Now that I’ve had a bit more time to digest last night’s conversation with Pete, a few things come to mind. First, I am feeling a bit of deja vu, as I look at a post I wrote in June on second thoughts. I had a conversation with Pete, where he noted that he thinks he’s better off alone, and that he’ll never forget me, or what we had.
Deja vu, much?
A lot of last night’s conversation centered around those two areas, and obviously, his realization that he made a mistake.
But as I got to thinking more about it after he left, and through thinking about it today, I’m not convinced it’s me he wants (as I’ve also discussed in the outpouring of awesome, super supportive comments I got from last night’s post – thank you!!). I think he is veering towards what he knows, and what he’s comfortable with, more so than wanting “us” back. It’s an easy trap to fall into, really, when you don’t know what you want, you don’t see where you will find what you want, but you know what you HAD was good.
Sure, what we had was good, but it had hidden flaws that neither of us saw during our relationship. And when I think about going back to that, it actually scares me, not because there’s anything wrong with Pete (becuase there isn’t – he is a good guy, inherently), but because I don’t want to go back to the me I was then. I like the me now.
And I like the me I am becoming.
And I LOVE my life. There, I said it. I love where I am, mentally and physically. I love my place, I love my friends, I love my family, and I just really dig my “state” overall. Even looking at that blog from June, I can remember exactly where I was sitting in my house, and feeling a bit sad, but trying to stay hopeful. Fast forward to today – life’s not so bad, now is it, in the grand scheme of things! 😉