One of the things that I constantly am reminding myself of…re-learning all of the things you end up taking for granted in long-term relationships and/or marriage.

Things like…trust, love, figuring each other out.

Tackling trust today (will likely expand on the others as well in follow-on posts) – it’s one of those elusive feelings that you naturally build up when you get involved with someone, but when does that happen? How long does it take? How do you “learn” (or re-learn) to trust that person?

And before you begin wondering why I’m asking – no, it’s not because I don’t trust CBE, it’s that I feel as though generally, going through the dating thing over the last 7-8 months or so, I’ve trusted too easily, and taken words at face value when oftentimes those words were not true, or were half-trusts, or in some cases, complete BS (hello, BS detector, where are you?!), and maybe that’s made me a little jaded, a little dis-trusting, and generally, more of an overthinker than I was in the past.

But back to trust.

How do you build it up? How do you know words spoken are genuine, legitimate and well, honest?

I guess it’s just something you learn, and there really isn’t one answer for it, it’s not cut and dry and all I know is, it takes time. And yeah, that’s okay, but I just want to not have self-doubt, not over-analyze everything and just feel completely at ease…and while I do think CBE is genuine and honest, I guess I just get a little bit afraid of the “what-if” factor – what if he is “just saying” all of these wonderful things, and “what if” his actions towards me, his affection, his words, aren’t true, and “what-if” it doesn’t continue?

See where and how badly my brain rambles on?! Hello, overthinkers anonymous, save me!

It frustrates me, because I am happy with where things are going with CBE, and maybe that’s where the self-doubt starts to creep in…because I am starting to have feelings “beyond chemistry” with him, and I can see this going forward into something more concrete.

And maybe that’s completely normal.

But, sometimes I wish I could fast-forward a wee bit and see what’s around the corner. I think I know, and I hope I know, and I don’t really want to fast-forward life, or where things are going, it’s just that little piece of me that just wants to see what happens around the bend.

Is that wrong? No, I don’t think so.

Am I overthinking? Probably.

Will I learn to trust – with CBE or whomever I’m meant to be with next? Yes – but when that will be – to be determined (I knew I called my blog To Be Determined for a reason!!).

Hmmph. Thinkingthinkingthinking.


Hopefully this post doesn’t come across as doubtful or down or upset…because I’m truly not, I’m just inquiring and inquisitive tonight. Maybe a little pensive.

And now you know why I always say “we’ll see what happens” – because I think I’m a little bit afraid of getting hurt…even though I shouldn’t, because if I do, it was still worthwhile to take a chance, and I know I’m resilient enough to get through it. I just prefer *not* to get hurt…don’t we all?!

I guess it IS the risk we take, and we hope for the best. And that’s what I’m hoping for – to relish what it is, and where it’s going and hope for the best, strive for the best, and see what happens.