So, I’ve been here a total of two days (give or take) and haven’t had a ton of time to do much besides work (and kick ass at a presentation – we rocked it, thankyouverymuch!), but have a few parting thoughts on my adventures leading into Bloggers in Sin City (check out that attendee list; getting there this evening, and can barely sit still!).

  • Room service rocks. Seriously. It’s the first time I’ve ever had room service (I know, probably crazy that I haven’t before, right? But it was exactly what I needed to unwind last night after my meetings. Check out the super tasty fruit plate I got for dessert (to go with my glass of wine of course, which oddly enough, cost less than the water I ordered to the tune of $9. oops)
  • I wussed out on the dinner alone. Maybe tonight before I take off for Vegas? We’ll see… I guess that means there’s still plenty of growth for me in this alone-ness department (not that I’m not surprised) and if I had more time here, I would have and should have done some sight-seeing. But, I think I’ll be back out this way in another month or so, so all good, right?
  • There are way too many cute boys at the airport and on flights. What’s up with that? Why can’t you be places that are easier to strike up a convo, than 15 rows ahead of me on JetBlue, or crossing ways in the airport? Help me out here, guys!
  • It’s been oddly enjoyable being on my own the last 24 hours as the rest of my team flew home yesterday. I’ve enjoyed the solace, I’ll tackle the cab to San Fran solo (not my favorite thing, but I’ve adjusted! I’m all grown up now! ha), and maneuver between airports (San Fran, then Long Beach, and finally Vegas!)
  • I’m really looking forward to BISC this week in Vegas and meeting new people, and continuing this thing called getting-out-of-my-shell. Sometimes it’s easy to just stick with what you know, and who you know, rather than branching out, and though I’ll be rooming with some soon-to-be-fab-blog friends (yay!!) and my BSF, my goal is to introduce myself to people, learn a lot, laugh a lot, and have a damn good time.

There were a few other points I wanted to make with this post that I thought about as I drifted off to sleep last night (quite peacefully, I might add, without my kitties waking me up all night!), but alas, I can’t remember them. If I do, I’ll update this post.

Now, onward to VEGAS !!

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Also, check out this post from Mandy, she makes some GREAT points about money, and grappling with one income vs. two after divorce. It’s a good read, really hits home after my blog on being broke the other day, and doesn’t just necessarily relate to those that have gone through divorce. She sums it up greatly here: “I think my life is 80 percent richer and 20 percent poorer for being more mindful about money.” AMEN sista.

It’s been a fantastic Thanksgiving/long weekend and I have no complaints…yet, I have had no plans at night on Thursday (well, it WAS Thanksgiving after all!), Friday, or Saturday night. And I was completely okay with that!

I thought I might have date #2 with boy #9 over the weekend, but didn’t (we actually have plans tonight…stay tuned for deets on that tomorrow!), so I actually really just enjoyed being home, catching up on sleep (MUCH needed from the past two weeks, with my trip to San Jose and some late nights), and having a couple of glasses of wine. The idea of a whole weekend without evening plans used to scare the crap out of me (even as recently as September, I was having trouble coping with being alone), and make me feel like a loser, so I’ve tended to try to fill my weekends as much as possible over the last year for that very reason (and of course, to be social!), but I embraced this weekend as much as possible.

Admittedly, being by myself much of the weekend made my mind wander to the dating pool and when I’ll find someone that moves beyond a few dates to something more substantial, but I know that will come in time, and it’s not something I should rush, worry about or get down about (gave myself a mental pep talk – blog, aren’t you proud?!). So, all in all, it was time well spent, and I’m looking forward to rounding out the weekend with boy #9…we’ll see how it goes.

The second part of my SinceMyDivorce blog posted this morning and I love the juxtaposition between the two – from being completely petrified of living alone, to relishing the quiet moments by myself. It’s truly been an evolutionary process and I can now take solace in being alone. It’s funny, because this week has been insane and I have barely been home, yet I am anxious to be home so I can regroup (and um, PACK!). I feel out of whack when I don’t have some time to myself – funny how that changes!!

Here’s a good excerpt:

How did I get to like being alone? It was just an evolution of being forced to do it. My family and friends have been extremely supportive throughout my divorce and anytime I didn’t want to be alone I would always have somebody available for company. Nobody ever got into bashing my ex or our relationship. They were just there to support me.

Once I wasn’t so afraid of it anymore I realized that it felt more empowering and I liked having control over what I was doing and not relying on somebody else. I remember coming home once, I was supposed to have plans but they’d fallen through so I was bummed out about it. Then I thought, ‘You know, this isn’t so bad. I’m just going to have a glass of wine and I’m going to watch a movie by myself.’ It was great.

I must say talking about my experience with Mandy was so great. I am so used to just writing about it, for the most part, or talking about it with friends or family that know the situation, so it was sort of enlightening to talk through it all with someone who didn’t. For any of your divorcees out there (or soon-to-be), I encourage you to speak with Mandy, and share your story as well!!

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on a side note – I had a REALLY good date last night! I guess this must be what, boy #7 at this point? I can’t keep track of them all – a few of them fell off before turning into actual dates for various reasons, so I’ve only technically been on four dates (with four different guys!) and I joke that I’m at the date #1 curse…but am hopeful this will turn into date #2…stay tuned!

feeling alone but not because I AM alone in this. Yesterday’s post sparked some comments (on the blog and off) and I wanted to clarify a few things that maybe I wasn’t articulating very well yesterday, but after 24 hours, feel a little more clear-headed about it.

During the fun-filled wine-o-weekend on the cape, I throughly enjoyed spending time with two amazing couples that have shown strength in many ways – different ways – but many ways – and I think that’s one small part of what made me feel alone, and not because they did anything whatsoever, but just experiencing them in their everyday life (72 hours can be telling! In a good way!) – how much they love each other, respect each other, and have overcome their own relationship obstacles. We talked a lot and I learned a lot about them that I maybe hadn’t even realized they had gone through, or their fears, and I MISS having someone that I know that no matter what, I’ll go through everything together with this person, and have that fallback person in my life that will be there to support me, love me, hold me, and just BE there for me. I know that person will appear in my life at some point, but the unknown – the being single for almost a year part – starts to get to me sometimes. I just want to scream out – someone hug me or kiss me or hold me! Please! (wow, if I really said that out loud in a crowded room, I’d *probably* get some stares, huh?!). But then, I think, I don’t want just ANYONE to do that – clearly – but I know I want that, and I want that relatively soon, so hopefully it will happen for me…

…but on the flip side, I know I am NOT alone because I have a fantastic family and great friends that will “hug” and “kiss” me in their own ways – just by supporting me and spending time with me. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what really matters the most? Men may come and go, but friends and family – they’re a lifetime comittment in my book. And THAT my friends, makes me feel a whole lot LESS alone.

Phew…it’s been one hell of a rollercoaster of emotions weekend. I am just back from the Cape and had an amazing time with good friends and family, and am so thankful this weekend coincided with the divorce.

However, at the same time, my emotions were all over the place. After the divorce proceedings on Friday, I got a call from my real estate agent with some semi-good semi-bad news about the second mortgage holder and their decision regarding the short sale. They agreed (the semi-good news) but on the condition that we pay $12,000 at closing (the semi-bad news), which is the end of this month. Ack. We’re trying to get that number down, but it was sort of the nail in the coffin for how I was feeling after court that morning.

Then, this weekend, I had SO much fun. We drank, we ate, we laughed, we vegged. We talked about marriage and divorce and what I’ve gone through, and it was sort of good to talk about it more, and hear others’ perspectives 1 on 1. But today, I suddenly felt alone. Very alone. I’m not sure why, because I am not lonely, really, but it was the first time I realized that this is just me now, it’s not us, it’s me. I know it’s been just me for almost a year, but now that the divorce is final, I really felt it. And I know I’ll go through that feeling of alone-ness on and off and I just need to let myself feel it…because after I felt it and just thought through it, I felt better and not so alone anymore.

And I know I’ll get through the rest of the house sale and moving into my new place…and I’ll move on from feeling alone, but I just have to remember that this is a process, it’s my life, and I’ve faced a lot, so I can do this. I got this. Just need to remind myself sometimes.

Capping off a fantastic week off in Maine – I went from sheer jubilation and bliss to sort of a downer night/day and I thought this quote was particularly appropriate because, life is truly all about making lemonade out of lemons, isn’t it?! Without further ado

“The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.”

This is one of my mantras and I try to seer this into my brain as much as possible – because it’s not about having EVERYTHING – love, money, career etc., all going well simultaneously necessarily – it’s about making the best out of what you have, and what is going WELL in your life, to balance out what may not be going so well.

So, as you know, I had a fantastic vacation with my family and got to just think, relax, and BE, largely uninterupted in sheer bliss for much of the week. Then, coming home yesterday, I was excited at the prospect of a date (date #2 with match.com boy #1 – seeing if there was any chemistry), but promptly got stood up! Still haven’t heard from him! So, I got a little bummed out, and felt lonely, since I’d been around people all week, and suddenly, was alone, date-less. But, I did my best to pull myself out of the mini-funk, and watched “Definitely, Maybe” – great movie (and Ryan Reynolds makes being divorced pretty darn attractive if you ask me – LOL) with a glass of wine (and went spinning, got rid of some of that annoyance too!). I was still sort of in a funk today – maybe it was the vaca wind-down sadness – but took the time to read, cuddle with my kitties, and get my hair cut, and feel much better (and cuter LOL) 🙂

And tonight? Girls night out – hitting another restaurant for Restaurant Week here in Boston, and for drinks with a couple of friends. Guaranteed to be a good time 🙂  So my advice to myself, and to anyone else out there who’s feeling in the dumps – make the best of what you have, and the rest will catch up. Be happy – no sense being down all the time, IMHO!

Cheers!

Ahhh silence. Fresh air. Kitties curled up next to me. Gentle summer evening breeze coming through the window. This is me embracing a change in plans for tonight. I was supposed to have date #2 with match.com boy #1 but his aunt passed away, so we are rescheduling for later this week or next. I hadn’t heard from him in two days, so I figured something was up (not that I was happy he had a death in the family – not at all!). So, I have zero plans tonight, which is good, because I went out last night with friends for Restaurant Week (SO fun) and tomorrow, I have dinner plans with a friend, so a three night stretch was a bit much for me, even though I am loving being a social butterfly 😉

So, I’m sitting here, enjoying the peace and quiet, doing girlie things (like a face mask! LOL!) and catching up on my blogs and reading a new book. It feels good. And, as I have lamented in the past, such a new thing for me to be embracing being alone in the house, with nobody to talk to. Loving. Every. Minute.

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On a separate note – haven’t heard back from match.com boy #2 since last Thursday, when he called me before he went away for a long weekend with friends. I emailed him Monday morning and gave him a call last night, and nada. Not a peep. Wondering what’s up….I mean, if he changed his mind and isn’t interested anymore, just say something. Please. We aren’t in 5th grade people 😉 I can take it!