Over the last week or two, I feel as though I’ve lost sight of the “me” in me. I’ve had more down moments and feelings than I have in awhile, and it’s been frustrating, because all I want to be is happy. And part of being happy is exploring and celebrating ME.
I was reading Lauren’s latest post on My Life, Incomplete today, (btw, worth checking out her post-divorce insanity post yesterday too, it was really great) and this excerpt jumped out and smacked me upside the head with a much-needed dose of reality:
Our problems, our heartache, our pain are all a part of the only experience we will have here on Earth. They are a part of who we are and who we will become. Not only should we learn from them, but we should embrace them. I’m not suggesting that we should jump for joy over our sick children or the tragic loss of a loved one (or any other painful experience, at that). I only mean to communicate that life is now. Life is beautiful. Through good and bad, life is better when shared with others.
Life IS beautiful, and my life, well, it may feel ugly sometimes, but overwhelmingly, it is beautiful, because I am alive, I have my family, I have my friends, I have my health and I have a lot of life to live. I may not have love, I may not have a heck of a lot of money right now, and I may not have either of those things as much as I want them right now (love more than money, the priority!), but I have life and a lot of experience to embrace, including heartache/pain/sadness, which may not be all goodness and joy, but it’s making me who I am today – a stronger, more resilient, more confident me. The rest will fall into place, when it’s meant to, and I just need to release that uptightness and control that has been paralyzing my thoughts lately.
I need to get back to me and remember my self-professed “anthem” – Happy, by Leona Lewis. The words, in part, are below, and they are me through and through. I’m just trying to be happy.
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can’t have everything
Don’t cha take chances
Might feel the pain
Don’t cha love in vain
Cause love won’t set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
But safe as could be
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I’m just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah