life-long “tips” – I constantly have to remind myself that I’m worth it, I deserve the best, and not to settle for anything less. It’s hard to do, and it takes work, but it’s worth it)
Compile a list of all the things that are great about you. Whenever you feel low and need reminding that you’re ‘ok’ pull it out and read and re-read. 6. You Need To
6. You Need To Feel To Heal
Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and work through the different emotional phases of separation and divorce.
7. Keep A Journal
Express everything, without censorship and know that this will lead to greater clarity and healing.
Forgive yourself and your former partner! By releasing the need to blame anyone for the breakdown of your relationship you will feel stronger and gain a greater sense of inner peace.
9. Get Professional Help If You Need It
Know that sometimes you can’t always do it on your own! It’s a great sign of strength to be able to admit this and ask for help when you need it.
10. Remember That you’re Not Alone
You may find some comfort in knowing that 42% of marriages in Australia end in divorce and approximately 1.1 million children in Australia have separated parents.
I think anyone that is going through a separation or divorce ought to keep these in mind, and I know I can’t write off any of these myself. On the cusp of my 30th birthday, and a slew of recent milestones, I am feeling good about life, and my healing/moving on process, and I know there will be bumps along the way (ahem…boy #7!!), and new obstacles to overcome, but I know I can do it. I just may need to remind myself of my capabilities sometimes!