When frustrated.

As often as I gab on about having perspective about life, happiness, and this journey post-divorce, sometimes I’m just as surprised at how easy it is to LOSE perspective when frustrated, angry or sad.

Today was one of those moments.

I’ve been waiting with baited breathe for my tax accountant to crunch the numbers for our taxes, hoping (but trying not to get my expectations too high!) to get a return, so I can perhaps go on a quickie tropical vacation. With the short sale, divorce, and only a partial year paying interest (and payments, for that matter) on the house, I knew it’d be trickier than normal (since I usually do it myself with TurboTax).

Well, the initial results are in.

…and we owe.

*at least* $1,200!

Insert sigh here and a slew of expletives when Pete called to share the news.

I was so angry, since it just feels the house and short sale is still not yet behind me (or us), because it keeps biting me in the ass when I think I’m finally in the clear (and that makes me frustrated to be stupid enough to think that maybe it wasn’t yet behind me!), and it’s the one last piece of the “life that was” that I just want to finally leave behind.

(and for the record, I may have also sugggested, half in jest, that Pete pay the taxes since he decided to divorce me. That was met with dead silence and the verge of “huh, wha?!” on his part, till he realized I was 99% joking, though I would love to *make* him pay for it just because!)

So, I felt deflated, annoyed, and mad that I wasn’t getting a return that I shouldn’t have even considered a possibility in the first place.

Why was I annoyed? Because I wasn’t getting money back?

I should be grateful that I have my half of the money to pay for it.

And I am.

But I wasn’t seeing that during that moment of frustration (which I ‘spose is a normal reaction, really).

And in speaking with a couple of friends and my mom – I should actually realize I’m lucky we didn’t owe more. And for that much of a loss on the house, and for only a partial year paying interest on the house, paying a shortfall of 600 bucks or so really isn’t so bad.

It just means that instead of a tropical vacation in Mexico, or the Bahamas or Bermuda, I’ll pare that back to take a quick jaunt to visit my BDF in sunny (and MUCH warmer) Florida. Not so shabby, right?!

So, in the grand scheme of things, perspective re-gained, and gratitude realized.