Hello Jolene’s blog! I’m Shannon and some of you may have read my blog .  For those of you who don’t stalk me on a regular basis- shame on you.  Really, it’s ok though.  I’m here to share a few things with you today that may be a little more than what you wanted to know.  To get my full story on why I’m newly single and dating check out my full blog, According to Me.

I’m one of those people getting over one hell of a relationship and trying to divorce.  Yes, I’m talking about two separate people.  I don’t condone this but it happened.  So, at 27, I’m back in the dating world.  I didn’t know I would need a manual for this crap. I didn’t exactly wake up one day and decide now was the moment to start dating.  No, it was definitely more like Oh, I really need laid.  I didn’t need the whole lets get to know you crap beforehand.

Getting back out there as a single woman after being married for years is definitely different from being single and in college.  I heard what everyone went through with online dating and blah blah but that isn’t my style.  It also isn’t my style to go get drunk, dance like a fool and stay at the bar till 2am.  I don’t go out often because that requires babysitters all around and planning and quite frankly, I would just prefer my sweats and the couch.  Maybe my vibrator to close out the night- depends on how much wine I drank by myself.

I’m kidding.

A little.

Then there is the whole idea of what I’m looking for- besides sex.  I’m not looking for a relationship but I don’t need a freaking idiot either.  In my blog, I call them training wheel men.  Or TW’s for short.  I have been through hell in my life for the past year and through that, I now know exactly what I’m looking for.  The guy in his parent’s basement is not an option.  The one who doesn’t have a job and is still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up is also not an option. Apparently just because I am in this game as more of an adult doesn’t mean all the guys are. I want someone to hang out with, have good conversation, and share a drink with.

Now I sound like a Hallmark Christmas movie.  Queue perfect snowflakes and romantic kiss here.

It was so much easier in college.  You get drunk, you make out, you say oops in the morning and move on to the tons of other available guys that don’t have baggage.  The fact that they still depended on their parents wasn’t a big deal and hell, we all had huge dreams back then.  It was anyone’s guess on whether or not they would work out once we graduated.  Now I’m wondering if the guy sitting across from me is in a world of debt or has a wife hidden at home because lord knows I know that type.

The flip side – the good side of it is this.  When you step back out into the dating world all over again you are a new you. You can make better decisions.  You can take the guy home and it isn’t to a dorm room where you try to stay on the twin bed after all those tequila shots.  You have the guts to go up to the guy and buy him a drink at the bar.  You can ask the tough questions because you deserve to.  And even better- when you do get that girls night out, you can let loose.  You can jump on the bar, dance with your friends, and kiss the hot guy up against your truck at 2am in the parking lot.  Because he may just end up being a damn good lay and the guy sitting next to me on the couch as I type this.

Dating is a different world as a grown-up, but there is no parent or roommate to come bursting through the door when we start going at it on the couch here in a few minutes.

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I can always count on Shannon to say it like it is – and her post is dead-on – dating as a “grown-up” is so different, and so different on top of that as a divorced woman…check out my post on Shannon’s blog for my thoughts on this subject as well. And, I also couldn’t agree more…I am a new me now, than I was then, and dating, even with it’s up’s and down’s, has been hugely impactful for me in my growth path.

One other point – which I think I will expand on in a future post is this – it takes a strong woman to date. It really does. It’s not easy, it’s not black and white, you don’t “know” instantly, and it’s a lot of fits and starts. It takes patience, it takes confidence, and it takes guts. I’ve realized that, especially recently, and I applaud everyone out there that has taken the leap, and if you haven’t, even though it sounds scary, it’s worth it, it’s rewarding, and you never know when you’ll meet yout TW3 (wink – Shannon, he’s more than your training wheels, I can feel it!).

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