So, date #3 with CBE is looming (this Saturday) and we’ve been chatting (couple phone call, some texts, couple emails here and there) and continuing to get to know each other. And it feels like there could be some potential there, but at at the same time, it’s still much too early to really “know” what’s there, if that makes any sense.
And the overthinking starts to kick in…am I doing this for the right reasons (going after a 41 year old man; does that make sense? does it matter?), do I want to potentially get into a relationship of some kind in the near future, does CBE want the same things as me, or is he just *saying* the right things?
And then I think that I’m either playing it “too” safe by questioning everything, overthinking every last detail, or am I just simply going into it with eyes wide open.
I think it’s probably a combination of overthinking and being heathily cautious, but I won’t lie, I’m sort of driving myself crazy.
I don’t want to rush into anything.
I don’t want to get ahead of myself.
I don’t want to jump to conclusions.
I don’t want to overthink.
And I’m not doing those things…at least I don’t think I am. But I just begin to question everything that I am doing, everything that I want (or think I want, in a relationship) and wondering if this is right. I think I want it to be right. I think I’m not sure yet if it IS right. And I think that’s the part that frustrates me – being unsure, but hopeful, not knowing what the future holds.
I think that’s normal, but there I go, overthinking again! Is it normal?! Or because I am overthinking and questioning…does that mean I shouldn’t leap slowly?!
See what I mean? I drive myself crazy, just a little.
And then I read a beautiful post by T today that was all about allowing…”not forcing and allowing it to be.” And that struck a chord with me as I need to allow myself to 1) feel what I feel, and trust my judgement and feelings, 2) allow myself to play this out, and see what happens and 3) stop taking it *so* damn seriously….yet. It’s only a third date, what’s the worst that can happen, honestly?!
I need to revert back to having fun with this, and not stressing so damn much about where these dates could lead – a relationship or not – a dead-end. And just let it happen. So, that’s what I’m going to do, and I’m going to have fun doing it too.
So, what do you think? Am I on the right path? Does anyone think I’m crazy – either way?! Maybe that’s a loaded question…
On another note, I received a wonderful comment from “Katherine from Georgia” who came across my blog last night and read almost the entire thing in one sitting. I am touched, I am speechless, and THIS is exactly why I love blogging. Here’s her comment:
So basically it’s 5am in Georgia, and i just read February – August 2009 of your blog. (Thankfully, i do not have work tomorrow.) I found it by randomly searching a quote “the reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” to see who the quote was by, and now i’m addicted! I can’t wait to read September to now to see what you’ve been up to! (tomorrow:). I feel as if i’m reading a book i can’t put down! love, love, love your blog! Best wishes to you! -Katherine from GA