Some of my favorite moments of 2010…recapped here, in ‘moment-style’…

at this moment, surer than ever…

life, amplified.

the vacation of a lifetime. like whoa.

moving…again.

the best summer ever, hands down.

…turning a corner, and recovering, my little Nals.

prosseco on the beach. Um, yes.

Maine, Maine, Maine, Maine and Maine!

auntie throwdown…in style.

Tiago. Enough said.

sweating a weekend away.

honest, true, friendship. And some epic-ness.

simple, yet powerful.

bloggy friend meet-up!

BISC Vegas-style!

of pity parties and clarity.

...realizing I’m worth more.

one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

until this.

I’m sure I’m missing many moments from 2010 that I’d rewind 100 times over because of what they stood for, what they’ve helped me become, and of course for the fun many of them entail. 2010…you’ve been one hell of a year, and if it’s been *that* good, I can’t even imagine how good 2011 is going to be. I’m belted in, and ready for the ride.

Bring it.


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Sometimes you just gotta believe.

That you’re worth it.

That you’re loved.

And deserve love (so allow it, will ya?)

That everything happens for a reason, and God works in mysterious ways sometimes, but he’s *always* working.

That when shit happens, there’s usually a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s a gleaming one.

That you deserve happiness.

That there is joy in giving. So give. Your time. Your love. Your life.

That believing in yourself leads to greatness.

That confidence is learned, but you gotta unlock it yourself, nobody else can.

That sometimes short-term pain is worth long term gain.

That chocolate is a virtue, and so is wine. Often.

That friendships are two-way, filled with respect, communication and love. And if they’re not, they’re not friends.

Believing.

It’s powerful. Believe in something. Just believe.

~~

My post tonight…stream of conscious. I have about four topics in my brain, all swirling around but they’re aren’t coming, so instead, you get this. Believe. Writing it down is powerful.

More and more I feel as though I am exactly where I am meant to be in my life, and it is such a powerful feeling.

In catching up with one of my bestest (formerly known as BDF or best divorced friend but as she’s now re-married, we’ll stick with Ames, to avoid confusion!), I realized (thank you!) that I really am very lucky to be where I am in my life. And maybe “luck” isn’t the right word here, but to feel what I feel for Doctor Boy, and to feel as though I am smack dab where I should be in my life, in my friendships (strong, devoted, close) and in my family (loyal, loving, strong), well, I can’t help but just keep saying it…this is where I am meant to be.

And I feel like I need to keep reminding myself of that – that I am finding my place, and that I have the man, the friends, and the family to prove it – because in a way, I don’t think I’ve really “let” myself  let it sink in.

Until last night.

Laying in bed next to Doctor Boy, about to drift off to sleep, as he had just finished telling me how much he loves me, and how much he is looking forward to experiencing life with me, it hit me fully in the face. Looking into his eyes, not feeling an ounce of hesitation, I was in my place. Right there.

And I uttered “I love you” and drifted off to sleep. With a smile on my face, and my heart full of happiness and love.

~~

I caught up with Pete today, after a few weeks of not really connecting with him. I kept meaning to, but we just haven’t had a chance to. (lately, I’m the first to contact him these days, so figured that might be the case now, too.).

He had been seeing someone but turns out they’re no longer dating, and he’s again back in the cycle of singledom, wondering what his next step is. He seemed a little down, but I wondered if maybe it was because he’s still struggling with what he wants in his life right now.

I wonder if hindsight hinders him. Or helps him.

I wonder if he things he made a mistake (I don’t think he did).

And while it makes me glad that he’s happy for me, but in a way, it also makes me sad.

Is that weird?

(more on this topic later…)

~~

It was the kitties’ annual checkup tonight. And while I know Nala has vastly improved since she was near-death a few months ago, a sudden fear crept in me that maybe she wasn’t as heavy as she felt, or as chipper and playful as she is. But when he weighed her, I was floored.

10.3 pounds!!!

She was 5.5 pounds in July 5.5. And she’s basically double that now, and on top of that? She’s .1 bigger than Kayla (and she hasn’t been as big as Kayla since they were kittens!). I was thrilled. I wanted to jump up and down.  The vet even said “I didn’t think she was gonna make it, wow.”

Blessed.

I saw Jen and Isabel yesterday at my dad’s (where Doctor Boy met my dad for the first time…brought him a Cuban cigar, which my dad loves. I think they are BFFs now. Just kidding, but a good seal of approval!). yesterday.

I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed them in the week since she moved home. I was so excited to see them, and holding Isabel, kissing her head and laughing as she cooed, was just about the best thing in the world.

Both are healthy, both are doing better.

Blessed.

After last week’s much needed dope slap of reality, I’ve had a few other instances of that IRL (thank you BFF, you are the best) and realized that the things I’ve been at war with myself at were so downright surface and so unimportant in the grand scheme of things, that I almost felt ashamed that I’d had those thoughts, let alone said them out loud.

And then, last night, over “sister dinner” with Jen and Jess (we used to do these every month prior to Isabel’s birth, so it was our attempt to recreate that as we all enjoyed helping care for the baby), I just sat back and realized, wow, I love this. All of it. Despite all that Jen has gone through, we’ve gotten so much closer than I ever thought we could, and we really have all gotten to know each other so much better.

I know that sounds weird, since we are so close, but in a way, we hadn’t totally learned about each other in the “grown up” sense, just from our companionship growing up and all of the fun we always have. But I have come to realize that I absolutely loved this time with her, it’s really a gift from God that we’ve been able to, and it doesn’t matter that my routine is shaken a bit, or I have to figure out when to work out or catch a bit more sleep.

Because Isabel is worth it. Because Jen is worth it. And because our sisterhood is worth it.

~~

And then I look around, and realize, that despite frustrations in some aspects of my life, my life truly is pretty damn good.

I’m happy.

I’m in love.

I have fantastic friends and family.

I am at a point where I love who I am and this stage in my life.

What’s better than that?

~~

And then I watched Joel Osteen this evening, and wow, his message was dead-on. One of my favorite underlying themes from him – happiness is a choice – and it really is. An excerpt that speaks volumes:

Every day we have the choice to choose how we will live: in happiness and gladness or in discouragement and frustration. So many people are living with a war on the inside, thinking, “I can’t be happy. I don’t even like my life. I don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the car I drive or where I live. When those things change, then I’ll be happy.” So they wait to be happy. Some people wait their entire lives. Understand that’s no way to live. God created us to enjoy life and be content regardless of the external circumstances.

The secret to living life happy is finding your joy in the Lord. Every day is a precious gift from God filled with blessings. The question is do you notice them? Don’t be so busy waiting to be happy that you miss the blessings God has right in front of you. Choose to live your life happy now.

Amen to that.

It’s all the seemingly little things that add up to a heck of lot of goodness and joy.

When you read that, doesn’t that make you feel thankful? What are you thankful for today? (my attempt at loosely following along with being thankful, as my sister blogged about, for this month)

I’ve written about this before, but I firmly believe you meet everyone for a reason.

The perfect example of this?

Doctor Boy.

Not only is he amazing, treats me well and loves me…he’s even helping my family.

My sister’s care was transferred today to a different location, and the visiting nurse care wasn’t able to be transferred in time, and she needed her IV drip done for the evening. And even though she hadn’t yet met him, she asked for help. She asked me if he would mind coming over to do her IV drip for her.

I texted him and asked him to call me, and explained the situation. I gave him an out, I told him if he didn’t feel comfortable, he didn’t have to, or if he couldn’t get there in time, he didn’t have to feel obligated.

He said yes without even a hint of hesitation.

Swoon.

Wow, really? Did I really meet a man that not only amplifies my life, but given his profession, he can aid in my sister’s long road to recovery?

Wow. Just wow.

So he went over (with me) and met my sister for the very first time. And then administered her IV drip. He talked to her about her infection, how it happened, etc, and the conversation flowed nicely, was casual, not forced. She told him she wants to go into nursing, after this experience, and he gave her his viewpoint into it, what areas to look into, what schools to look at. It was simply amazing.

You truly meet everyone for a reason.

Not only was I meant to meet this man…to start falling slowly for this man, but for a greater good.

Damn, I feel lucky. Blessed. Truly.

Amazing.

 

Doctor Boy sends me “our” horoscope every morning since we are both Libras (he just started doing it one day, and simply forwards it, like an unspoken “wow, this is a good one!”) which I absolutely love. Today’s horoscope was by far, so dead on, I couldn’t believe it (and I hardly ever put much stock in horoscopes whatsoever!).

Take a read:

Don’t question your own judgment today and you will find success. The only way you can fail at an important assignment or in the pursuit of a special goal is if you begin to second guess yourself and you become overly critical of your efforts. If you can make decisions with confidence, and then follow through with true commitment to your choices, then you will glide through even the toughest events of the day. You are exactly where you are meant to be, so own the moment.

The last line is stunning, isn’t it? As I’ve said a lot lately, I am where I am meant to be, but I just loved the “own the moment.” Damn straight I should own the moment, embracing it for all of its gloriousness and passion and happiness.  During a time with a lot of ups and downs in other areas of my life, having some stability in my love life feels even more special, and it truly is the light that gets me through right now.

Do you ever read something like this…whether it be a horoscope, a scripture, an inspirational quote and it cares you through the day? It happens rarely, but usually at the perfect time.

…own the moment.

~~~

In other news…my sister Jen’s health is slowly improving, and I appreciate everyone’s well wishes, prayers, and support. She still has a long road ahead of her for full recovery, and more significantly, a lot of other personal challenges ahead (that I can’t get into right now) but I am filled with hope that she continues to progress and be able to focus on being the amazing mom she has already become.  I am really looking forward to starting our “rotations” in helping her out on the days she has her medical appointments to have some 1:1 time with her and the baby. Thursday night and Friday will be our time to connect, dig into some of what is going on in her life, and just reconnect, sister to sister.

Through all of this, the three of us have really banded together and the ‘fierce love’ that I’ve talked about so often is more evident than ever. I’m proud of how close we are, I’m proud of our sisterhood, I’m extremely proud of the strength and resilience my sister has shown in the last 5 weeks and know God is hard at work for us.

…own the moment.

Those were some of the words Doctor Boy used in the card he sent me within the bouquet of flower (and teddy bear!) he sent me yesterday (timed to my return from wine country, and the day after he left for Aruba).

The rest of that sentence goes something like this: “…a token reminder of my immense feelings for you…I care about you very much.”

Wow. I never thought I’d see or hear those words uttered about me (though always hoped!) and ya know what? I feel exactly the same way about him. It still feels right. All of it. The pace of things (steady progress, not too fast, not too slow). The feelings I have for him. How I feel when I am with him, when I hear his voice or see a picture of him. How much I miss him (going on two weeks since I’ve seen him, with my trip and now his) And how he reacts to me. Upfront. Honest. Very open about how he’s feeling.

This is what I have been waiting for. This feels right. It scares me no longer. Not at all. It is all starting to feel like that next stage I was looking for. I’m entering it. Just as I turn 31. Just as I near my two year separation-versary from Pete.

Swoon.

Like whoa.

~~

In other news…my sister is progressing, starting to improve, though it is indeed going to take a good six weeks or so for more of  a full recovery. She has constant hospital appointments and wound care procedures. But she has proven to me just how strong and faithful she is. I’m blown away by her strength and resilience. As much as she gets knocked down, she gets up even stronger the next. Yes, she’s fragile. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. But she’s taking one step at a time.

There are some other things at play that I won’t go into detail here, that are adding much more of a mental and emotional test for her and I pray that we can collectively help improve that situation. So for now, I’ll leave it this: thank you all for the continued thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to me, and to her as well.

~~

Also, a quick shout-out to one of my bestest…Kristen (who I’ve blogged about before, as she’s also divorced. We went through it around the same time) – she launched a new blog and it is hysterical! My Life in 15 Minute Increments. Check it out 🙂