Search Results for 'CBE'


So, I’m not gonna lie.

I’m actually kinda CBE-ed out.

As in, thinking, overthinking, hashing/rehashing, stressing, worrying, wondering, and finally, deciding it was time to end things, that I almost don’t want to write another post on the same topic, but I feel there are some things I still want to say…my post-mortem, if you will.

But, first, a few more details on how I ended things, since I didn’t really get into that too much on my post yesterday (mostly because it was getting to be a really long post, and partially because I wasn’t sure if I’d hear from him again and wanted to capture “the end” in its entirety.

So, of course, I agonized (aka overthought) about how I should broach the topic (phone, email, in-person?), and what I should say (be completely honest, be honest, to a point, or blame it on the distance/not be too honest).ย  Part of me didn’t want to be nitty-gritty honest because I didn’t want to get into a rehashing situation where he might try and persuade me to stick it out, or whatever, but then I realized that if it were me, I’d want honesty, especially since I’m always preaching about how I hate when guys aren’t honest or upfront with things.

So, I went with the honest, but high-level honest approach (not nitty-gritty) calling out the main reasons for wanting to end things (which I mentioned in my post yesterday) and did so by email (since he “hates” the phone, apparently) to get my main points out. I told myself that if he didn’t respond in a couple hours, I’d call him to discuss.

Well, he responded.

With a super long email, completely surprised by my decision. He took blame on the whole distance thing, but sort of made some excuses for a few of the other areas (I won’t go into details here, but part of it felt “too little too late” – if there were other reasons he was doing some of the things he was doing, then why not be upfront then, instead of letting them fester?). He was hoping it wasn’t a “final” decision and asked if I was still open to getting together on Saturday (this Saturday, we had planned to see a comedian locally). I responded, reiterated my points, and that was that. I haven’t heard from him since. Part of me thinks I may, for some reason, but I am not holding my breathe, nor hoping to, either.

Whatdya think of my approach? The response?

Either way, I am feeling so much better today. A weight has been lifted, even though it’s always sad to see something that had potential like that end, but I am hopeful for the future.

~~

And, I must say, all of your feedback (about 20 comments – wow, I feel so special!) was wonderful to read. The resounding message I got?

I deserve better, no more almost/kinda fits, be true to yourself, don’t settle or sell yourself short, trust your gut, and move on with your bad self! (okay, I added that last part, but felt it was warranted).

~~

And one last thing? I’m “pimping” the guest post I did sort of on a whim for Lil Devil Mama for her NEW blog venture – Three Minutes in Heaven.

Hi, I’m a born-again dater. How’s that sound? Pretty cool, next to This is Why I Date(BSF)’s Chronic First Dater, doesn’t it? ๐Ÿ˜‰

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but decided to take it down…because, I think I am finally realizing that maybe this isn’t what I thought it was…the potential seems to have fallen off and if I’m still feeling this wishy-washy ambivalence/wonder/questioning, then that’s probably more than a sign that it may not work out.

I’m actually feeling pretty good right now, about it, but won’t make a firm decision until after my trip…and I’m not going to think about it much while I’m away. I’m going to enjoy my time with BDF, soak in the sun, and enjoy some “me” time.

Uh, where did the weekend go?! Seriously, not only did this weekend fly by, as it was jam-packed with super-fun activities, but my time with CBE flew by extraordinarily fast, faster than normal, which is a bit of a bummer (and, feeling as I was rushing between one activity and the next all weekend, didn’t help matters!).

But before I go on about complaining about time flying, how about I share some details about my weekend time with CBE? ๐Ÿ˜‰

We had a great time – we were both really looking forward to getting together, and it was evident when I walked into his place that he (and I!) was happy our time had finally come. He told me he was really glad to see me, gave me a hug, and well, quite the kiss. It was beyond nice, and exactly what I was hoping for! The comfort level was there from the get-go, too, which I think is just another sign that we’re going in the right direction. I just feel comfortable with him, natural, fun, and normal.

We headed over to his neighbor/friend’s house for a birthday party, and it was fun to meet a few of his friends, and they were very nice, but actually a bit younger than me, and for some reason, I felt young (and CBE is older than me, and he doesn’t feel that way at all, which I guess is a good thing!), but I think part of it was that my shy ways started to resurface a bit when it got crowded as I didn’t know anyone there but CBE, and he was socializing, but also coming over to make sure I was having fun etc. What I think was what was bothering me more was that I just wanted to spend time with him, not spend the whole night at a party…which I guess is just something that comes with the territory of a long-distance relationship, and though we had fun, I was getting tired and just wanted to see him…alone.

I think he figured that out as we left around 10 and went back to his place and got to spend some more time together, and that was just so nice. And, it was just nice to be able to fall into bed and cuddle up, relax, and sleep soundly. It was really nice, and nice to wake up next to him, rested and ready to spend the day together. We went forย  a walk at a really nice lake near his house, with the dogs, and though it was sprinkling a little bit (he gave me his super-warm hoodie to keep warm!), we had a good time, talking, joking and watching the dogs scamper around. We went back to his place and I started to get nostalgic, as I had to leave around 2:30 (to make it back home for a fab cookout with my Group Kick team!) SO FUN tonight!), but he made a delicious lunch of salmon, basmati rice and red pepper stir-fry…it was so good, and I have alwaysalwaysalways wanted a man to cook me dinner, so though it was lunch, it was just so great to watch him cook, help out a bit and experience what it feels like to have a man cook me a meal (Pete used to make dinner and stuff, but never a “romantic” dinner, per se, so it was something I always wanted). So, though our time felt extremely abbreviated this weekend, I am already looking forward to next weekend as we’ll have more time together.

So, all in all, we had a very, very good time together, but I was bummed out a little bit about how short it felt, but we were able to cram in enough activities, fun, and chatter, to make it worthwhile and I am really liking where things are going, the pace at which they are going and well, just him. He’s really great.

~~

…the issue will be trying not to “can’t wait” my way until next weekend and just enjoy the week ahead for what it is, and embrace it. I have a lot to look forward to – including a fab mid-week girls night fun for dinner for Restaurant Week – so I just need to work at making sure I take it one day at a time and not rush till the weekend.

So, yeah, this weekend? Pretty much rocked my socks off…I just got home a little while ago from a wonderful night with CBE, one that is somewhat hard for me to put into words, because, well, it just seemed to “fit” so well – us, our personalities, our moods, everything.

(disclaimer: I’m a little giddy tonight, so if I ramble, you know why.)

I went to his place, about an hour away from mine, yesterday, late afternoon-ish. He has a really nice townhouse, well kept, with just “enough” “guy” clutter around – nothing major, and very clean, otherwise, which I like (clean as a pin strikes me as weird, for a guy, a little bit, so the little bit of clutter looked “normal” to me, despite my “neat as a pin” place of my own!). I brought over a bottle of wine from my favorite Sonoma winery (Fieldstone), and we had a taste of that, and then went out to a casual dinner (and then, I had to purchase a white bra, as I packed only dark colored ones and uh, only light colored tops! He had no qualms about a quick run into Victoria’s Secret, of course!). We went back to his place and watched “Office Space” – my all-time favorite movie that he had NEVER seen before (oddly), and we enjoyed some more of the Fieldstone. It was cozy, it was quiet, and it was nice to just cuddle and enjoy some laughs….the rest of the evening? Well, that’s again up to your imagination, but I will say, it was utter perfection – take that detail however you please ๐Ÿ˜‰

This morning, we woke up late (daylight savings time and all…ha) and lazed around for awhile. Went to a late breakfast at a nearby country club that was delish! And, on the way back to his place, we strolled through Lowe’s so I could take a peek at bistro sets for my patio and he wanted to look at grills (since he is jealous I have one, and he wants to get one too). It was kind of fun to just stroll through the store..sitting on the swings, testing out the patio chairs, and walking around aimlessly. He’s fun, funny, and always has just the right “touch” (quick peck on the cheek, or grasp of the hand) that makes everything light up, no matter what we’re doing (okay, I know, I’m starting to gush, I’ll stop, I promise!). We ended back at his place, talking and lazing around some more before I had to reluctantly head home. On the way out, as we were saying goodbye, he said he had fun at Lowe’s in particular, because we “felt like a couple” – that made me smile, but there’s nothing “set” yet in my mind to define what “we” are and I’m fine with that…in a way, I’d rather he bring it up than me, because I am fine with the pace we’re going and I think I know where it’s headed anyway.

Oh and “live in joy” – well that’s just the inscription on a silvery funky chunky ring CBE gave me randomly (he gets remants of random things from homes he re-opens after they’re foreclosed on, so he got the ring from a recent foreclosure he was listing) – I love the wording and it was just an “on the whim” thing he did that I thought was pretty neat.

So, I like him. A lot. And I feel like it’s the start of something great, and I felt it pretty strongly all weekend. I’m just happy…that it’s going well, that I took the chance and went out with him in the first place, and of course, that it’s going so well.

Oh, and a couple of other signs of “future makings?” He invited me to a party next weekend that he’s going to…to meet his friends. Ack (a good ack!). And, he agreed to do drinks with one of my sisters in a couple of weeks when we go to dinner in Boston for Restaurant Week. Double Ack ๐Ÿ˜‰

…and he just emailed me and said “ I like you and in one way thatโ€™s scary and on the other hand itโ€™s really cool and exactly what I need.”

…and, just like that, the weekend is over. I’m gonna try to ride this happy high as long as I can this week!

(Just re-read this post – I SO RAMBLED! LOL, get a chuckle out of that peeps!)

~~

One more thing? He’s reading “The Secret” – a book my BSF RAVES about (I’m going to borrow it from him) and he quoted something from it today – โ€œTime could stand still, you could do it all dayโ€ – he said it reminds him of us. *Insert cute sigh here**

~~
My horoscope today (Libra) is dead-on! I was planning to come home early-ish and work out and get some stuff done, but I decided to “throw caution to the wind” and say “screw it, I’m staying here longer!” Guess it was in the cards, eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

You could benefit from less scheduling today rather than more. Surprisingly, you’ll accomplish a lot more by going with the flow than by making commitments in advance because you could promise so much that you end up being scattered and inefficient. Instead of trying to plan every moment of your day, just let the currents carry you where they will.

So, clearly I didn’t get a chance to blog about this yesterday – but date #5/6/7 with CBE was, well, pretty awesome. And, different. I’ll get to the different part in a sec, but first, a quick recap.

He came over on Friday (I haven’t gone to his place yet, but that’s probably on tap for next weekend), and was running late after a few last minute work things, but when he walked in, I was really glad to see him, and wasn’t as nervous as I’d been the last couple of times when I first saw him (ya know, the first date jitters stick around for a few dates, I guess, for me!). We went to a late dinner at a super cute tavern near my house (I hadn’t tried this place before, so it was a bit of a gamble, I guess, but it was awesome, great food, great ambiance, and a nice corner booth), and the conversation flowed easily, and we had a great time. It was pretty late when we got home, so we watched a bit of tv, and went to bed (and I’m a lady, so you can use your imagination on this part, mmk?).

Saturday. Gorgeous day here in New England. The sun was shining (after over a week of no sun whatsoever!) and we laid around for awhile, talked, cuddled, and I was the recipient of a lovely massage. Blissful. We made breakfast (he makes great eggs, and hey, I made a mean coffee and toast – ha), he had to make a few phone calls, so we hung out for awhile at the house, and then took the dogs for a walk in a nearby park/beach and let me just tell you, feeling warm sun on my face, holding hands with a great guy and watching the dogs race around the park was just awesome.

I drank it in.

We sat on a bench, watched the waves crash into the shore, and talked…about his divorce (what caused it to end – we hadn’t really talked about the why, just that he made the final decision. Their lives grew apart, it was a marriage of convenience….sad how that can happen sometimes, isn’t it? More to the story, but you get the idea), about what we both value in relationships, etc.

We finished the afternoon by hitting a local butcher shop, getting some really good meat to grill up, and had an early afternoon lunch of steak tips, chicken, salad, and hummus. We smiled, we laughed, it was fun and natural. We cuddled on the couch for awhile longer and then he left as I had a hot date with my girls night crew (which, I might add, was a blast, despite being teased endlessly for the glow-y look on my face – what can I say to that, right?! ๐Ÿ™‚ ). All in all, it was another really good time.

And it is starting to feel different. More real. More substantial. More worth planning for – in terms of planning to get together, future things we want to do together, and those are things I haven’t felt compelled to do or talk about before. It’s always been one day and date at a time, but now, it feels more…right?

Of course, I’m still taking it a step at a time and not rushing, just following my gut, but so far, with CBE, my gut has been right, and I hope that continues. (And damn, I can soooo get lost in those killer blue eyes. He’s earned that title of CBE, 100%!)

Sorry for the rambling post today, hopefully my words are making sense today ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy Sunday!

Well.

That was quite the date.

27 hours of it, in fact!

Yep, you read that right. I just had a 27 hour date with CBE and I’m calling it date #3 (4 and 5-ish) since it was 1) so long and 2) three meals long (so, theoretically, that could be three dates, right?!). Not that the number of dates really matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, but still ๐Ÿ˜‰

It was a wonderful time, and I’m pleasantly surprised! Not that I was going into this date with doubts, necessarily, but like I said in my last few posts on CBE, I just wasn’t sure where it was going. Do I now?

I think I like him.

A lot.

We just meshed really well, we laughed a LOT, it felt natural, and there was always a good flow of conversation. We talked about a lot of things. From our past relationships, to dating lives (his last date was last March, actually, and his last relationship was two years ago), to funny stories from childhood, to vacations we’ve taken (and would still like to take). We talked about each other, what we liked – mentally and physically – and our feelings so far, for each other. It’s a mutual “like” and I like knowing where I stand and knowing that I can be upfront with him where I stand and how I feel too. I don’t feel pressure to jump into anything serious, and I like that we are taking the pace at the same uh, pace, and it feels like the potential is brewing ever so steadily.

And of course, the chemistry continues to be there. He’s quite…attentive? I think that’s a good way of putting it, because he’s just very in touch with making a woman feel wanted and attractive and appreciated. I really like that. He’s not like anyone I have ever dated or had a relationship with in the past. Polar opposite in many ways, physically and personality-wise, but I’m digging it (and damn, those blue eyes are pretty piercing!). And, I may, just may admitted that my sister dubbed him Captain Blue Eyes….to which he blushed, literally, from head to toe. That was one of a few priceless moments of the night.

So, there you have it. While I don’t “know” yet for sure if this is going to flourish into something long-term yet, that’s okay. For now, it feels like it’s on a good, healthy path. From here? Who knows for sure (except that date #4/5/6ish depending on how you count it, is already in the works). And that’s okay with me.

is tonight. Ha- ha, made ya look ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m honestly not sure what we are doing yet – Mr. Spontaneous hasn’t yet decided (I suggested a few options, and he’s mulling them over, apparently) – but I’m looking forward to it, and will update this post later on tonight or tomorrow morning (I know, what a tease, right?)

In other news…tomorrow’s my one year blogoversary! Stay tuned for a fun post on that, and more on date #2 with CBE later. Happy Saturday!

~~~

Okay, the “review” of date #2 – here goes.

Well, I got home at 3 am, if that’s any indication! It was a really good night, to say the least. We ended up going to see Shutter Island, even though I was a little apprehensive because I’m a self-professed wuss when it comes to scary movies (even if it isn’t “scary” by most people’s standards, it’s usually scary to me!), but it was actually not too scary and pretty good, but just VERY long. We had a late dinner, and then had a drink afterwards. He had parked across the parking lot from where I was, so he drove me to my car, and well, let’s just say we proved the “chemistry” part of “chemistry.com correct ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, backing up a little, we had really good conversation, he’s pretty funny, and he laughs at my jokes and dry humor too, so I guess I’m funny too, huh? ๐Ÿ˜‰ He’s polite in the “door opening” sort of way (chivalry isn’t dead!), he’s smart, and he has a pretty good sense of the right touch – as in, a light touch at the lower back walking out of a room, or when I’d get up to use the ladies room, a light squeeze of the shoulder. Nice. I love that stuff, I’m not sure why, I just think it shows a good initial connection, an indicator that there’s a knack for romance in his style (in the future, maybe??), and I don’t know how else to explain it beyond that (and perhaps a little electricity in a touch is a good sign, too!).

So, it was a very good night – even better than I thought. And those eyes…damn, he puts the “blue” in captain blue eyes. Just sayin.

Is learning that being alone is okay.

That being independent is phenomenal.

That ultimately, I don’t *need* a man to be happy.

(so says she, now that she *has* a man.)

I know, that may be what some of you may be thinking. But truly, this year was a struggle with myself in terms of realizing that I need to release, let go, and it will happen (even though I *did* get sick of hearing this). And in the meantime, I can completely enjoy my life, for me, and nobody else.

And I did.

I think I met Doctor Boy at exactly the right time in my life, and in the year, because I firmly believe I needed to struggle through that in-between of wanting to be in a relationship and finding love, while also wanting to sustain my independence and life I’d built for myself. At the time I met Doctor Boy, I had finally released my mind from wanting to find love so badly and I think that really did help me. It helped me see the potential sitting in front of me, and in the time that had lapsed from my last quasi-relationship with CBE, I had my firm list of dealbreakers and dealmakers in mind, and knew that I wanted to keep my life as ‘mine’ as possible while also letting in love.

It’s still a struggle every single day, to be honest, in keeping the balance I want, while also releasing some of that routine that I don’t always need to keep and just enjoying the man – and the life – in front of me.

But I’m proud. Of how far I’ve come, in this second year post-marriage, learning to be “okay” with being alone and ultimately finding someone so special to share in the life I’ve built for myself. It’s been quite a year. And I won’t spend one day not realizing how blessed I am. I know it, appreciate it, and love it.

What are you most proud of this year?

~~
If you only knew what the future holds, after a hurricane comes a rainbow…maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed, so you can open one that leads you to the perfect road…

I’ve had an epiphany.

This is the first time I have not overthought once about things with Doctor Boy.

Not once.

And that’s huge for me, I mean, I *am* the self-appointed president and founder of Overthinkers Anonymous, and in every past dating or quasi-relationship, I overthought everything. Like whoa. From going on second dates after “eh” first dates, to pondering wtf was going on with CBE and his weirdness (see some posts on that here, here, here, here and here!). I look back through a lot of my dating forays and I think I have an overthinking moment with almost – if not all – of them.

But with Doctor Boy, I haven’t given any decision or choice a second thought.

It’s all felt natural.

It’s all felt like the right thing to do.

It’s all felt at the right pace (not too fast, not too slow).

It’s all felt right.

And that, folks, is my epiphany, and I think it’s something to consider for anyone that tends to second guess themselves (um, all of us, I would imagine, at some point or another!) when they’re dating someone. I feel like I can be honest and upfront with him about everything, and I feel like I can go at my own pace, we both can. I give him the space and time he needs, and he gives me mine. We see each other at least once during the week, and then a night or sometimes two on the weekend, but we still have a healthy balance of “me,” friend, family and “us” time and I think that’s so important.

Being comfortable enough to do that is huge. Simply put, it’s right where I’m meant to be.

~~

Writing this post has sparked a few ideas for me, such as going back to some of my older posts, particularly my mini-series on re-learning. I actually think a lot of that re-learning has happened so naturally, I wonder if it’s something I thought would be something I’d be more aware of than just happening naturally.

Hmm. Something to ponder (but not to overthink…!)

As things continue to progress and grow with Doctor Boy…feelings, happiness, potential, plans (and swoonage, of course), I’ve started to observe more and more how I feel when I am with him…and when I am without him.

Am I adjusting to having him around and adjusting my own routine to accommodate him?

Or adjusting to wanting to share my routine with him (not so much adjust FOR it but to it, happily so)?

I think right now, it’s a bit of both. It’s nowhere near the way I felt with CBE, where it was very difficult for me to adjust my routine – a routine that I’ve become so accustomed to the last two years (and probably too accustomed to, to be honest!). I want to spend time with him. I want to go to social outings with him (on our own and with friends – his and min). I want to wake up next to him. And I want to see him.

So, in a way, I feel like I’m adjusting to wanting that.

I’ve never 100% allowed myself that…or wanted to allow myself that before.

So, I’m also adjusting to myself (does that make any sense?!).

And it’s a little scary.

But the good kind of scary.

It’s that phase at the beginning of something blossoming where you’re still figuring each other out, but laughing along the way, at the quirks, their routines, their moods, likes, dislikes, interests, tendencies. It’s hard to keep track of those details sometimes, and I need to remind myself to observe (I distinctly recall T advising this to me – thank you!)…my reactions, my feelings, my emotions, but also his reactions, feelings and emotions.

Adjusting…

To me, that word usually has such a negative connotation for some reason, but I think that’s partially because I’ve had to make so many adjustments in my life since getting divorced that I think of it as change (in a bad way…and let’s face it, I’m a creature of habit!) but when it’s voluntary adjustment, especially for something that seems as special as what is brewing with Doctor Boy? Yeah, I think I can handle that sort of adjustment.

Swoon.

~~

It’s been another whirlwind of a weekend, some of which I spent with Doctor Boy, and the more time we spend together, the more I want to spend time with him. He makes me smile, he makes me feel special, he makes me want to be me and nothing BUT me. I don’t feel like I need to hide my quirks, goofy side, moods, or feelings. I dig that. Like whoa.

~~

And as an update – my sister Jen is still in the hospital. And until I heard her voice tonight, I didn’t realize how much it had been weighing on me.

I’ve been so busy and she hasn’t been able to communicate much (and my mom has been bedside with her 24/7, without much time to communicate updates either), so I’ve just been praying and hoping. And then, when she called, I felt a sudden rush of relief. Her voice. She sounded so much better. I had last spoken to her on Saturday after the half-marathon, and it was teary, and she was emotional and worn down, and that affected me so much.

I’m praying, and know God is giving her strength and perserverence, as is Isabel. I can hear the love for her emanate from Jen…it’s so powerful and brings such a grin to my face. Love between a mother and daughter. My sister is a mom.

And she loves that baby fiercely.

I am so proud. The emotions just come.Tears. Pride. Joy. Love. Faith.

I love you sis, and I love you Isabel, and I know you will get through this together.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. XO.