Well, this is it.

My very last post for To Be Determined.

After today, I am going to dedicate my time to my “evolved” blog and though I am looking forward to it, I am nostalgic as I wish I could take this “home” with me to my new home. But for now, I will just visit it every so often, look back at the almost-three years worth of blog posts on my life and what I’ve accomplished.

It almost brings tears to my eyes to think back at where I began to where I am now. I never want to let her go…that scared, fragile, heart-broken, weak, sad and sometimes angry person I was…because I learned so much from her, and how I could turn those negative characteristics and emotions into strength, resilience, perserverence, happiness, and a (usually) abounding sense of perspective.

I’m proud of her ,and who she’s become. And while I am letting her go in favor of the me I am now, she has shaped me into who I am today. I’m damn proud. I don’t care if this post sounds a bit indulgent…I know it probably does, but after getting through the difficulties of divorce and all of the baggage that comes with it (poor finances, loss of a house, lack of confidence, sadness and loss), I’m not her anymore.

I’m me…renewed.

And I thank you all for joining me in my journey and allowing me to share in yours. Cheers, friends.

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

~~

*If you would like to follow my new blog, simply leave me a comment here and I will email you the link*

So, I’ve taken the plunge and started my new blog and will begin transitioning to that one, from here.

But it begs the question…where do I go from here?

I still have so much to say and some posts I want to post here, before completely transitioning over.

Part of me is sad to say goodbye to this blog, as it’s been my haven for going-on three years now (wow!).

Part of me is overwhelmed by how much groundwork I need to re-lay on my story.

And part of me wonders how much of that story I should include on that blog (since I am starting from scratch and not carrying any of my posts from here to that blog, for obvious anonymity reasons!), and how much I should just let trickle out as time goes on, given my readership will my “family” of readers until I can re-build up a new following.

But the bottom line is this: I’m ready for the evolution.

As there is so much more I want to say, and so much I have not disclosed here, that I feel I can better in my new “home.”

I plan to do a few more posts here, at least, including a look back at my year, some of my favorite posts, and of course, a closing post to make sure anyone that didn’t see my post a couple weeks ago about my decision to change my blog, will know now.

Thank you for all of your support and comments and enthusiasm towards my decision, here, and in my new “home” and hopefully I can get my thoughts together to do a few good posts coming up soon (as right now, I feel far too overwhelmed…change afoot everywhere, but all good changes, of course).

So, it’s Sunday, and the weekend has literally flown by in the blink of an eye, so pardon my random musings, but this is what’s swirling around in my brain presently:

  • Okay, sooo now what? I’ve declared that I am transitioning my blog to more of an anonymous one, so where do I start? Anyone have any pointers on how they slowly transitioned until this one became “retired” and the new one became the everyday blog? I don’t want to lose all of the content here and plan to shift it all over, but any advice supremely appreciated 🙂
  • Speaking of that post, I’m blown away by the response. More than 40 comments, private emails and Facebook messages noting support, love, and appreciation for my blog. Wow, I never imagined, almost two years ago when I started this blog, that so many could identify with what I have to say, and my experiences, and my journey. I thank you all for continuing to share this with me. It means more than you could know.
  • It’s also one of those times where I wish this blog was private, as there is so much I want to share right now that I just can’t. Soon enough, I will. And know that it’s a sign of good things to come. I hope.
  • Vegas, anyone?! Seems Doctor Boy and I may be headed to Vegas in June! Who’s in for a lil bloggy reunion of sorts?! Mini Bloggers in Sin City style, except on a smaller scale?! I’ve emailed a few of you, but if you’re interested, for sure let me know, as I’d seriously love to do it up in Vegas!! So fun.
  • I love seeing this bloggy circle expanding…from those I read every day and seeing other bloggy friends start reading each other’s posts and commenting. It feels like we’re expanding and I love it! I love seeing the exchanges (since I subscribe to all comments on the blogs I comment on!). It warms my heart. Does anyone else get that way?
  • For those of you in colder climates…does anyone else have NO tolerance for this cold weather? It’s not even winter yet, and I’m at my wits end. I can’t handle it. I go outside and feel slapped in the face with cold, as if I’m surprised it’s so cold out. WTF? I think Mexico has to be in my future or I just might not make it through the winter. Just sayin.
  • I still am not used to feeling so loved. Doctor Boy gets more amazing by the day. He’s so thoughtful, genuine, loving, happy, driven, funny, laid back (I can learn from that, seriously. I need to let go of routine just a little bit more sometimes!). And he loves me. Who knew?! Swoon.

See. A lot swirling through my brain, mostly good, bloggy-related thoughts. It’s Sunday. I hope to enjoy the rest of it at Doctor Boy’s house, over a good movie, the couch and dinner cooked in.

Enjoy the res of it, friends!

 

To think about the next phase of my blog.

And moving it.

To a new, anonymous blog.

I never thought I would see the day that I’d decide this is what I want to do, but for now, I think it is.

I find that more and more I censor some of what I say, or avoid topics altogether.

And the purpose of this blog is to be transparent with what I’m feeling and experiencing and while the majority of my posts do bare that, not all of them do.

So, in the next month or so (or less, if I can swing it sooner), I’m going to start investigating some options to transition this blog into a new one. With a new name, a new look, and reflecting the “me” I am today.

I think the hardest part is coming up with a new blog name (and knowing I will lose some followers for awhile, but hopefully will build up the new soon enough!), but I have a few good candidates in mind and can’t wait to get started on this new blog journey.

What I will need from you, friends, is to let me know if you would like to follow my new blog, so if you do, just comment here and when the new one is ready, I will email it to you separately, and for now, will continue blogging here as always, until I pull the trigger 🙂

I think it’s time.

Don’t you?

(Thanks T and IntrigueMe for prodding me along to go for it)

…you need to bloom where you are planted (even if it’s not where you want to be planted all the time).

…you need to embrace contentment (and not just look around the corner for the next challenge, level, etc).

…you need to realize the good friendships vs. the toxic ones. embrace the good ones. tightly.

…that it’s the little things. like a phone call “to hear my voice” (swoon) or a skype chat with a bloggy bestie 🙂

…to take it one day at a time, not one week, or one month. stop ‘can’t wait-ing’ and just live.

…that differences of opinion aren’t always bad, they’re just a new way of thinking.

…that a picture of your niece can make the difference between a “meh” Monday and a better one.

…that the warmth in your heart – that overwhelming warmth – is love, love you haven’t felt in years.

…that prayer is powerful, as is faith, and if you can believe, you can conquer.

…that a good ab workout can make you feel taller.

…that silence isn’t always a bad thing.

and that getting through the day is sometimes ok, too, rather than loving it (since let’s face it, we can’t always have a good day, right?).

And that sometimes, just sometimes, life can feel pretty damn good, even with bumps and bruises along the way. It’s what makes us who we are, stronger, better, happier, more resilient and more appreciative of life’s blessings.

Sometimes. You just need to put pen to paper and see it. Believe it. Life’s good. Life’s very, very good.

Who *am* I?

It’s so tough to capture “me” in words (sort of like writing about what you look for in a mate on match.com or any other dating site!) because while I know who I am, defining myself for the purposes of this blog has been really hard to wrap my head around.

Probably because I’ve changed a lot since I first put pen to paper blog a year and a half ago (February 2009) and 600 posts later.

But, here goes, my take on “who I am”  –

I’m 31 and divorced (almost) two years counting. But that doesn’t define me (anymore).

I started this blog in February 2009 with the goal of chronicling my pending divorce (which occurred on September 11, 2009, after being separated since October 2008), and since then, it has morphed into my haven. For sharing my thoughts on what has gotten me through divorce, my mantra for choosing happiness, gaining (and keeping) perspective on life, challenges, self, and love, as well as my two-year journey towards finding love (again). This is my story, picking up the pieces of my heart, redefining myself, shaping my life into what it is today, and determining what it is I want in a relationship and a man.

I am happy, strong, confident, motivated, self-aware and willing to take chances. Why? Because life is too short for regrets and what’if’s. This is my life. Determined.

To Be Determined. I’ve conquered the sadness and pain, determined to move forward. To Be Determined…my life, anew. Now? To Be Determined, where will I go next? TBD…

(note: some helpful links to read my backstory can be found here or under “some of my favorites” where I include a series on the beginning of the end of my marriage.

What do you think?

After so many comments on my blog posts the last two days (here and here), and my own frustration over feeling misunderstood, and in a sense, judged, I thought I needed clarity.

But I don’t.

After sleeping on it, and realizing that a) everyone has an opinion and it may not be the same as mine and b) I am choosing happiness whenever I can, because it works for me (doesn’t mean it’ll work for you), and c) I’m blessed to have so many people actually reading and engaging in my blog.

It means much more than I ever thought possible.

So, thank you, for all of your comments, whether I agreed with them or not. They gave me food for thought, and even though I did feel the need to justify myself, in a sense, with parts of yesterday’s post, I stand by my view – happiness is a choice – for me.

~~

On the note of blogs, a few that made me beam today?

First, my sister Jen’s latest installment of her blog posts recapping her ordeal after my niece Isabel’s birth. It’s a touching read, and I feel so blessed and grateful that things are getting back to (a new) normal, and that I have been able to play a part in helping my sister recover and spend some invaluable time with my niece, who I love dearly.

Second, T’s post on ‘everyone deserves to feel beautiful AND worth it.” Amen to that, and it’s a beautiful poem.

Third, Use Your Words Mommy’s post that mentions my story as part of her inspiration that love IS out there again. Wow, I really never thought I’d be “that” person that others would look towards as an example that it can happen. Finding love. I was that person, looking for it, and seeing beautiful love stories (like Sunshine and CGB – congrats you two, two years strong!) helped me when I doubted it would happen for me.

And finally, Soccer Mom’s “award” which included me and Magnolia’s beautiful words, wow, just wow – thank you – you made my day!