I follow quite a few divorce blogs these days (as you can see from my ever-growing blogroll!) and recently found a gem in Student Mama. She is a (newly) single mom grappling with everything that comes with separation/divorce, and her post today just blew me away, for a couple of reasons. First, it was a smack of reality that although my divorce journey has had many low points, it’s just me, I don’t have any children, which makes divorce one step “easier.” I can’t imagine the complexity and added pain of going through this if I had children, so it made me realize that in a big way, I’m really lucky it IS just me. Second, her post today was incredibly insightful and so on-point, I just had to mention it.
She talks about grappling with being a single mom, learning her way, and accepting that she IS now out on her own and figuring out where she wants to go next. What struck me was what she wrote at the end of the post:
I feel, freedom in my future…even if I don’t see it. After all, hindsight is only 20/20 if we continue to look backwards. I learned my lessons – I reflected…I’m over it. It may have slipped through my fingers this time, but only because I thought I saw something real in in my tunnel vision – it was only an illusion. The acceptance is real.
Wow – I just love that point. Hindsight really IS only 20/20 if you continue to look backwards and not forwards, reflecting on that time and what you want to do differently. I also think the point of tunnel vision is right on – I look at my past marriage now and see the things I never would have seen or noticed before – that we had a friendship, not a marriage, we didn’t communicate properly, and it didn’t have that chemistry that it used to – it was “selective memory” in a sense. I don’t regret it, Pete is a great guy, we have a great friendship and are supportive of each other, but we weren’t meant to be married, and I never, ever thought I’d say that, but it’s true. And that’s what walking out of “tunnel vision” does – it gets you to see things you never saw, or wanted to see, for what it was. Thanks Student Mama for a great post today!
On another note – wish me luck tonight as I host my first big shindig at my new place with 10 of my friends (and my sisters) for a “girls night” Thanksgiving style! First time I’m ever attempting to cook a turkey…God help me 😉