I had a really interesting conversation with BDFF around what I look for in a potential mate (stemming off chatting about feeling lucky and fortunate to have such a good friendship with Pete, as she and her ex have also gotten to a pretty good place in their co-parenting post-divorce relationship) and the age-old question (feels like an age-old question for me since I feel like I’m asked this relatively often IRL) – “do you look for qualities you liked in Pete in guys you date?”

The answer?

Not at all.

Not because Pete didn’t have good qualities, because he did, and he still does. And those qualities are reasons why I still love him (yes, I do love him, but not in “that” way – I feel the need to clarify that even though I’d written on this topic before), but when I am on dates and when I think about the qualities I am looking for in a future mate, Pete doesn’t enter the equation, he doesn’t cross my mind, and I don’t compare him in any way.

It just feels so separate to me, and unrelated.

Because I am not looking for my ex, I am looking for my RIGHT.

While of course I still haven’t quite *found* him yet, I do have some specific qualities and must-haves I am looking for, while also I am also trying to keep an open mind to what that potential mate might look like, where he might be, and that “image” of him in general.

And in the meantime, I’m feeling good and feel as though I’m on an upward cycle in terms of feeling hopeful and good about inching towards finding my “right (now)”…I know he’s out there, I’m trying my damnest to be patient and I think it’s sort of starting to work (but now that I’ve said that, gimme a few days and watch me me be whining for wanting a date! Ha).

What do you think?

If you are past divorce, or a long-term relationship with someone you felt was “the one,” do you compare current dates, prospects, qualities you are looking for and want in that past mate? It just feels puzzling to me because it feels so separate, but I’m curious about others’ thoughts, so share, friends, share!