Sparked by another interesting conversation today comes my thoughts this evening…where is the line between being supportive and keeping someone’s best interests in mind and being honest?
I tend to have divorce on the mind right now, given the milestones I mentioned in last night’s post, mostly (and wow, thank you for all of the comments and feedback, you all are so sweet. I’m constantly amazed!) and thinking back to two years ago when I was faced with probably one of the most significant and pivotal times in my life – if not the most pivotal – whether to fight for my marriage or move on.
As my blog series last February noted – that I didn’t want to be with someone that didn’t want me – I chose to move on with the hopes of keeping the most important part of our relationship – friendship – intact, and realizing that I’m worth someone that loves me for me and wants me for me. I shouldn’t have to convince them to love me, be with me, and be devoted to me. I’m worth more than that. But, as a question I posed this evening…what if I did fight?
Would my family and friends been duly supportive? Or would that support turn into advice towards my best interests, where they might advise me that this was not meant to be and I should trust my gut and move on? Would I have taken it? Would it have been in my best interests? Where is the line between being supportive and putting it out on the line and being honest, that yeah, maybe this isn’t in your best interests. He doesn’t love you the way he wants. You aren’t satisfied in the marriage, deep down, because it takes two to keep a marriage sustained.
I think it’s obviously a case by case scenario for anyone going through that struggle. Wanting to be there for your friend or family member that might be in a relationship or marriage that ultimately is not healthy and isn’t making them happy and fulfilled…you want them to see what you see. You want them to listen to your words and understand that you are better off moving on.
But with all of that said, I firmly believe that no matter what you say, no matter how much you urge…that person has to see it for themselves and make that critical decision on their own. You can’t do it for them. You can’t show them the light. You can just offer your perspective, show them the light and hope they walk towards it.
My fight? My fight was for me and self preservation, in a sense. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt that I made absolutely the right decision for me.
I’m proud of that. Beyond words proud. I own that decision through and through.