First of all, thank you everyone for all of your feedback over the past two days on my ambivalent feelings towards CBE and/or getting into a relationship (since I clearly can’t decide what the ambivalence is about!), I truly appreciate it, and all of it has been helpful in one way or another.
I must say, though, that the feedback was, well, all over the map! From Diary of a Divorced Guy suggesting that perhaps my gut is telling me to walk away, from several others viewing this as simply overthinking and that I should just enjoy it for what it is/was (a blissful weekend, beginnings of something promising), to two very insightful comments from T that really helped me (here and here), and finally, to another great question to ask myself, from Shannon.
While I’ve addressed each of these comments, I do want to expand a little bit more on Shannon’s quesetion, in particular, first:
Think if it this way for awhile…what if you weren’t seeing him this weekend? Would you think about him all weekend or would you feel free to be more yourself?
The answer to that? I’m really not sure. But, I am more leaning towards not seeing him this weekend for that very reason – to see if this ambivalence feels like it’s him, or the premise of a potential relationship (and, as an update, he threw out his back this afternoon and told me he may not be up for company on Friday, now, anyway, so it may be a moot point).
To some of T’s comments:
Breathe. Observe how you feel when you’re with him. Try not to react but observe. You might even consider keeping a feelings journal outside of the blog to track those things.
This is what I need to do – I react, I don’t observe. Or, I observe after the fact and overthink.
Like crazy.
It’s clouding my thoughts and judgements, for sure. Snark had a similar comment that I found helpful, and right in line with what I am thinking – if he isn’t wiling to bend or meet in the middle on my own perspective on happiness and expressing feelings, then that’s probably a bad sign or over-rigidity. I tend to agree fully there.
So, back to the all over the map-ness (yes, that’s a word, in my book!) – I’m still feeling that way, and I’m really not sure what my next step is beyond definitely seeing him again to see where things stand, see how I feel, discuss the whole happiness/feelings thing, and see if we can come to some kind of consensus.
And, who knows, maybe that whole convo was overthought and overworked and things will get back to some sense of normalcy. We’ll see.
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On a super-exciting side-note – I took the plunge and am going to Bloggers in Sin City in May!! I am SO excited to be going, and I just know it will be a blast – with Shannon, Melissa, and a few others (Akirah, Imerika, and PERHAPS even Lil Devil Mama!!) Mini reunion – here we come!! Anyone else debating on going?! Should be a fantastic time, EPIC, even 😉
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Another final note – please check out Sunshine‘s post on natural beauty – it came out awesome – a collage of woman in their “natural” beauty” – see me and my sis in there? 🙂
March 31, 2010 at 4:33 pm
I love that you’re taking time to yourself to figure out what the feeling truly is about. I know for me when challenged in past relationships I tend to ball up and/or run from the challenge rather than address it head-on.
p.s. I will be booking my flight for that Saturday for Bloggers in Sin City!!! Woot!
March 31, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Thanks Deanna – I am trying to, though it is hard to take a step back when part of me doesn’t want to, and then part of me does. I’m an overthinking mess 😉 AND I am SO SO excited you are coming!!!! This is going to be so fun 🙂
March 31, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Good insight Jo. The good news in all of this? You don’t have a “deadline” to decide what to do/not to do about CBE. You can take the time you need to breathe and observe which is exactly what you should be doing – you DO react, that’s just how you are. Not a bad thing at all. But sitting back and observing may be exactly what the doctor ordered. 🙂
April 1, 2010 at 8:31 am
thanks sis – you’re right, there isn’t a deadline, per se, though I shouldn’t drag my feet on it either…
March 31, 2010 at 8:23 pm
I think taking some time and being alone with yourself and your thoughts is a good idea. Finding out the WHY you are conflicted, ambivalent, or whatever is what you need to put your finger on. Maybe your intuition is telling you something that you’re not hearing because you like the guy and everything seems like you *should* keep liking the guy but there’s something that is just…off.
April 1, 2010 at 8:31 am
Mindy, you’re right…I think that is definitely part of it. It’s frustrating, and I know I need to figure out in my head what’s going on, but also see him again, talk about things, and observe my feelings, and go from there.
April 1, 2010 at 6:52 am
I will be interested to see how things end up this weekend. Could be very interesting. And YAY for Bloggers in Sin City!!!!!!!
April 1, 2010 at 8:32 am
Yay for Bloggers in Sin City!! woo! 🙂 And, I am curious too…since I am 99% sure I am not seeing him anyway, this will give me time to think!
April 1, 2010 at 12:30 pm
So thrilled for you about Sin City. Wish I was going. Unfortunately…I’m not. Live it up for me…
And your sister is right. You aren’t on a deadline. Give it time. (I should have that tattooed on my body…) Take the weekend to yourself and see how you feel. Soak it all in.
We’ll talk soon!
April 1, 2010 at 12:39 pm
thanks my friend! Yes, I am going to soak in the weekend (literally too – it’s going to be gorgeous here FINALLY!!!) 🙂
April 2, 2010 at 3:31 am
I go away for a few days to earn some money and sleep off my raging headaches, and this is what I come back to?
Funny how life keeps unfolding. Well, funny when it happens to someone else, that is.
That reminds me of a funny (there’s that word again) little observation that hasn’t even crossed my mind in years. But this post reminds me of it.
As some of you know, I once shared my Boston-area apartment with a fellow who grew up in the South. He he started wooing my then-girlfriend and I didn’t notice it until waaay too late.
One day, while all this was going on, I happened to Google Penny’s name (her maiden name is very unusual; she’s one of a kind in that respect) and found that she was being quoted in my Southern friend’s signature lines in the online forums he frequently visited. This was just one of those clues that I’d somehow managed to miss.
He had quoted her as saying words to this effect (I am deliberately re-wording it, so as to protect some anonymity):
Life is like a map. Once it unfolds, it’s really difficult to get it folded back up.
Hugs to you while you ponder that which you ponder, and experience that which you experience.
April 2, 2010 at 7:46 am
Thank you INRIS, that’s a great story and the quote is a very good one, and a great way to describe life, and my life, right now, as we speak! Thanks for dropping in, my uber busy friend!
April 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm
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