How many times do you have to hear:

“you’ll find it when you’re not looking for it”

or

“everything happens for a reason”

before you want to just shake everyone who says it and say “but that’s not good enough?”

Sometimes, it’s exactly what I want and need to hear, other times, it feels like a “placeholder” comment when there is nothing else to say or no other advice but to “wait it out” and sometimes these statements tend to feel empty. And other times still, it’s a comment to something I’ve said IRL or blogged about in a completely humorous or funny way (last night’s post is a great example of a post fully intending to be funny, not serious, and I loved all the comments and feedback, you guys rock!) and I still get those types of comments sometimes and wonder if I just come off the wrong way.

While I completely and utterly believe these statements – I really do – I also think that said too often, or just tossed in “for good measure” tends to get old. Fast. As if I haven’t heard it before, as if I don’t believe it, as if I don’t blog about it (quite!) often. Now, I hope this isn’t coming across as a rant, because I don’t mean it to be whatsoever.

I am thankful to be blessed with a family of IRL friends and family and blog friends that I really couldn’t ask for more. It’s just something I’ve picked up on (and in part as part of a very funny Facebook convo I had last night!) and become much more aware of it. After hearing it so often, maybe I’m just hypersensitive to it to the point that it feels like an insult once in awhile. As in “no duh. I get it. I know it will happen when I least expect it, but can’t I still want for it, or think about it, or talk about it? Is that okay?”

It’s ironic to me that this post idea popped into my head in the last few days considering that my dating life really isn’t at the top of my mind at the moment. I’m not even really harping on it in my head, I’m trying to release as much as possible, and well, I’m just busy enjoying my summer, and that’s clearly helping too…but I think this topic and these statements are universal to a lot of situations – to loss of job, to divorce, to break-ups, to friendship woes, to financial strains, and yea, to finding love…but I hope anyone reading this actually can relate and agrees…am I off-base? Am I being too sensitive?

**To be honest, I actually had this idea for a post to be completely humorous, because I know there are many cliches that everyone says and hears all the time and it becomes a running joke, but this turned into a post that I ended up thinking more and more about…and the more I think about it, the more the worrier in me wonders if anyone will even “get” what I mean. I hope you do. It’s just an observation. It’s definitely NOT meant at anyone, as I would never, ever blog on something that should be spoken directly to someone if that were the case. So, after reading, I hope you still love me, friends!**

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As yet another glorious weekend starts coming to a close, I’ve been re-reading some of the great advice from all of you, after I posed the question “what’s the best advice you ever got?” and I thought I’d reflect on some of these today.

From Ronda:

You will grow into some friends and out of others, and that’s alright. – A thousand times yes to this one. I’ve quite recently experienced just this – growing out of friendships – and it IS okay, and far too many hold on to friends that aren’t quite friends to them in return, that are more work than fun, and are no longer mutually satisfying. I say, purge those poisonous friendships!

From Magnolia:

Don’t ignore your problems, but just keep walking through them. you don’t have a choice; you either keep moving, or you die. – I learn this lesson quite often actually…I tend to ignore issues or problems that will result in confrontation and while I’ve gotten better at it, sometimes it just feels easier to push it out of my mind and it’ll ‘go away.’ Uh, notsofast. So, I am making more of a conscious effort to face my problems head on and find resolutions so I can keep walking forward.

From IntrigueMe:

Pick your battles. – wow, I need to keep this one posted to my forehead, like whoa! I let stuff nag at me and bug me to no end, when usually it is just that – little, insignificant, nothing, really – and it totally ruins my mood, distracts me, or if it’s a battle that I end up fighting and it would have been better to walk away from, I come to realize that only after, and that is almost as frustrating as letting the little things bug me in the first place. Wow, that was a ramble, hope you followed along 😉

From verybadcat:

All you can do is play the hand you’re dealt the best way you know how. – Exactly. You can’t always change the crappy hand you get, but you can face it, and know that if you can get through it, the next hand might be just that much better. Here’s to hoping.

From Nicki:

Wherever you are, that is where you are supposed to be. – This one gives me chills. This is one I need to think of and truly seer into my memory when I am having a pity party day. This is something I need to remember that love is out there for me. This is just what I need as my motto.

So, thank you my friends, for some fantastic advice. I enjoyed each one, and I hope you did too.

~~~

It’s been a great weekend, folks, with rockclimbing a huge success (and uh, a super cute guy instructing us – be still my heart…of course I didn’t have the balls guts to figure out if he was single, but hey, if HE were actually interested, he could find my number. Just sayin.), and some fun in the sun, all mixed in with much-needed relaxation, a smidge of shopping (and packing) for the Cathe Road Trip coming up this Thursday – Sunday (and I am SO EXCITED it’s not even funny…) to round out my weekend. Hope your weekends were filled with fun and laughter.

PS – I changed my header pic – this is the lake, on that early morning in July before we drove home…love how it looks!

As I sit here, upta camp, basking in the glow of my last hours of bliss, before returning home to reality, the daily grind and routine (some of which I embrace and some of which I do not!), I am casting a question to you all – inspired by something I saw Andrea Sytrash tweet about earlier today, asking:

“what’s the best advice you ever got?”

My immediate response was this:

Love is worth risking pain for (or something to that effect).

I’m not even sure where I got that advice, or if it is truly the “best” advice, but it was my gut reaction and I stand by it – love is worth risking and chancing for! So what if you get hurt, that’s less of a risk than never leaping for it in the first place.

So I ask you – what is the best advice you ever got?

I’ll probably post a follow-on to this once I get some feedback as well.

*back tomorrow with a recap of this glorious vaca…back to basking in serenity.

Okay, I’m totally going to sound like a hypocrite based on my post last night, to today’s post. Buuuut, this IS good advice! I just came across an article (originally in Glamour) on dating advice from Michelle Obama. Now, while I may not agree with a lot of what the Obama administration is doing, I really DO like the advice (also posted to one of my fave new blogs to follow – Sex, Lies, and Dating in the City):

“Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. [original source: Glamour]

Bottom line – I SHOULD always feel good and valued and respected in a relationship, and that is another one of the things I want in a relationship (see, I’m tying in a few posts from this week…how clever am I?). So, while I do doubt my actions sometimes, or how I work through these first dates and stuff like that, I know that deep down, it’ll happen to me when it’s supposed to, not out of force, or not because I listened to anyone else but myself. I also love the last line of advice – which, sadly, more people do NOT heed – don’t get married if it’s not working already. Plain and simple. Not that I feel I did that, but I know I will NEVER do that (marry when it’s not working anyway), because regret is a horrible, irreversible feeling.

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teaser alert…ask me about the Russian tomorrow.

**Disclaimer alert – please, please don’t take this the wrong way – any of my friends, any of my family, any of my blogger friends**

So, I’ve learned a lot about myself as I am fully, 100% entrenched in the dating world, and am finding that a lot of this is really trial and error, fits and starts (LOTS of those, clearly!), and that I really just need to follow my heart and my gut. Why am I coming to this conclusion now? Because I think part of my massive overthinking on the whole dating thing is partially because I am constantly getting advice (MOST of it solicited and ALL of it wanted, don’t worry!!) from my family, friends and my blogger friends – do this, don’t do that, maybe you should try this. And while I love all of the advice and perspective everyone has (especially those that have been around the dating blog a lot!), I think it sometimes muddles my thoughts and/or actions, and I either end up overthinking a certain dating situation or overworking it in my head!

So, my advice to myself? Don’t “take” any advice, just follow my gut (and my heart). I need to get back to keeping it simple and doing the dating “thing” how I want and no other way. And not to say I haven’t done that anyway, but I’ve definitely allowed – and quite often, leaned on – advice to make my decision on certain situations. Now I don’t know if that’s right or wrong, but I think at this point, I’ve been out with six men (one twice!) and feel like I’ve gotten enough experience under my belt to “go it alone” and just follow what I think is the way to go.

Again, friends/family/blogger friends – PLEASE continue sharing your thoughts on the dating shenanigans that is me. I love it, I look forward to it, and sometimes, I need it more than you know. I may not follow the advice I get all the time, but I do listen, and I do love it (okay double disclaimer done!).

So…here goes project KISS (ha – double entendre!) – Keep it simple, stupid! Let’s see how this works 😉

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PS – my female blogger friends – anyone considering going to the BlogHer conference in NYC next February? I am seriously considering going, and would LOVE to see you there, if you’re going!!