To my loving kitty Nala,

I’ve loved you since I set my eyes on you almost 7 years ago, along with your sister Kayla. You’ve helped me mourn and recover the loss of Shelby, one of the best cats in the world, you’ve been my wanna-be puppy, my fur-soulmate, my rock, support, and love, through divorce, and the light in my life.

Now that you are sick with whatever it is that ails you…I vow this to you:

…to not let you suffer.

…to protect you the best I can.

…to love you as hard as humanly possible for as long as I can.

…to help you recover, if that is a possibility.

…and to watch over your sister, and love her just as much as I love you, as long as I have you both as my “children.”

~~~

This is truly a time where I am digging deep, trusting my faith in God, and hoping my Nala is treatable. I took her to the vet this morning as she had a nosebleed…something I’ve never seen a cat have, and something I never really want to see again. When we arrived, they weighed her, as standard protocol.

…and my heart sank.

She’s only 5.5 lbs…2 lbs less than she was 6 months ago.

…bad, very bad.

Me, worried sick, shaking, scared, a million thoughts running through my brain. She had a mysterious illness two summers ago as she had lost some weight (from around 9 lbs to 7.5 lbs) and after many tests, much bloodwork, and a ton of money, the results were inconclusive, and she seemed to stay steady at her weight.

…and now this.

It’s been a very trying day…and I don’t think I’ve had one full hour where I haven’t cried. I fear deep down that whatever she has is not treatable, and I may need to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I don’t want to, I’m afraid to, I want to hold on tight and never let go…but I will never, ever put either of my cats through pain and suffering for my own selfish desires.

So…I wait, until tomorrow morning, for the blood work to come back. It’s going to be a long evening, but I am trying to stay strong. Some may think a pet is “just”a pet but these are my children and I love them more than anything (almost…), and truly don’t know what I’ll do if I have to make that decision.

….

~~~

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