I feel amazing. Absolutely amazing! Today is Thanksgiving and it’s been a wonderful day from start to finish.
It’s an extremely powerful juxtaposition to last year’s Thanksgiving holiday. I was so raw emotionally from finding out that the supposed love of my life wanted out of our marriage, I felt as though I was walking around feeling like a combination of zombie, dumb-struck, sad, and well, raw. Looking back at that day, compared to today, if I could have fast-forwarded to today, at this very moment, I’m not sure if the “me” then would have felt hopeful, or scared shitless over what was to come over the course of the remainder of 2008 and 2009 to-date. I say that only because there have been a fair share of downs with the ups, and the road was long, windy, and at times, extreme.
Today, however, was awesome. I woke up bright and early for my very first 5-miler race with a bit of trepidation and anxiety (what can I say? I get “stage fright” before a race…worst fear being the last runner to cross the finish line!) but the race went off without a hitch. It was a gorgeous route, with scenic parks, the ocean, and the sun peeping through the fog. As I listened to some of my most motivating tunes, I got into the “zone” and began thinking of the year behind me. As each mile went by, I got a bit more emotional, treating those miles as the phases of the last year, the sadness melting into ambivalence, into happiness, and confidence. I finished the race in just under an hour – a bit slow, but I tend to run slower in race (and, I am a slow runner admittedly, but as a new runner, just starting in February, I think it was pretty respectable!), but was elated to birst across the finish line, feeling accomplished.
I headed up to Maine to see my grandparents and my mother and one of my sisters and my brother-in-law, and again, the juxtaposition with last year was evident. I felt great. Happy. NORMAL. Content. My grandparents were great, you could almost see that same feeling in their eyes (as well as my mom’s) and I felt proud. Of myself, and my life. At this very moment. MY life. I did this. I made it, and I’m so thankful. I couldn’t quite ask for much more right now. Thank you…to life.