As things continue to progress and grow with Doctor Boy…feelings, happiness, potential, plans (and swoonage, of course), I’ve started to observe more and more how I feel when I am with him…and when I am without him.

Am I adjusting to having him around and adjusting my own routine to accommodate him?

Or adjusting to wanting to share my routine with him (not so much adjust FOR it but to it, happily so)?

I think right now, it’s a bit of both. It’s nowhere near the way I felt with CBE, where it was very difficult for me to adjust my routine – a routine that I’ve become so accustomed to the last two years (and probably too accustomed to, to be honest!). I want to spend time with him. I want to go to social outings with him (on our own and with friends – his and min). I want to wake up next to him. And I want to see him.

So, in a way, I feel like I’m adjusting to wanting that.

I’ve never 100% allowed myself that…or wanted to allow myself that before.

So, I’m also adjusting to myself (does that make any sense?!).

And it’s a little scary.

But the good kind of scary.

It’s that phase at the beginning of something blossoming where you’re still figuring each other out, but laughing along the way, at the quirks, their routines, their moods, likes, dislikes, interests, tendencies. It’s hard to keep track of those details sometimes, and I need to remind myself to observe (I distinctly recall T advising this to me – thank you!)…my reactions, my feelings, my emotions, but also his reactions, feelings and emotions.

Adjusting…

To me, that word usually has such a negative connotation for some reason, but I think that’s partially because I’ve had to make so many adjustments in my life since getting divorced that I think of it as change (in a bad way…and let’s face it, I’m a creature of habit!) but when it’s voluntary adjustment, especially for something that seems as special as what is brewing with Doctor Boy? Yeah, I think I can handle that sort of adjustment.

Swoon.

~~

It’s been another whirlwind of a weekend, some of which I spent with Doctor Boy, and the more time we spend together, the more I want to spend time with him. He makes me smile, he makes me feel special, he makes me want to be me and nothing BUT me. I don’t feel like I need to hide my quirks, goofy side, moods, or feelings. I dig that. Like whoa.

~~

And as an update – my sister Jen is still in the hospital. And until I heard her voice tonight, I didn’t realize how much it had been weighing on me.

I’ve been so busy and she hasn’t been able to communicate much (and my mom has been bedside with her 24/7, without much time to communicate updates either), so I’ve just been praying and hoping. And then, when she called, I felt a sudden rush of relief. Her voice. She sounded so much better. I had last spoken to her on Saturday after the half-marathon, and it was teary, and she was emotional and worn down, and that affected me so much.

I’m praying, and know God is giving her strength and perserverence, as is Isabel. I can hear the love for her emanate from Jen…it’s so powerful and brings such a grin to my face. Love between a mother and daughter. My sister is a mom.

And she loves that baby fiercely.

I am so proud. The emotions just come.Tears. Pride. Joy. Love. Faith.

I love you sis, and I love you Isabel, and I know you will get through this together.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. XO.

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