I’ve been struggling with finding value lately. And it’s hard for me to wrap my head around this because I do feel valued (T, thanks for sparking this one in me, from your recent posts!). By Doctor Boy (like whoa), by my family, and my friends.
So why don’t I value myself?
First – self-image.
As I noted in my post yesterday, I’ve been struggling with chronic “fat days” and literally just tearing myself apart in my brain and honestly, I’m not sure why.
Sure, my workout routine isn’t exactly what I want right now (but I know it will improve).
But I still manage to workout 5-6 times a week (vs. what? 6-7?!). So, huh?
Sure, I indulged (like whoa) in wine country (but since, I have been focusing on eating clean and restricting wine to weekends (which is VERY difficult to do, at least once a week isn’t so bad, normally, right?!).
But I am doing it, and when I have gone out to eat, I’ve chosen good options (but it’s still eating out, which doesn’t give me much control on what they put in it exactly either).
So, perhaps I am being a little unfair with myself, but I do know I don’t feel as good as I normally do, and maybe it’s just a really long cycle of PMS (righhht) and maybe I just need to work a little harder.
But it doesn’t mean I should be tearing myself apart. I do value me and who I am, curves and all. Why do I have such a horrible habit? It’s definitely something I struggle with but as of today, I am vowing to take the extra step to think before I immediately say something badly about myself. I mean, if I don’t value me, why should others?!
Second, value in terms of the future.
Where do I want to be? What do I want to achieve? How do I want to get there? I can’t help but think 2011 is the year of changes for me (as much as 2010 has been about change, it’s also been a stepping stone year for me, and of course, the year of me). I ponder these things often. But I can’t sit idle, right? I need to act, I need to make it happen. I need to get out of the comfort zone and just go for it.
I feel like I have built a solid foundation for myself in my first full year on my own, post divorce (since technically, I didn’t get divorced until 9/11/09) and I can’t just expect change to come to me, right?
This is my challenge to me: change my attitude about myself and get back to value. I have a lot to offer, I know this, I really do. So now it’s time to convey it.
Who’s with me? What do you challenge yourself to do?