Well, it’s Quote Friday everyone, and please bear with me as I feel as though this may be a doozy of a post (and go in a few different directions).
It’s been a pretty difficult week for me, emotionally and mentally, as I’m sure some of my posts have indicated, at some underlying level, and today, well, I felt a little like I hit rock bottom of sorts. See, I’ve been working three jobs – main job, Group Kick (not that I get paid for that, but I digress) and some side work that I haven’t really mentioned here, but it’s sapping up 5-10 hours a week of my time during the evenings, yet, I’m broke. Flat out broke.
Was expecting some money to arrive in my account yesterday or this morning from said third job and it has yet to arrive, so where does that leave me?
Overdrawn. By a lot.
And I have so many things I need that I haven’t even been able to buy, till I get paid. Not even big things, mundane, little things. Yet, I don’t have the money for even that. It came to a tipping point this morning, where I saw the state of my banking, saw what little is left in my savings, and sat on the floor and cried. I felt alone. I felt no security blanket. I felt a little bit scared.
It was one of the first times in a long time that it’s hit me square in the face that it’s just me…no backup in the form of a husband, or a boyfriend, even. Just me. And not to say that I am in such dire straights that I have no support, because I do, in my family, and I know it could be a lot worse (and I truly hope this post doesn’t come across as complaining or short-sighted). But for the amount I am working, I’m frustrated that I can’t even make ends meet suddenly. I’m not spending on much at all, above and beyond my monthly bills. My pride feels bruised, too, because I have managed for so long on my own, and suddenly, I feel as though I am at square one.
And, then, on the other hand, I feel a little bit sheepish for even complaining about the state of my finances, generally, or here, but I just need to get this feeling out of my system, because like I said in an earliest post this week, stress and worry aren’t going to fix or change anything…and it’s never too late to get back up again.
I just need to get back up.
So this quote really sums up what I need to express:
“The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you’re really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes.”
I feel tested, I feel knocked around, dissapointed (at myself) and a little bit sad.
But on the other hand, I am grateful – very grateful – for all that I have that has nothing to do with finances, because, at the end of the day, it’s just money, and as my brother-in-law Scott always says: “you can’t take it with you.” This too shall pass for me, I just need to feel it, release it, and move on.
So that’s what I will do. I have a great weekend ahead of me, complete with my sister Jess’s retaping for Kick tonight, and mine on Sunday (let’s rock it sis!) and a party tomorrow night. Happy weekend everyone, and if you are feeling knocked around, try and shake it off, ok?
Mini-update: Check out I Used to Have Hair/Canadian Bald Guy’s post today – the perspective poem, well, really, I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Point taken. Much needed!!
And, as promised, an update on my date last night – with chemistry.com boy #2.
It went really well actually, surprisingly so.
I am really glad I went (cue “I told ya so’s” from all that encouraged me to go), we had a good time at dinner, and I learned more about him and what he stands behind in terms of a relationship (no cheating, no disrespect, truly seems like a nice, genuine guy), and I think I felt some chemistry too. A hug goodnight didn’t quite tell me for sure (I think he *may* have wanted to kiss me, but did not) but I think i will see him again. I just have a crazy busy week ahead, and then V-E-G-A-S the week after, so I’m just not sure when that will be).