So, here we are. October 21, 2009…three years to the day since Pete and I said our vows on a sandy beach in Poipu, Kauai, overlooking the rocks, waves, and sea turtles. Who knew this is where we’d be, three years later? After feeling so battled wanting to know why – why me, why now, why does he not love me anymore “that way” – WHAT is the reason – I’m now at a point where I realize that sometimes, maybe you don’t need the reason. It becomes insignificant.

There are a few songs I am going to quote today, one about just that – the reason for moving on (and really, not having a reason for that person, but for themself) and the second about that “someday” where you get a second chance, to try again, to make it right (and in this case, that doesn’t mean WITH Pete, it means a second chance at love, at capturing what I’ve never had, who I’m destined to be with).

First (as actually posted by BSF last week!), from Hoobastank – “The Reason,” an excerpt:

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I’ve found out a reason for me…

I’ve had many a conversation with Pete, especially recently, about his decision to end the marriage, and I’m content with those discussions, and his observations. I won’t go into detail here, but I’ll leave it at this – I feel content with it, I feel really good about our relationship right now, and I honestly couldn’t have a happier “ending” to a marriage, as odd as that sounds.

Now, the second song is one of my favorites from Rob Thomas, called “Someday,” an excerpt:

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to
make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all
you want to do is cry

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make
things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live
our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow Someday

Now wait
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on
everything around you

Man it’s good to be so warm
Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

Starting over…coming back to square one, but this time, full circle. I didn’t run – but I felt like it, I tried to make it better, and eventually I got there…when I stopped trying to find the reason, released myself of it, and worked on me, just me. This day has felt like a long time coming (man, I’ve had a lot of those lately…huh?!) but I’ll say it again…I couldn’t feel more grounded, more in awe of God’s workings, and in awe of what I’m capable of, with an unbreakable support system that couldn’t be stronger. Thank you – to that support system…to believing in me, and pushing me forward.