All I have to say is wow.
I felt the blog “love” yesterday after my rambling-I’m-broke-why-does-this-happen-to-me-but-it’s-okay-I’ll-get-back-up-again post and am feeling so much better today. For that reason, combined with some hugs, words of comfort and support from some of my favorites IRL, and lastly, but most significantly, am amazing gift.
I had emailed my mom about my stress over my finances…something I never do, because I try to harbor any stress over money or anything, really, inside, or maybe just mention it to my sisters, because of this somewhat silly need to appear “okay” all the time. And, this time, I realized that I had my near-breaking point, having kept it in for so long that it boiled over.
I hate when I do that.
I’ve done pretty well allowing myself to feel what I need to feel, but this time, I didn’t, and it caught up to me. So, I laid it all out on the table, and just needed to vent, and she responded a few hours later, saying she was sitting there, trying to figure out how to respond.
When a colleague handed her an envelope with unexpected money in it (for what it was, I don’t know) and she told me she was signing it over (in part) to me.
I was floored. Speechless. Relieved. But proud…didn’t want to take it, any of it, part of it. I wanted to thank her, profusely, but refuse it.
But she’s mom, and she doesn’t take no for an answer easily 😉 Particularly when she felt so strongly about it, being the movement of God, working in yet another mysterious way. So, after some back-and-forth on email about it, I gave in, almost in tears, just because I felt so relieved, loved, and comforted. But my mom, my friends, my blog friends, and my family.
And today, I feel like a million bucks (no pun intended!).
Despite intermittent pouring rain, and a bobbled attempt at retaping my Group Kick assessment (camera broke this morning, just as I had gathered some friends and family at 7 am, no less!), I feel great.
I guess I didn’t realize how much or how long the money thing was weighing on me. Or, how many things I was holding off on getting or doing until now. And, I hope to be able to use the extra funds from my mom (thank you!) to help get me back on my feet a bit (combined with more reoccuring checks from my second job).
And, on the eve of Mother’s Day (a holiday my mom has always sort of waved off), I feel so grateful to have a mom that has been the most supportive, loving, encouraging, proud, and well, pretty damn cool. She’s fulfilled my and my sister’s lives for 30 years and this moment was one I will never forget.
To all of you mothers out there…particularly single mothers, I salute you. You’re an amazing bunch.