Wow. Two days since I have blogged. I guess I didn’t realize I’d be as busy as I was in San Jose, but I was. And I feel so very behind in my bloggy reads, and my own blogging.

I’m feeling busy – like, whoa (see, I knew I’d tie in that blog title somehow!) – and a little all over the place – again – so, I bring to you, my random musings and updates du jour:

…I was amazed at how many comments and thoughts my blog on Sunday elicited. And, to be honest, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the possibilities that lie ahead. I hope to make one of these ideas come to fruition in my quest for simplicity and change.

…Nala is improving! I was really nervous to leave her for my trip, but she had great care (thanks to mom and Jess/Scott!) and the medicine seems to be helping. She’ll be on it for another week and then we’ll go from there, I think. Thanks for all of your support, concern, and kitty prayers. They’re working.

…not much new in the world o’ dating at the moment (goes back to being busy ‘like whoa’ partially). Southern Boy is still around, sort of, but his schedule isn’t quite jiving with mine, we’ve both been traveling, and as I mentioned in a previous post,  I’m not sure what he’s “in it for” – casual dating or longer term. If he’s out for something strictly more casual, then perhaps not meant to continue, but we’ll see. Door’s still hanging open at the moment. Few other prospects in Chemistry.com (which is still such a disappointment to me!) and OKC…but nothing to write home about…yet. 😉

…I ran my longest run on Saturday – about 6 1/2 or 7 miles – go me!! I’m slowly starting to increase my runs since the Wicked Half is just a couple of months away (eek!), and I’m feeling good, day by day. I’m running a 5K tomorrow as well, good race practice.

…what else? Oh, things with me and Pete continue to go well, and I’m constantly reminded at how well we just “get” each other, and get along. This is what was meant to be, between us, and I’m glad. Looking forward to dinner tonight with him, to catch up (belated birthday dinner, in a sense, as well, as his 30th birthday was on Sunday).

that’s about all I got today folks – just some random one-off updates…happy reading, if I haven’t put you to sleep with my ramblings today 😉

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Lately, I’ve more and more felt like I’m facing a crossroad – on the verge of change, and sometimes it feels scary, and sometimes it feels like the next natural step for me.

Sure, that sounds vague, but it’s something that’s been building within me, as I’ve felt stagnant at times, and like my learnings and growth are slowing. And yes, that’s a natural progression as I continue to forge beyond divorce and starting the “year of me” anew, but I want to keep learning BIG, get out of my comfort zone and face major change, challenge, and strength. While I won’t allude to anything specific, I’m sure some of you may be able to read between the lines a little bit. And there’s no definite crossroad in my path at the moment, but I’ve officially decided that I want change, and part of me craves it. Something I never before felt, or would want to stare down. Funny how things change, huh?

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I think new fitness challenges like Group Kick has been huge for me, in terms of facing a mega challenge head on. It’s still something I battle with, but I want it – almost more than anything (at least anything recently!). This morning’s class was good, I was focused on my form and technique, which I think got a little in the way of my cuing, but I did ‘aight 😉  I’m  just so focused on that taping (which has been pushed out a bit, probably end of March?) and rocking it, and certifiying so I can say that I did it, I made it. I can do it – right??

And then…the next challenge? That looming half marathon. Eek.

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The other challenge I’m facing? CBE. In a good way. Date #4 (or 5, or 6, or 7, depending on how you count the LAST date) is looming…hoping for this weekend, and the more we talk, email and text, the more I like him. And that scares me just a little. Another crossroad looming? Time will tell. I’m not in a rush, but this definitely feels different than anyone else I’ve dated. Even boy #9 (wow, in comparison, that whole thing now feels completely different to me! more on that later). Hmm.

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Yes, I realize – my post is sort of all over the place, yet sort of cohesive, no? 🙂

I changed my name today – FINALLY! Well, 90% of the way, anyway…

I’ve been meaning to head to the social security office to get a new SS card so my name change really feels official (right now, it’s just changed at work, on some of my bills etc). So, off I went today, as I kick-start my vaca week, since they’re only open 9-4 (how NOT convenient!), armed with my divorce paperwork, license and birth certificate…only to be turned away because I need the flippin certified version of my divorce paperwork.

One word: LAME!

So, instead of letting it bum me out, because I’ve been meaning to get this done since the divorce court date in September, I marched to the DMV attempting to get my license changed over and THAT worked (scary, REALLY scary, actually, because I didn’t even need to show my old license, birth certificate, SS card, nada, they just made the change! What if I wanted to change my name to Barack Obama, would they have allowed it?! Seriously…wee bit scary). And then, I headed to the bank and got that changed as well. So, I am 90% of the way there, and finally feel as though I’m shedding my married name for good and just in time for 2010!!

I’d say that’s a pretty fantastic way to kick off vacation-leading-into-the-holidays, wouldn’t you?! Top that off with a fantastic shopping excursion and lunch with my mom, and it’s been golden. I’m beyond thrilled to be feeling so happy, hopeful. joyous, and in a small sense, relieved (to be happy, and NOT in the same fog-induced feeling of sadness as last year).

I’ll say it again…amazing what a difference a year makes.

**This was SUPPOSED to post last night – here it is – blog snafu!**

I wrote about a similar topic a few months ago, when I first dove into the dating world, and I’ve been ruminating on it again recently – but now, calling it the routine “invasion” – meaning, when you start dating someone, your routine gets invaded. Is that bad? Is that good? How do you adjust?

Of course, I’ve just been on a handful of dates with boy #9, but as we try and coordinate a fifth date, our schedules aren’t jiving (we probably won’t see each other for another week), which is okay, but it brought me back to the topic of that August post because I have gotten SO accustomed to my weekly routine, my social life being MINE, doing what I want, when I want, and as I look towards boy #9 as a potential for ongoing dating “status,” I get excited at the prospect of making time to get together, get to continue knowing each, have some fun dates etc., I also – in a very small way – see it as a big change to my routine.

Don’t get me wrong – I EMBRACE that.

However, it’s change, and while I’ve gone through a range of changes over the last year, for some reason, this feels like a bigger change. Adjusting to someone else’s routine, figuring out how to jive with that schedule, etc. It’s different, it’s new, and I’m digging it.

Why?

Because I don’t want to get complacent with my new routine. It’s not NEW anymore – it’s the NEW routine, sure, but it’s now, um, routine. It’s time to switch things up a little, Bend a little more, figure out if this thing I call “cautious potential” with boy #9 has TRUE potential.

I hope it does, but time will tell, and letting it “invade” my routine is welcomed, with open arms.

https://i0.wp.com/www.myfreegraphics.com/images/fulls/1libra.0.gifSo, I don’t put a lot of weight behind my horoscope (I’m a Libra), but I do read them on occasion, just out of curiosity. Today’s horoscope struck me as it mentioned that I am “ready to talk about something really big…even if it doesn’t quite seem like it.” VERY interesting to read that as I have been debating and thinking about when I’ll be ready to officially open myself up beyond my circle of family and friends and let “it” be official – the situation – the DIVORCE.

I suppose I am overthinking it, once again, but as it nears the six-month mark (I can’t actually recall the official date we fully decided, but Halloween night is really the date I was told it was over) this coming week, I’m sort of sick of hiding it.

And when I say I am hiding it, I am hiding it from acquaintances and coworkers that I don’t talk to often (I work in PR so my direct client teams know, but not necessarily outside of that circle). I am hiding it on Facebook (sounds silly, but I took my relationship status completely off Facebook so it woudn’t show up single or whatever, to anyone who I am friends with), but now that Pete is officially on Facebook, his status says single (or It’s complicated – sort of ironic…) so it’s really only a matter of time. Rather than being “outed” I think I may just wear it on my proverbial sleeve…drop my married name on Facebook, mention it more freely and feel that unpsoken weight lifted off my shoulders and regain my identity again.

So, my question is…AM I overthinking it? Is it “too soon” to “out” myself, or conversely, have I waited too long?! I obviously won’t officially change my name back to my maiden name until the divorce is official, but on silly things like Facebook, I think it’s about time.

Thoughts??

Happy Quote Friday, folks! Today’s quote is:

“All life is a chance. So take it! The person who goes furthest is the one who is willing to do and dare.”

I’ll be honest, I’ve always dreamt of taking chances and being daring with life decisions, but have always been way too chicken to “just do it.” I think this is one of the rare points in my life where I CAN just take chances, embrace it, and see where it leads me.

What am I referring to, you ask? Well, I’ve been dealing with a lot of the financial crap in terms of the divorce proceedings, like getitng the house appraised and determining next steps on a refinance, etc. After picking myself up off the floor when I read how much value our house lost (if you knew, you’d want to throw up too!), and started digging into the reality of what this means – refinancing and struggling through, or selling the house at a loss – my first thought was to be adamantly AGAINST selling the house, because I love my house and it’s all I have known for the past four years. I am SO into routine, it’s not even funny!

But as I started thinking more about the pros and cons of everything on either side, the more I’m leaning towards taking that chance – selling, starting fresh, moving on. In the short term, sure, it’ll be scary, and a huge change, but in the long run, it might be what I need to fully move on and leave the past behind.

We’ll see what happens, as it’s all still up in the air for now, but it struck me that I was so easily falling into old habits, wanting to hide behind the “norm” and not embrace change, when all I have been saying in my blog from day one, is to embrace this journey from start to finish. This is my reminder not to regress…wish me luck!

On my drive in to work today, I started slipping into stressing about various things – money, things I need to get done at work today, etc – and am trying my hardest to snap out of it. So I get to work and am reading my email and I subscribe to a newsletter from Anthony Fernando, a former business guy, who went on to write his own book and do motivational speaking. I scrolled through some of the topics (today’s and older ones that I hadn’t yet read) in the newsletter and came across one called “From Hope to Change.” This post is about transforming your sense of hope into real and long lasting change – making  it a habit and sticking to it. The graphic really helps depict the post even more, and it was sort of what I needed today, because feeling hopeful and optimistic doesn’t mean much unless it’s habitual, not just when you are in a good mood and feeling happy.

circleofchange

So, with that, I feel better, and am going to print this picture and put it on my desk and at home so I constantly remember it!