More and more. I am finding that I am my own worst enemy, and way more than I thought I ever was! With every challenge I encounter, my fears, self-doubts and anxiety tend to take over sometimes, and impact my performance. Whether that performance be how I handle a challenge, or confronting an issue I’ve been trying to deflect, or, literally, performing.
Enter Group Kick.
I know I tend to talk about this a lot lately, but it’s literally on my mind 24/7. If I’m not working, I’m Kick-ing, if I’m not Kick-ing, I’m thinking about cuing, or certain moves or tracks, and hoping that I can perform when it really matters.
Tomorrow is one of those moments that I need to truly shake off the enemy sitting on my shoulder, casting doubt on my abilities to perform, to put on a good show, and to KICK SOME with attitude. I KNOW I have it in me, I show it when I’m not “on stage” but why, oh why, can’t I do it when it counts most?
Because I’m my own worst enemy.
I need to crack the enemy code and have faith in myself. I have faith in myself in every other way in my life right now, but why, when it comes to truly performing do I crack?
I know why.
I have a deep-seeded shyness from my childhood that I’ve overcome for the most part, but still hits me at the worst possible moments sometimes. It’s amazing how habitual shyness can be, and how it can overshadow EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO, unless you kick it away and put on the face of confidence. My job requires confidence, and it requires some sense of performance and presentation and from time to time, it still gets me. I get stage fright. It’s silly, really…I’ve been doing my job for about eight years, I know my shit! I do!
Same with Kick. I know the moves cold, I am 75% there on the cuing, and can fine-tune that in the two weeks we have until launch, so why do I freeze??
Back to tomorrow and why it’s important. Tomorrow is a crucial practice and I need to shake it off and bring it. We’re running through the entire release, being filmed and critiqued by our fitness director. We have one week until a closed preview class and two weeks until launch – we have to do well tomorrow. I have to do well tomorrow, like WHOA! I’m going to dig deep and do my best, because I know I have it in me.
I just need my enemy to disappear. Can someone tie him up and toss him in a closet for me? That’d be great – thanks 😉
January 23, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I am incredibly shy too, painfully so at times. It’s held me back a lot of times throughout my life. I totally understand how you feel. I too am most certainly my own worst enemy in sooo many ways. It really sucks when it’s you doing it to yourself! I have no advice, but know that you’re not alone at least. For whatever that’s worth LOL
January 23, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Thanks Heather, it helps to know others have this enemy too sometimes 😉
January 24, 2010 at 1:02 am
I’ve always been told – “you are so hard on yourself.” It’s definitely difficult to keep a positive perspective on performance when we’re going through trying times. I think you are doing absolutely awesome in the face of uncertainty! keep on girl! you are AWESOME!
January 24, 2010 at 9:36 am
Thank you StudentMama – you’re right, that totally falls into the “enemy” category – being too hard on yourself. I am totally guilty of that, probably on a daily basis. I need to keep the perspective on things that I always “preach” – thanks for your words of confidence! 🙂
January 24, 2010 at 5:15 am
I just tested for my next belt (rank) in taekwondo on Friday night. The chief instructor at our school has a philosophy about testing that really makes sense.
He says that the purpose of the test is not to see if we know what we’re doing. They already decided that we know what we’re doing when they told us we could test for the next belt. RATHER, the purpose of the test is to SHOW OFF what we DO KNOW.
And with our tests, as with your “practice” Sunday; the idea is not to catch us in mistakes, but to find areas where we can continue to improve as we continue to advance. The people who will be analyzing your practice WANT YOU TO SUCCEED. They are on your side. They want to help you to continue to do better.
That approach has helped me stay calm in test situations. I went in Friday without having done any of the practice run-throughs I’d planned to do earlier in the day. But I didn’t let that phase me. I wasn’t there to let them see my faults. I was there to show off. And wherever I made mistakes, I’m sure they’ll gently point me in a better direction.
The key word for your practice tomorrow is… Practice! Practice having fun and showing off what you know.
Do that, and I’m sure you’ll kick some righteous booty.
January 24, 2010 at 9:38 am
INRIS – WOW, seriously, I needed that. That is EXACTLY how I need to be looking at it, instead of “omigod, she’s going to yell at me, and tell me to do this and that, and that I’m doing this wrong, and that wrong.” I’m going to channel this way of thinking today and hopefully I do kick some righteous booty 😉
PS – so did you make the next belt?!
January 24, 2010 at 10:25 am
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January 24, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Even for those of us who aren’t shy, there are some things that remain difficult to do – always. For some it may be public speaking, for others it may be traveling alone, or even something some take for granted – saying those three little words.
We all have obstacles that remain from childhood, or develop later on. We need to keep chipping away, I suppose. Fall down, get back up. Remember that generally, the worst that can happen is a very human performance, if not your best. And you’re in good company on that one – with millions of the rest of us. Who in some way, are our own worst enemies.
January 24, 2010 at 3:27 pm
You’re right BLW – there is always a sticking point for everyone on life, whether it is shyness or something else. I don’t consider myself a shy person anymore, but the shyness comes out at the most inopportune times, but I guess that’s life for ya, isn’t it?! – And, I love what you say: the worst that can happen is a very human performance, if not your best” – good point, what am I so afraid of?!
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