So, while I sit here still feeling pretty darn good about OKC boy #3 (aka Southern Boy), I’ve had another blog topic kind of marinating in my mind in recent weeks. As with some of my more stoic posts, I tend to feel the need to put a mini-disclaimer upfront…I hope this doesn’t come across as negative or, well, selfish (hence the title), but it’s something I’ve been feeling lately and just need to blog it out. So, bear with me, or feel free to skip ahead to a future post, instead, mmk?

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Is it so selfish…

To look out for me once in awhile?

Does it make me a bad person? A bad sister? A bad friend? A bad coworker?

Or does it make me normal? Or smart? Or focused?

Or a mix?

After all, this is the year of me, and I should be able to enjoy it, live up to what I’ve set out to accomplish, personally this year for me, and only me.

Yet, sometimes I feel like it’s not okay to put myself first, or my priorities first, no matter how much I compromise, or look out for others’ feelings or needs or their priorities. I try to balance it all, I try to be as good – or better – a friend to others as I want to be treated, no matter if it’s actually reciprocated.

…but then I still sometimes feel judged, or two cents-ed (yes that’s a word, for me!), or selfish.

And I’m not selfish.

It’s a balance, and I think I do a damn good job, and well, that’s that. I guess I’m going to continue to keep as much balance as possible, while still looking out forΒ  me (and being a good friend/sister/coworker/etc).

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This post from T (seriously, your posts are amazing, adore them!) really kind of sums it up for me…and maybe she says what I don’t quite know how to capture:

I believe that at any moment in time, someone could accuse you of something that you’ve never done. And they will be so convinced that they’re right that nothing you do will change their mind.

I believe that just because you’re being honest with someone, it doesn’t mean that they still don’t have a right to react to your honesty.

I also believe that just because someone reacts to your honesty, it doesn’t mean that you should change your thoughts, shut down and/or never be honest with them again.

I believe that most people put on an act or mask when they’re around others. But just because they do that, it doesn’t mean that they don’t know who they truly are on some level.

I believe that we all need to be reminded who we truly are.

YES. What she said.

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