It’s been a great weekend (so far), including a super-fun wine-tastic night with a couple of my friends (including BSF) and today, I’ve declared it a day of “me” to do whatever I want. And it feels really good and just what I need to re-set myself for the week ahead.
However, it’s also given me time to think…about being alone again…about dating…about CBE (just a smidge, though I know it was the right thing to do)…about wondering when it will be my time to find my perfect-fit man…and I am realizing that this thought process sounds pretty familiar, and I’m declaring it the dating “cycle.”
Similar to other cycles where there is a sense of loss/ending/grieving, I feel as though the dating cycle (for me, at least) goes like this – you date, you struggle (in a way) with “sharing” your “alone time,” you adjust to it, you dig it, something happens and you break up, you realize it was the right thing to do, but you also re-adjust to being alone again, and face the reality that you are in fact, starting over…again.
I’ve gone through this before, just once, with brainy blonde, and this “cycle” isn’t nearly as strong for me, which I’m glad for, and realize it speaks even more to why things with CBE weren’t meant to be (and the reality that I think I cared more for BB than CBE). However, I just feel constantly reminded that I am in fact, alone, and realize that I may continue hitting some dead-ends with my dating forays, which I have to accept as part of my journey. And usually, I can do that pretty well, and get excited at the prospect of meeting new people and seeing what happens, and then other times, I just wish I could take a quick peek at the future and see who that person might be and when it may happen for me.
And then I picked up “It’s Your Time” and started to feel better. Joel’s words always hit home, no matter what, but today, it was the uplift I needed. The reality check, too. The chapter I’m reading right now is called “New Seasons of Increase” and it focuses on shedding the negative not-going-to-happen attitude and allowing God to work. But, you need to allow it and release it, in order to receive that increase. An excerpt:
When those negative thoughts come telling you that it never will change…learn to announce your faith in a new season of increase: I can hear the sound of abundance. I can hear the sound of health. I can hear the sound of restoration. I can hear the sound of promotion. I may be able to see it, but that’s okay. I can sense it down inside. I know my set time for favor is coming. I know my hour of deliverance is on its way. I may have a lot of turmoil, but the bottom line is, I got a feeling everything is going to be all right.
Well, if that doesn’t scream keep the faith, I don’t know what does. Everything is going to be all right. And I totally know that, but sometimes the mind is a powerful thing, and is so easily swaying, isn’t it?
And I think part of this whole dating “cycle” for me is that I tend to romanticize or have selective memory over whatever dating foray I am mourning, and just think of the moments that were good, and not the frustrations or reasons why I’m better off alone right now. Don’t we all, right? (I hope I’m not the only one that does that! Maybe it doesn’t help that I’m also currently watching The Wedding Date and really wishing Dermot Mulroney was one of my chemistry.com matches. Heh.)
Despite going through a down moment in my dating “cycle” I’m feeling happy. I’m feeling hopeful. And I’m feeling excited that, despite not having a man in my life right now, I have a hell of a lot of life to live right now and am looking forward to every moment of it, whether I’m alone or not. (and for now, I can just pretend Dermot Mulroney is going to come a-knocking on my door, right?)
I got a feeling everything is going to be all right.