April 30, 2010
Happy quote Friday everyone!!
As I re-read my posts (and guest post from Shannon, and my own, on her blog – read me!!) from the week, I clearly have dating on the brain like WHOA. And, notsomuch “dating” in terms of the act of dating a whole bunch of guys at once, but dating to find a man that might be a good fit for something longer term (just to be clear, since we know I am not a “date just to date” kind of person), and I came across this quote, which I think fits some of what I have been thinking about:
Caution is what causes you to look both ways before crossing the street. Fear is what keeps you frozen on the curb forever.
Dating, as I noted at the end of Shannon’s guest post (and in my own guest post on hers) is not easy. Not by a long stretch. And it takes some guts, confidence, the ability to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and a little bit of gusto.
But being too cautious in taking the dating “plunge” or being afraid to put yourself out there, well, to me, that is a shame, because if you are single, and you do want to find love, then you sort of do need to come to a point where you dive in. And sure, I think that there is also something to be said for “it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen” (finding the right “one” – or them finding you – even better!), but getting yourself out there and learning and experiencing does a heck of a lot for you too. At least it has for me.
So, that’s my little pep talk for anyone who may be reading – IRL or my blog friends – that are single and haven’t yet tried to get out there – either online dating or whatever it may be that gets you out there. So, that’s sort of where my head is at right now, and why I’m still embracing the dating challenge even though some may think there’s more value in me letting it lie and seeing what happens “organically.” Right now, I’m not quite ready to let go of the little bit of control of that I feel I do just by dating, and I’m still hopeful that I could find someone that way.
So, throw caution to the wind, look both ways and step off the sidewalk and dive right in…it’s not so bad 😉
Happy weekend everyone!! I have a fantastic weekend lined up – complete with a potentially “epic” bar crawl with some of my favorites (including BSF and BDFF!) in Boston and some amazing weather. Cheers!
Okay, and a little tibdit? I have a date with chemistry.com boy #2 – stay tuned for details on that tomorrow, mmk? And wish me luck 🙂
April 29, 2010
Hello Jolene’s blog! I’m Shannon and some of you may have read my blog . For those of you who don’t stalk me on a regular basis- shame on you. Really, it’s ok though. I’m here to share a few things with you today that may be a little more than what you wanted to know. To get my full story on why I’m newly single and dating check out my full blog, According to Me.
I’m one of those people getting over one hell of a relationship and trying to divorce. Yes, I’m talking about two separate people. I don’t condone this but it happened. So, at 27, I’m back in the dating world. I didn’t know I would need a manual for this crap. I didn’t exactly wake up one day and decide now was the moment to start dating. No, it was definitely more like Oh, I really need laid. I didn’t need the whole lets get to know you crap beforehand.
Getting back out there as a single woman after being married for years is definitely different from being single and in college. I heard what everyone went through with online dating and blah blah but that isn’t my style. It also isn’t my style to go get drunk, dance like a fool and stay at the bar till 2am. I don’t go out often because that requires babysitters all around and planning and quite frankly, I would just prefer my sweats and the couch. Maybe my vibrator to close out the night- depends on how much wine I drank by myself.
Then there is the whole idea of what I’m looking for- besides sex. I’m not looking for a relationship but I don’t need a freaking idiot either. In my blog, I call them training wheel men. Or TW’s for short. I have been through hell in my life for the past year and through that, I now know exactly what I’m looking for. The guy in his parent’s basement is not an option. The one who doesn’t have a job and is still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up is also not an option. Apparently just because I am in this game as more of an adult doesn’t mean all the guys are. I want someone to hang out with, have good conversation, and share a drink with.
Now I sound like a Hallmark Christmas movie. Queue perfect snowflakes and romantic kiss here.
It was so much easier in college. You get drunk, you make out, you say oops in the morning and move on to the tons of other available guys that don’t have baggage. The fact that they still depended on their parents wasn’t a big deal and hell, we all had huge dreams back then. It was anyone’s guess on whether or not they would work out once we graduated. Now I’m wondering if the guy sitting across from me is in a world of debt or has a wife hidden at home because lord knows I know that type.
The flip side – the good side of it is this. When you step back out into the dating world all over again you are a new you. You can make better decisions. You can take the guy home and it isn’t to a dorm room where you try to stay on the twin bed after all those tequila shots. You have the guts to go up to the guy and buy him a drink at the bar. You can ask the tough questions because you deserve to. And even better- when you do get that girls night out, you can let loose. You can jump on the bar, dance with your friends, and kiss the hot guy up against your truck at 2am in the parking lot. Because he may just end up being a damn good lay and the guy sitting next to me on the couch as I type this.
Dating is a different world as a grown-up, but there is no parent or roommate to come bursting through the door when we start going at it on the couch here in a few minutes.
I can always count on Shannon to say it like it is – and her post is dead-on – dating as a “grown-up” is so different, and so different on top of that as a divorced woman…check out my post on Shannon’s blog for my thoughts on this subject as well. And, I also couldn’t agree more…I am a new me now, than I was then, and dating, even with it’s up’s and down’s, has been hugely impactful for me in my growth path.
One other point – which I think I will expand on in a future post is this – it takes a strong woman to date. It really does. It’s not easy, it’s not black and white, you don’t “know” instantly, and it’s a lot of fits and starts. It takes patience, it takes confidence, and it takes guts. I’ve realized that, especially recently, and I applaud everyone out there that has taken the leap, and if you haven’t, even though it sounds scary, it’s worth it, it’s rewarding, and you never know when you’ll meet yout TW3 (wink – Shannon, he’s more than your training wheels, I can feel it!).
April 28, 2010
Posted by Jolene under Dating
| Tags: confidence
Yes, ladies and gentleman, I think I am becoming a smarter dater!
After oh, 12 prospects (give or take…only two of which actually moved into longer-ish term dating status – brainy blonde and CBE) and 7 months into this foray into dating, I think I am finally becoming a smarter dater (thanks to BDFF for uttering those words yesterday morning, as it totally sparked this post idea!).
*pats self on back*
When I look back at my “man audit” – I can strikethrough at least half of them that I probably wouldn’t have even bothered with, one of which being the Russian. I look back at that now, and while I probably would have gone on 1-2 dates with him, I don’t think I would have gone beyond that, because, while there was some chemistry, we had virtually nothing in common, and the conversation was pretty lackluster, now that I think back (sort of like my date last night!). But, on the other hand, each of these dating experiences, one-date wonders and non-starters teaches me something new, so I still don’t really regret any of them, I just look back at them and think that now, I would have gone about it a little bit differently.
So what does this mean for my future dating prospects?
Maybe I’ll be a little more picky? Or maybe picky isn’t quite the right word, but discerning, perhaps? Because, while I am focused on my must-have’s and/or make-or-break’s, I also don’t want to be too close-minded either. But, I suppose there is a fine line to walk, no matter what, in the whole dating thing – and that balance comes in time, or at least it has for me, in terms of refining what I want since, at the beginning of this dating foray, I had no clue what I really wanted, to be honest. At least not a concrete list of things.
What do you think? Is there “such a thing” as smart dating? Or, do we just becoming smarter and/or more confident in what we’re going after? Or, maybe I’m just overthinking the whole thing? That wouldn’t be like me at all, now would it? 😉
On a side note – check me out – Bloggers in Sin City…here…we…come!! Less than a month, who’s excited?!
And, on another side note – my sister is having a girl!!! I am SO excited. It’s funny because I knew she would be calling me and my sister Jess in the afternoon, once she found out, and suddenly, I just KNEW she was going to have a girl, without a doubt. I wonder if it was when she was having her ultrasound…sister intution at work 😉 Game on Jess – auntie throwdown continues!!
April 27, 2010
That’s all it took for me to realize that OK Cupid boy #2 (and overall, boy #11 or 12, I believe??) was not what I had expected. At all.
He walks in and he didn’t look quite like his picture, and I knew almost instantly that it probably wasn’t going to go beyond this particular date (now I know why sometimes it’s worth suggesting coffee or “a” drink and not dinner for a first date! Live and learn – ha), but, I was obviously going to give it a chance, and see what happened.
Maybe the conversation would flow nicely, and we’d find more in common.
Conversation relatively awkward, kept up only by my rambling on about random stories.
Maybe he would be really funny and that would stir up some attraction.
But, he did laugh at my jokes…but my jokes are usually lame, so I’m not sure he gains anything there (in fact, maybe he loses points :-P).
Maybe over the course of the night, he’ll “grow on me” and a second date might be worthwhile.
Just stayed relatively awkward (for me, anyway, not sure for him, he seemed to be enjoying himself!).
So, those were the highlights (lowlights?) of the date – oh, and he even gave me RED ROSES after our date – which was a huge surprise (and made me feel a little bad that I knew it wouldn’t go beyond this date) and personally, I think that was a little over the top, no? Red roses? Those signal love…and this was a first date, let’s be honest (though, to his credit, very sweet, and I was touched by that).
He texted me when I got home – twice – I responded once, and I know I need to just be upfront with him today, because he is truly a nice guy, just isn’t the guy for me.
But, as always, I have learned a few things from this dating experience (which makes these all worthwhile, right?!):
- Just becuase you have things in common doesn’t mean there will be a connection (it felt more like we were in the “Friend Zone” personally)
- If you aren’t sure, don’t go for full-on dinner, just a drink or coffee (but in this case, I thought there was some potential there, so I guess that’s a hindsight thing)
- Maybe dating someone my age – 30 – is still not quite a fit for me maturity-wise. Not that I need to go to the other end of the spectrum – 41 (aka CBE) – but a few years older seems to jive well with my own maturity level, I’m thinking (and, this makes me think of chemistry.com boy #2, who is 38…more on that in a later post!).
So, onward we go, back at it, and as I always tend to say – we’ll see what happens next!
April 26, 2010
After yesterday’s pity party for one and a ton of really good feedback from my IRL and blog family (thank you a million times over!), I am feeling a little better today (I say a “little” only because I am in dire need of a Monday do-over as I started the day with a case of the clumsies, spilled coffee all over myself, dropped about 14 things while getting ready for work, all before 7:30 am…).
And, on top of that, sometimes it truly is the little things in life that make such a huge difference. As IntrigueMe over at Quarter for Her Thoughts pointed out in her post (wow, great minds think alike, huh? The end of her post is similar to mine, as we speak!) – we had a fantastic conversation on gmail chat…it was fun, and girlie, and just what I needed. Add to that a fun conversation about life, dating, blogging, and other chit-chat with Travis from A Culminating Life, and I’m feeling the blog love from my family – and those were two instances of good timing for chats (along with the blog comments I got last night/this morning) that have brightened my mood and outlook.
And, as several comments commented on my blog – and where I agree – sometimes you do need to just feel what you’re feeling and realize that 1) we’re allowed to have bad days, 2) give yourself more credit for all that you’ve accomplished despite said bad day, and 3) this is a constant journey, it requires continued effort, but in the end, it pays off, and you’re a happier, better person.
And I know all of this is so right, and that I was just having a bad day…but part of me felt sheepish for even feeling that way, for some reason, and feeling as though I’d taken a huge leap back to day one, feeling weak and demoralized…but I think it was more the fact that I was just frustrated with a bevy of little things and they all bubbled up into one big ole pity party.
Well, pity party no more – there’s life to be lived and I’m going to enjoy it…and besides, I need to perk up…I have a date tonight 😉 (and maybe another potentially brewing…more on that later).
April 25, 2010
Okay, before I launch into the purpose of this post (hence the title), I want to first say that that despite it all, I’ve actually had a pretty fantastic weekend, complete with my brother in law Josh’s 30th birthday dinner, a great girlie day with my college roommate spent at IKEA, meeting TIAGO, and great weather (upper 60s, sunny!).
I had a little bit of an emotional meltdown today, and I’m not really sure if it was one thing that brought it on, or several little things that added up to one big frustrated, blubbery mess. Here are some of the little things I think grew into one big thing…
…feeling in the minority this weekend. Hanging with my sisters and their husbands, we had a good time, but at one point, I looked around, and realized that I was in the minority…alone, not with anyone in my life, let alone a husband. Jen is expecting her first child (yay!), and Jess and Scott are stronger than ever as well…talking about sleeping without Jess (when she travels for work, for example), he said he can’t sleep well without her. It struck me – I don’t even know what that feeling would feel like, or if I ever will feel like that. I’ve gotten so used to sleeping alone, by myself, and dealing with it (it was so scary for me a year and a half ago!) that I don’t even know anything different.
…watching the turning points in my friends’ lives. Similar to being in the minority, I look around and see pending marriage (my college roommate, a couple of my friends, BDF and BDFF), new couplings, new love fostering, and I wonder – again – when will it be my time? These are the times when my patience pants are lost in my closet and I really need to find them, because I truly do have faith in God that that man is out there for me and I’m not going to settle until I find him. But I still have my moments of want. That’s normal, I think, right?
…Group Kick frustrations. It’s the never-ending saga of when will the light switch flip on and stay on?? I’m improving, I know I am, but I need to sustain it, and in two Group Kick practices this weekend, I’ve just been frustrated a bit, and felt my inhibitions rising to the top. I need to focus on my growth, and doing this for me, and focusing on BEING GREAT, because I know I can…I just need to will it to the forefront and keep it there. We launch the new release this week (woo! the YouTube I posted yesterday has a glimpse) and in another week, I retape. And I MUST BE GREAT. No pressure…
…patio set be damned! I was SO excited to finally get a patio set and was bound and determined to put it together all by myself, with my trusty little toolset, and I was chugging along just fine until the flippin bolt wrench provided in the packaging refused to tighten the bolts. I tried, and tried, and sweated, and yelled and tried some more. Nada. I texted Pete to ask him what I was doing wrong. I was frustrated for even calling him about it because I wanted to do it myself – I even told him that, and he laughed. He wasn’t able to help. I went to Home Depot to buy a better wrench and got the wrong one (and was feeling intimidated in the stupid store – it’s the one store I feel intimidated in, because I feel as though I stick out like a sore thumb, even though I don’t and I’m just thinking of stereotypes!). Thankfully, my brother-in-law Scott came to the rescue and finished putting it together – how’s it look? (just needs some flowers, outdoor lights and other fixin’s and will be ready for lots of parties!)
All of this sort of came to a head for me today…I cried a few times (and I haven’t cried in ages – big rock for me there!), I told my sister Jess that I’m sick of doing it all alone, I’m sick of “just dealing,” and I’m sick of “coping” – it is moments like that that I just need to FEEL it, let it out, and then I feel better.
And, I know a huge thing weighing on me today is my Nonna’s birthday would have been today…and I miss her so much, and can’t believe it’s almost been a year since her passing. She would have had just the right words to say, and she would look at me, nod her head, and then not say a word, and I would just see it in her eyes, and know…she loves me, she has faith in me, and she’s proud of me. I can feel her and know she’s watching.
So with that, I’ll end this lengthy, somewhat all-over-the-place post with two things – this pity party for one is over…I feel better now “blogging it out” and second, a quote I borrowed from Quarter for Her Thoughts that fits exactly how I’m feeling about my Nonna:
“If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.” -Claudia Ghandi
April 24, 2010
We interrupt the usually-more-serious, usually-more-personal, usually-more-insightful blog to bring you TIAGO!!!
Yes, my friends, I got to meet my absolute FAVORITE Group Kick instructor (he works for Body Training Systems and has been in the past two of our instructor DVDs, and he’s well, very easy on the eyes) – Tiago – today after my Ride class, and well, it’s the only thing I can currently think about so I figured I’d gush, I mean, blog it out for all of your amusement 😉
One of the other Group Kick instructors (Steph) and I decided we’d “hang around” practicing on the heavy bag for awhile because we knew he was coming to our gym (from Atlanta..he puts the HOT in HOTlanta!! teehee, yes, I’m 13, suddenly, I realize) for a Group Ride Intensive class (one of those days I *really* wish I taught Ride!) and we wanted to meet him. So we did, and we chatted with a few other instructors who were still there after class (one of which was CSB…yea, he’s stil a cutie, but has NOTHING on Tiago!). Just as we walked over to practice at the bag, he walked in the door.
Steph and I ran back over to the reception area, tried to compose ourselves as we were both super giggly, and me, well, I was shaking! Like, seriously, hi, I’m 30, not 13, how is this man making me shake in my sneaks?! It felt like meeting a really hot celebrity, on one hand, but on the other, it also just gave me a super jolt of inspiration to keep fighting my Group Kick demons and go for the gold. It was just awesome. He was extremely nice, we chatted about Kick and training for it, as well as Body Training Systems, in general, and all the work that goes into the trainings, the intensives, and the tapings etc. It was quite cool.
And, wow, is he hot. Tall, lean, muscular, and oh, did I mention he has a sexy Brazilian accent too?! Not too heavy, just enough where it’s well, sexy. Okay, seriously, I need to stop gushing. I’ll leave you with the trailer for the April ’10 release that we’re launching next week – he’s in the middle (with the “Let it Rock” song) and is the taller of the two dark-haired men – c’mon, admit it, that man is gorgeous 😉
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