Wow, it’s been a fantastic weekend here in New England – upper 70s/low 80s and it’s only April 4? Amazing, really, and truly needed. I feel alive, I feel energetic and so excited for the spring to come, with a lot of fun things planned over the next few months.

(Bear with me, this blog post is going to be all over the map!)

I have a lot to look forward to, I really do, including my trip this week to see BDF (who will need a new “name” soon since she’s getting married! Yay!) in Florida, as well as Bloggers in Sin City in May, and soon after that? My annual Cathe Road Trip in Jersey in July, and following that? WINE COUNTRY in October! How fun, right? I’m really excited for my travel excursions I have planned so far this year and it just adds to the “the year of me” in so many ways, since this was one of the big things I wanted to do this year – travel and enjoy every minute of it!

So, my travel “season” starts this week and I couldn’t be more excited! I’ll likely post from my 3-day excursion when I get back, but it’s sure to be filled with lots of girlie time, wine, and laughter – fantastic, no?)

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And, coming off a weekend where I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my girls night crew and my family for Easter, I am feeling happy. Which then leads me to again wonder about CBE…does he have a part in my happiness?

I’m not sure. Sometimes I think he does, and other times I think he doesn’t. And that confused the hell out of me. And I had a couple of very interesting convos with some of my friends this weekend during girls night, one of which thought my use of the word “ambivalence” in my post wasn’t quite what I was aiming for – her takeaway from that post was that I am simply “dialing it back” a few gears with him, instead of going full-force….which is okay, and it doesn’t mean it has to end, it’s just being toned back a bit.

And she has a great point – because that’s pretty much exactly what I’ve done.

However, another of my friends sensed my hesitation as well, with CBE, lately, and thinks that perhaps that sense of hesitation and pullback is a sign that it isn’t the best fit for me, and perhaps not worth continuing.

And I totally see her point too.

I’m just not sure what I want to do.

And I’m not sure what CBE wants to do, either. I mean, he seems excited to see me again, he mentioned picking me up from the airport next weekend when I get back from Florida, but I also think he may have needed this pullback weekend as well, and maybe he is shifting gears too…who knows.

I thought I’d come out of this weekend with a little more clarity, and so far, I really don’t feel much more clarity now, than I did going into this weekend. I think at this point, I am ambivalent – in the traditional sense – not sure if I mind what happens either way…and maybe that’s the clearest indicator that it’s not going to move much farther ahead…or maybe I’m just sick of overthinking and this is my attempt at “shelving it” until we get together again?

Wow, you’d think I’d be less confused by now, huh? Sometimes, just sometimes, this is when dating can really be a a bit of a downer…it is such a rollercoaster of extreme highs and giddiness to lows of confusion, worry, and misguided thoughts. Hmmph.

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On another note, my guest post for Quarter for Her Thoughts appeared today – it’s my version of the “love list” – playing off a series she’s been doing on her blog for a bit, that I’ve really enjoyed reading. Writing my own version (as a play-off a recent list I created as well) also got me thinking – does CBE fit the love list? In ways, sure, but in others, notsomuch. Another hmmph.

But, on a bright note, please give it a read, let me know what you think!

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And finally, I am really excited to start reading a book my Gram gave me – another from Joel Osteen called “It’s Your Time.” It looks fantastic, and maybe just what I need to read right now…because I truly think it IS my time, and sometimes I lose sight of that…I need to identify it and embrace it!

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