Yes, I’m happy. Yes, I think happiness is a choice.
For me.
If it’s not the way you see it, that’s okay, but for me, it’s a choice, and nobody can take that away.
Nor can or should anyone discount what I’ve gone through in the past (lots of sadness, pain, struggles and yes, even anger) because I’m happy now.
I think know I deserve it.
I have bad days.
Craptastic days.
Days where I’d rather run away and hide and just forget the stuff I don’t want to face.
I hate conflict. I hate public speaking. I hate (lack of) money. I hate budgeting my spending and worrying about bills. I hate looking in the mirror and just seeing flaws. I hate feeling shy and unconfident sometimes.I hate that I don’t know what my next step is. I hate floundering.
I’m not perfect. I have a sarcastic side. I have a potty mouth (shocking, I know). I’m not PG-13.
But the way I write is what I feel and how I like to convey my feelings…thus, puppies and rainbows.
I get frustrated when I stop writing for me and just write for my (perceived) audience. This is my blog dammit, I write for me, and need to remember that.
But what do I love about being a ‘puppies and rainbows’ blogger?
Connecting with bloggy friends that “get” me (you know who you are, Ronda, IntrigueMe, T, Sunshine, Marisa, Magnolia and others).
Capturing a moment, or a thought, or happiness.
…on a regular basis (because dammit, my life feels pretty damn good right now, despite moments of craptastic-ness).
Reading and responding to each and every comment (even if I don’t agree with the comment).
Realizing quite a few of my IRL friends read my blog. When I get a private note, or it comes up in conversation. Knowing I can connect with my friends based on what I am thinking or experiencing means so much more than I ever thought it would (because I never really thought many of my friends would read it, for whatever reason).
Re-reading my favorite posts, and my posts on Doctor Boy. Because they make me smile.
Reading my go-to blogs every day (or as often as possible) and skyping with them too. Truly connecting.
Being honest and open and as direct as possible…
Writing for me. Writing for me. Writing for me.
Remember that, will ya?
To Be Determined 
November 22, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Can I get a “hell yeah?!”
That is all.
November 23, 2010 at 6:55 am
thank you sis.
November 22, 2010 at 9:03 pm
I love that you choose happiness rather than dwelling on all the crap out there that can really bring us down if we let it.
November 23, 2010 at 6:56 am
thank you, I do try. And it’s not an approach that works for everyone, but it works for me now, and it’s worked for me before when times were tougher.
November 22, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Definitely hell yeah! I love this side of you! Tell it like it is, sister! And if there are haters out there, I can almost guarantee that they are just jealous.
November 23, 2010 at 6:56 am
Haha, thank you 😉 Sometimes I have another side that is more direct, less soft. This was one of those moments!
November 22, 2010 at 9:21 pm
awww. thanks! 🙂
it’s so true; when i start writing for others, i lose focus, and it feels really inauthentic. that usually shows, too. that’s why i do my level best to write for myself all the time. and as for the happiness strategy? PREACH, yet again. that’s all i have to say about it.
November 23, 2010 at 6:57 am
exactly. I never want to be inauthentic to who I am and why I blog about what I blog about. This is me, and if you don’t agree with my points, fine, I can accept that. It’s when I feel that my point is brushed off because I’m now happy – um, yeah, is there something wrong with that? Preach!
November 22, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Oh honey, I am the furthest thing from puppies and rainbows, you don’t have to be that kind of blogger for us to “get” you- unless that’s how you want to blog of course!
Remember that last time you said “fuck”?
That was awesome! 🙂
As I said in my last comment, I don’t think anyone meant to discount anything you’d been through, I think they were just trying to express their own opinions by using examples. Everyone perceives and expresses their viewpoints in different ways. At least we’re talking about it and not stifling to fit into a cookie cutter mold.
Which reminds me, I really need to get started in my Christmas baking!
November 23, 2010 at 6:58 am
Yes, I know, I did say fuck. You made me do it! 😉 Thank you for your words, as always. And while I know there were some other opinions expressed, I did feel that my points were discounted because I am happy, which felt a little like a slap in the face. Perhaps unintentionally and I am over it now. Just needed to get it out. Ya know?
November 23, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I don’t believe it! Jolene, you dropped an F-bomb?! I thought I was one of the few with the hopeless potty mouths. All kidding aside, though, I think you’ve created a nice atmosphere with your puppies and rainbows. Sometimes, I wonder if my lack of verbal restraint alienates some, but it doesn’t matter. We all have to take ownership of our own blogs and the personalities we exhibit in them.
On another note. You should never feel like you have to justify how you feel. If you’re happy, and you want to tell the world, then do so proudly…and then you can say “fuck” to any and all who can’t take it!
November 23, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Yes, I know, I have been known to drop the f-bomb on rare occasion 😉 Thank you for your feedback, I like my puppies and rainbows, it’s me, and I will keep at it as much as I can so long as I have something to say. I don’t know why I feel compelled to justify sometimes, maybe I need to investigate that.
November 22, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Your blog is fab, write what you like to write about. It’s all good, loved all the romance of doctor boy, you’ve given me a lot of hope for meeting my own prince.
November 23, 2010 at 6:59 am
thank you Susan, means a lot! I hope you find your “doctor boy” too!
November 23, 2010 at 7:01 am
I don’t think you need to apologize for anything that you’ve written. Your blog, your rules! People are going to disagree sometimes. That doesn’t mean your perspective is wrong, just that it’s DIFFERENT. You need to live your life according to what feels right to you – and to hell with everyone else. heh.
November 23, 2010 at 12:25 pm
thank you, I know you “get” where I am coming from. I am obviously open to others opinions and welcome it, but when it comes down to it, but I just need to remember that ultimately, I am writing for me, and if others don’t agree with my perspective on something, that’s fine.
November 23, 2010 at 7:02 am
Yup. It’s great writing for yourself. Audience changes everything. For me, that’s the beauty of the blog. It’s me, unapologetic.
Big hugs!
November 23, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Audience does change everything and while I do love “having” an audience, sometimes I just need to focus on writing for myself, not to appease an audience, per se.
November 23, 2010 at 8:51 am
I agree, keep writing for YOU! I just ran into this recently too, but amazingly it was for the opposite reason: that I felt criticized for being honest about having a hard time. No matter how you look at it, the blog should always reflect what you want to say, regardless if anyone agrees with it or not. Truthfully Jolene, I thought about you a lot last night, because I talked to my husbands sister (one of my best friends) for the first time in forever due to the situation and heard a bunch of craptastic news and I wished that I could have your outlook on life. You inspire me, keep writing! I need a few puppies and rainbows.
November 23, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Thank you Marisa, that means a lot, and I am glad you get what I mean too. I don’t write to be criticized and if that happens, it happens, but I guess my point is, I shouldn’t take the comments I receive and write towards that audience, necessarily, but based on what I actually think, and if it’s not popular, that’s fine. But it’s my perspective. And thank you for saying I am an inspiration. Means so much. You are inspiring yourself, ya know. You are a risk-taker and I dig it!
November 23, 2010 at 9:23 am
I’ve said it all along, write for YOU! I struggle with that at times too but I’ve found that adding a password sometimes makes that easier. I don’t want to alienate my readers, but there are just some things that I’m not quite ready to get completely out in the open yet.
And I love that you read your Doctor Boy posts over again. I do the same thing! It brings you back instantly to the feelings, the thoughts, and the details of a moment. It’s a wonderful tool!
November 23, 2010 at 12:29 pm
thank you. And I agree, a password would help sometimes (though I have noticed I can actually SEE the content of some password-protected posts – not yours – in my Google Reader, w/out a password! Bad flaw!! Thus why I veer away from it) and otherwise, if I am not comfortable writing about it, I won’t. I just need to remember – be authentic, this is me, I am not hiding it!
November 23, 2010 at 10:34 am
I think you know I approve of this post. Just do you, that’s the best thing you can do.
November 23, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I do know you approve 😉 Thank you for the reminder yesterday too.
November 23, 2010 at 10:39 am
I still think you need to drop an F-bomb now and again.
Just sayin’.
Write for you… so we can know the REAL you.
Love ya.
November 23, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Haha, yes, for you, I will drop the f-bomb more often. Even if that means I am writing for *you* in that sense (just kidding) 😉 XO!!
November 23, 2010 at 2:38 pm
You go sweetie! Oh, and I gave you a Blog Award b/c I love the way you write 🙂
November 23, 2010 at 2:55 pm
thank you and thank you for the blog love!!! Appreciate it 🙂
November 23, 2010 at 10:35 pm
[…] confesses she is a puppies and rainbows blogger. She’s making light of it. The truth is she inspires. Like many of us, her life didn’t […]
December 3, 2010 at 12:03 am
I realize that we haven’t met yet, but I had a feeling that you had a racy side and liked to curse. Just like I’m not all about s-e-x, you aren’t all about puppies and rainbows, right? Thankfully :). xoxo
December 3, 2010 at 3:35 pm
I can’t wait to meet you btw…one day! And yes, I have other non puppy sides 😉