More and more. I am finding that I am my own worst enemy, and way more than I thought I ever was! With every challenge I encounter, my fears, self-doubts and anxiety tend to take over sometimes, and impact my performance. Whether that performance be how I handle a challenge, or confronting an issue I’ve been trying to deflect, or, literally, performing.

Enter Group Kick.

I know I tend to talk about this a lot lately, but it’s literally on my mind 24/7. If I’m not working, I’m Kick-ing, if I’m not Kick-ing, I’m thinking about cuing, or certain moves or tracks, and hoping that I can perform when it really matters.

Tomorrow is one of those moments that I need to truly shake off the enemy sitting on my shoulder, casting doubt on my abilities to perform, to put on a good show, and to KICK SOME with attitude. I KNOW I have it in me, I show it when I’m not “on stage” but why, oh why, can’t I do it when it counts most?

Because I’m my own worst enemy.

I need to crack the enemy code and have faith in myself. I have faith in myself in every other way in my life right now, but why, when it comes to truly performing do I crack?

I know why.

I have a deep-seeded shyness from my childhood that I’ve overcome for the most part, but still hits me at the worst possible moments sometimes. It’s amazing how habitual shyness can be, and how it can overshadow EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO, unless you kick it away and put on the face of confidence. My job requires confidence, and it requires some sense of performance and presentation and from time to time, it still gets me. I get stage fright. It’s silly, really…I’ve been doing my job for about eight years, I know my shit! I do!

Same with Kick. I know the moves cold, I am 75% there on the cuing, and can fine-tune that in the two weeks we have until launch, so why do I freeze??

Back to tomorrow and why it’s important. Tomorrow is a crucial practice and I need to shake it off and bring it. We’re running through the entire release, being filmed and critiqued by our fitness director. We have one week until a closed preview class and two weeks until launch – we have to do well tomorrow. I have to do well tomorrow, like WHOA! I’m going to dig deep and do my best, because I know I have it in me.

I just need my enemy to disappear. Can someone tie him up and toss him in a closet for me? That’d be great – thanks πŸ˜‰

Advertisements