This post comes courtesy of Travis from “A Culminating Life” – it’s a wonderful post, give it a read, and thank you Travis!!


Also known as, Funny How I Blind Myself

There is a story. One where the man before he married his wife fell in love with the girl of his dreams. This girl of course, became his wife. She along with him were equals in companionship in this life. And she became his dear companion for many, many years until her death.

I was married for 15 years. I married young. Just out of high school. So I’m not that old. I had married someone who I believed was going to be my companion to carry and share in the burdens for our whole lives. I also felt fortunate that I was going to be one of those that could be part of a long and joyous life, and experience the unprecedented joy of love.

The problems that was raised later in her life, became a direct reflection on the insecurity and turmoil of not trusting men. Due to a marriage prior to ours, that had detrimental affects on her to this day.

Fear, uncertainty and doubt ruled and troubled her mind. It helped drive her into behaviors and actions, that ultimately destroyed the marriage. Like everything in life, we have our choice how we want to act… or re-act.

None of this could have destroyed the marriage, but through years of persistent betrayal of the marriage covenants, it was.

Betrayal of the marriage is a level of abuse. Much abuse that happens in marriage is subtle. It’s neglect, its abandonment of the heart. It’s giving love and attention to someone else other than your spouse. And only the ones who have experienced that immense physical pain of dealing with infidelity truly know that it is very physical. That the heartache, the lack of sleep, the intense agony is abuse.

Men who believe they are superior to woman, fail this one thought… They were born from their mother’s womb and they would not exist without her. This quote, “Man can not degrade woman without himself falling into degradation; he can not elevate her without at the same time elevating himself” (Alexander Walker, in Elbert Hubbard’s Scrap Book [1923], 204).

Men and women are equals. Man can not be any greater unless he elevates the woman to which he will himself will be elevated. And at the same time, degrading a woman is the same as degrading your mother.

For some people, they know the pains that are worse than divorce, and it is these times when divorce is needed to heal wounds, and rescue families.

Divorce is becoming the norm. While long and happy marriages are becoming the exception. This does not have to true. It can be protected.

We can spend all day talking about love. But true love, the one that you can’t bare to let go, is not about talk. It’s about action.

To love your wife, is to do everything in this life you can do, to prove to her the love you really do have. It is the constant attention, compassion, and sharing in every detail of your lives. The moment you give to someone else the details of your heart, you are then cheating your wife out of those sentimental and precious moments. You have restrained the offering of your heart, mind and soul, and gave it to another.

To protect the marriage, boundaries have to exist. And not casual ones either. As men have a natural tendency to keep pushing the line back where our human nature desires it be.

So we have to fight these tendencies with a great deal of diligence.

By putting a firm line that is close to your spouse, you are protecting yourself from the advances of women, who may wish what your wife has.

By maintaining a closeness with your wife, you are reminding other woman, that this is where you belong, and their advances will weaken. The moment you show her a level of compassion and expose your heart, she will believe that she can have this. And each step closer begins to happen. The possibly slow actions of cheating have begun.

There are men, who through their own insecurities, and insatiable passions, choose not to protect the marriage, and abuse their spouses with all levels of pain. From the subtlest of neglect, through the emotional abuse of infidelities an threats, and physical abuse. All are dangerous. All need to stop. This is not just a protection for the marriage, but for the future generations that was created. Children are then having to fight inner demons, that began as they saw the devastation and fallout of the marriage.

By following a simple set of rules, you will always be able to protect your marriage, and constantly remind her that she is your universe, and your universe belongs to her.

The biggest thing that men can do, is have a very open, very talkative level of communication. Communicate everything. I mean everything. By doing this, you will not be tempted to complain to a co-worker how something stunk at home and allow them to open up their heart to you, by which future temptations my arise from.

Your spouse is your best friend. In all reality, if your spending too much time with the guys, and you’ve left your wife home alone, you have neglected her. And you are cheating her out of the time you two could have to continually grow the marriage and relationship.

In social events there is a trick I was taught. This is subtle, and allows a subconscious level of protection. Always have your wife between you and the other women. This could be you just standing behind her shoulder, or by her side where the other woman is opposite of you. If you don’t do this, you can open yourself up to the “friendly” elbow touch, shoulder touch, hand touch. That could get miss-interpreted as an advance. This also can hint to how the husband really wants to let everyone know that he is happily married.

Never talk on the phone with another woman, without your wife present. Even the movies show this stunt when talking about infidelity.

None of this that I’m describing has anything to do with trust on the woman’s side, just notes and practices, to make sure she has no reason to not trust us.

The more we as men do to live a life that is pure, loving, and compassionate to our wives, the greater our life we will be. And the legacy of love that you will leave with your family will have outstanding effects.