I’ve been thinking all day about my post last night, with regard to my feelings for my ex-husband and feeling a little sad.

Maybe it’s because our relationship is (again) evolving.

I’m realistic to know that it will continue to evolve as we move further and further away from our marriage and our divorce, with less in common, less to talk about, less to *need* to talk about, and while I want him in my life in some capacity (if he’s also willing), it does take effort (from both parties) and it does take commitment from both to want to stay in touch.

I know I have the effort and willingness in me to keep in touch, and I want to, but I also wonder if that’s what he wants, or if it’ll eventually become forced.

I don’t want that.

We’ve come so far from where we began and from where the “we” ended to who “we” are now, that in my mind, it would be foolish to let that wane, for no good reason other than lack of time. With the holidays coming, there will be even less free time (not that I am complaining…I love how busy the holidays are, given much of it is social fun and family time!), but I hope we can continue to at least catch up here and there.

And then I start wondering if I am forcing it. And for what reason?

I care about him, but I most certainly am not in love with him.

I like getting together for dinner sometimes, even if it’s secretly because I miss some of what he used to cook (his meatloaf was out of this world, what can I say?!) and I *do* like hearing about his life, work, family etc.

I like giving him advice, if he needs it or wants it. Yet I don’t tend to ask him for advice (at least not in the man department!).

So, is it worth it?

I think it is. But I still wonder if he feels the same. About wanting to stay in touch. Time will tell.

I’m realistic in knowing our relationship is evolving.

And I’m okay with that. I just wonder if he sees it too (or even cares).

~~

I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, however, that I am thankful for having such a good relationship with him, even if it does wane here and there. And I am thankful that we haven’t *yet* lost touch after more than two years. I just know that as time passes, it will take effort for us to keep it that way, in some capacity.

An evolution.

 

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