I know, I know, two full days without blogging – pigs must be flying right about now ๐ Here’s my reason – CBE stayed at my place through this morning vs. last night, so I figured rather than half-blog about it while he was over, I’d let it “ruminate” and do one big ole blog post today.
So, here goes – overall, it was a very fabulous weekend, but there were a few things that made me go “hmm” and got me thinking, so I’m breaking this post up into a few sections. First, my favorite moments from the weekend:
- Falling asleep on the couch on Saturday, laying flat against his chest, and waking up a half hour later, with his arms around me, and one of my cats perched on my back (with his dogs on the floor – she wasn’t even scared, that was huge!). It was a moment.
- Meeting for drinks with my sister and bro-in-law after dinner in Boston on Friday night. The conversation flowed, it wasn’t awkward, and it was fun, and nice to have him meet them. Meant a lot, and I’ve asked my sister to share her “review” of him for a later post, stay tuned!
- Trader Joe’s and such on Saturday. It was a lazy start to the morning, but with a yummy start of eggs, toastย with almond butter and strawberries (and coffee, of course), and we went to Trader Joe’s and got some good finds for dinner, and did a few other errands together, including picking up one of my fave bottles of wine and sampling a few at the wine tasting they were doing at the liquor store (hey, why not, right?!)
- Dinner at Davios. It was fun to get a little bit dressed up, head into the city and have a delicious dinner for Restaurant Week. Nice and leisurely, three courses, delicious haddock, good company, and a fun evening overall.
- Watching CBE wash my trash can. Yep, he washed it. It was dirty, but it’s a trash can so I’ve never done much about it. He took it out, washed it inside and out, and well, it was just a little gesture that was sweet for some reason. Oh, and he cleaned off my patio of leaves and moved my mattress that I’ve been delaying dragging to the dumpster since oh, September, when I moved.
- Just being. Spending such a chunk of time together was just nice to do, you really get to know someone a lot more when you have so much time to do stuff, talk, etc.
So, those were the highlights of the weekend – we were active, took the dogs for walks, hung out, watched some movies, and made two delicious dinners (Saturday and Sunday) together. We had some wine, we laughed, we talked, we enjoyed the time together.
However, as we were talking on Sunday afternoon, the conversation turned towards some things he’s been learning from “The Secret” – things he’s been working on in himself for a few years. Being positive, staying positive, surrounding with positive people. Sounds all good, right? And it is, it really is refreshing to see and hear that from him since I strive for that too, and have been looking for someone that shares that same viewpoint.
But then, as we were talking about the walk we’d taken with the dogs (it was really windy and pretty chilly by the water), he said he enjoyed it, but didn’t think I did, and that I wanted to rush home, and he felt a little bit uncomfortable.
This was a surprise to me, because I didn’t think I was rushing, and was a little puzzled.
He said he got the sense I wasn’t enjoying it, since I kept saying I was cold, and it was windy etc. And yeah, I did say those things, but at the same time, it was a gorgeous day, blue skies, sparkling waters, and that I was enjoying. He felt that to him, that was complaining, but to me, that’s not so much complaining but just stating that it’s cold and windy. I felt he was misinterpreting me a little bit and jumping to conclusions that I’m not as positive, and complain a bit.
Sure, I complain, sometimes, everyone does. To me, it’s not as black and white as either you are positive or you are negative…yes, there are people that are negative and that can be a poison, but I think there is a middle ground, where you let out the frustration and then pull yourself out of it – that’s the difference between being negative and being a generally happy person.
I fall into the second category and think you have to allow yourself to feel the annoyance or frustration, so long as you are able to get past it.
But for him, he tries to surround himself with positive people, those that have good outlooks on life (which, he agreed, I do), and that by doing that, he tends to be alone a lot, because he doesn’t associate with people that are overly negative. I got a little bit frustrated because I thought he was trying to say I wasn’t positive, and he wasn’t, truly, he was more pointing out that instead of automatically saying “it’s cold out,” why not say, “it’s a beautiful sunny day.”
And he’s right, in a way. But for me, that’s still a shift in mindset – that I thought I’d gotten to, but that I really haven’t fully gotten to yet. And on the flip side, I think he can open his mind a little bit to see that it isn’t black and white, and you can be happy, but still complain from time to time. As long as you pull yourself out of it. It’s still a work in progress for me…but that’s what life is about, learning, and doing, and progressing.
Which brings me to the subject of this blog post – do something that scares you every day – it was inscribed on a Lululemon bag sitting in my kitchen that CBE read aloud, and he said “I love that.”
As do I.
And it occurred to me that I don’t fully do something that scares me every day, even though I do try to – in many ways – at work, by doing Kick, by dating a man that stretches me out of my comfort zone. But at the same time, it’s so easy for me to fall back into what’s comfortable – routine, sitting back and not challenging myself to think better, more positive, always optimistic, sticking to the status quo.
So, that’s what CBE got me thinking about…and I’m going to blog more on this topic this week as well.
And, while it was a wonderful weekend, a part of me came out of this weekend realizing that while on one hand, I really like CBE…a lot…the other part of me still enjoys my independence and growth I’ve made being on my own. And that doesn’t mean that I feel differently in a bad way towards CBE, it just means that I am feeling myself pull back ever so slilghtly, because I feel I have a lot of learning, growing and challenging to do on my own before I’m fully ready to launch into a full-on relationship.
March 29, 2010 at 9:01 am
Really great post. Very interesting on the perspectives during your walk. It’s like you really were enjoying it, but forgetting to say that part as well. I tend to do that all the time. Like saying only half of what I’m thinking. But why am I only saying the half that sounds slightly negative. Hmmm. Sounds like you had a great (busy) weekend though!
March 29, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Yea, it was interesting. I see his perspective on things, but I also think there is something to be said for my perspective too – feeling the negative and then letting it go from there. No bottling up, which I think can happen if you just “act positive” all the time.
March 29, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Oh I totally agree with “acting” positive all the time! Acting doesn’t always make it so.
March 29, 2010 at 10:10 am
By saying “It’s cold” or “it’s windy” doesn’t mean you are negative or not-positive. If it’s sunny, I say “It’s sunny” By saying “It’s raining” when it’s raining isn’t negative. Interesting that he interpreted it that way. I think I might have been taken a little a back by it too. Sounds like you had a great weekend despite your slight emotional pull-back. Just be who you are Jo (a great person with tons to offer the right man) and don’t change to fit someone else’s idea of how you should be…trust me, doesn’t work out well in the long run. BTW, can’t wait to see you!
March 29, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Thanks Ames – I know, that’s what made me surprised too – that he felt saying it was windy or cold was negative or complaining… I don’t see anything wrong with sharing your feelings on something so long as it doesn’t get you down in the long run, or doesn’t keep you in a negative mindset. Releasing it and moving on is way better than holding it in. I think he could stand to see it from my perspective too, rather than be as rigid with his own perspective on it, only. So, we’ll see what happens…slight pullback may be a good thing – clarify things, see where we go from here.
March 29, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Sounds like you had a blast. I love Trader Joes. And it sounds like you are being very introspective. (Danger of our analytical minds.)
Can’t wait for the next post.
March 29, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Glad you had such a great time. Sounds like an awesome weekend.
March 29, 2010 at 6:30 pm
thanks Nicki and CGB – we did have a good time. I’m still feeling somewhat ambivalent, or thoughtful, or analytical or maybe overthinking about things at the moment…more to come on that in a future post!
March 29, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Very interesting post Jolene. I need to ruminate on the “do something that scares me every day” hmmm. Need to figure out what does scare me every day – Ah! I know – getting out of my routine. I will try. ๐
P.S. Thanks for reading my story on Mandy’s blog.
March 29, 2010 at 7:33 pm
No prob – looking forward to reading more of your story!! And yeah, this post feels a tad heavy, though happy (for the most part) at the same time. Getting out of routine is very hard, and downright scary at times ๐
March 29, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Whatever you do, do not let anyone change your mindset or attempt to change who you are. If you are cold, say it’s cold. That isn’t being negative, that is being honest. The fact that he would find any amount of fault in that seems asinine to me.
March 30, 2010 at 8:12 am
Thanks DG – appreciate your feedback, as always, and you are right – never changing myself for someone else, I vow that will never happen! I think the example of it being cold was a bad example, anyway, on being negative, to be honest, which is probably part of it.
March 29, 2010 at 8:46 pm
I read this post twice. I have mixed feelings on this. I have never read The Secret but have some knowledge on it. While I see where he is coming from in perhaps what he is looking for in life, I dont think it is fair to put the pressure on you like that. Seems a little extreme that you can’t state your full emotions. Cold is cold even if the skies are blue. No harm. It seems like you are stretching out of your comfort zone everyday for how much you have done a wonderful job growing as a person and working on yourself. Perhaps he should take notice of that and maybe he could bend a bit to meet you in the middle so you don’t have to be so uncomfortable.
On the other hand the dude cleaned out your trash can and sweetness- that would make me sing:)
I’m now off my soap box. Sounds like you still had a wonderful weekend though!
March 30, 2010 at 8:13 am
Thank you Shannon! I agree on the bending/meeting in the middle – that was my feedback to him last night in an email, because I told him I had more thoughts on the subject to share. It’s not cut and dry and there is a middle ground. But yea, washing the trashcan was nice…oh and he cleared the drain in my tub, since it was not draining properly. Hey, it’s the little things!
March 29, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Hi Jolene – this could be because it’s been a long day and I’m tired but CBE’s reaction to your weather comments just sounds like he’s over-reacting and reading too much into that damn book! My ex was/is a negative person and I don’t get any of the same vibes from you.
I agree with the Divorced Guy – don’t change to suit him. Be yourself and enjoy the journey.
If by scare you mean push yourself out of your comfort zone, I find there are some days when there’s more than just one thing that does that to me and some days when it’s nice to sink back into comfortable. My post for tomorrow was scary for me to write so I’ll be slacking tomorrow ๐
March 30, 2010 at 8:14 am
Yea – I think there may be a little bit of over-reading into the book…good premise, I plan to read it, but not LIVE by it, either! I also love what you have to say about the journey (just heard that message by Joel Osteen last night actually – it’s the journey, not the destination, don’t rush it!), and also agree with you on the comfort zone thing – sometimes it feels good to sink back, other times, face the challenge ahead. Thanks for your comments, reading your post this AM too ๐
March 29, 2010 at 10:56 pm
This doesn’t have to do with your most recent post but I just wanted to thank you for your encouragement and inspiration. I am going through a divorce myself at the age of 28 and it’s hard. I just started reading your blog yesterday. After reading about you and Pete and how you were able to keep a friendship I realized that it was possible for my ex and I to do the same. We said we wanted to be friends but I called him yesterday just to make sure. We had a great conversation and now I feel like even though I am losing my husband I am gaining a friend. So thank you so much for helping me have the courage to talk to him and see that I will be ok.
March 30, 2010 at 8:17 am
Wow, thank you so much for your feedback and for reading!! I am so glad you found hope in the fact that Pete and I are friends. We still are, it works really well for us, and I am grateful every day for that. I am glad you have the courage to do the same…and please keep me posted! ๐
March 30, 2010 at 4:56 am
Fear is one of those things that’s often held me back in life. I’ve tried to adopt the mantra – “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. It’s tough, but has yielded some great results.
Sounds like you had a GREAT weekend! ๐
March 30, 2010 at 8:15 am
Thank you Sunshine – it was a very great weekend, except that bit of a blip/weirdness. I don’t want to be held back and I love that mantra too!!
March 30, 2010 at 10:30 am
[…] it just that conversation we had that is bothering me? Maybe. that’s what I think it is, but I’m just not sure […]
March 30, 2010 at 9:31 pm
You know, some people are happy when they’re complaining! A good complaint, cleverly or insightfully expressed, can be like a good wine. (A good whine!)
March 31, 2010 at 7:51 am
Ha – you know what, you have a good point. (mm wine! ๐ )
March 31, 2010 at 8:55 am
Ok. WOW this sounds familiar.
That is the one bad thing about The Secret. People begin to feel convinced that they are not allowed to feel anything BUT good thoughts! And they get upset with others who think any differently!
What people don’t understand is that they are denying anything but positive thoughts. In that denial, they are likely burying things that actually manifest anyway. The best way to be happy is to allow yourself the irritation and move past it. Burying it means that it is still in your subconscious… the very place where manifestation happens!
You sound like a happy person. You look at your pain and discomfort, allow it, process it and let it go.
Rascal tends to do what CBE did too. Its like he doesn’t want anyone to harsh his good vibe. The funny thing is, the very irritation that he feels is a negative thought. Acceptance and offering love and understanding is the better place to be consciously and subconsciously.
March 31, 2010 at 9:05 am
Wow, T, this is exactly what I needed to hear – I think this is exactly what is happening here too. I think there is a need for him to break away from being so rigid in that denial of thoughts, and if he can, then i think there is still goodness to come with him, and if not, perhaps not.
March 31, 2010 at 3:59 pm
[…] of something promising), to two very insightful comments from T that really helped me (here and here), and finally, to another great question to ask myself, from […]
November 3, 2010 at 6:16 pm
[…] first dates, to pondering wtf was going on with CBE and his weirdness (see some posts on that here, here, here, here and here!). I look back through a lot of my dating forays and I think I have an […]